So Confused ByA Guy And I’m Finding It Hard To Function


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Mike 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #801015 Reply

    Becky

    Hey everyone – so I thought I would write something here as looking through the forums I’ve realised I’d love some advice on my own dilemma. This is gonna be a LONG one so grab some popcorn! I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month and we’ve been chatting consistently for 2. I’ve never had a guy put so much effort into our relationship, we’d both established our want for a proper long term relationship as although we’re both fairly young we both want to settle down quite early as we’re both ‘relationship people’.

    On our first date he made so much effort, he even bought me a plushie so I’d have something to remember the day by. Since then we’ve seen each other at least every 4 days because he’s busy with work and lives half an hour away, I visit him by train which is fine. He bought me a game as an early present for my bday and the last week for my bday had flowers and a card sent to me. He’s always very affectionate, holds my hand when he’s driving, insists on kissing my forehead when I leave.

    He’s expressed how he wants an exclusive relationship with me, he just wants me to meet his fam and friends first which I get. I met his family last weekend and stayed over and all went amazingly. He calls me every day after work, sometimes while he’s driving between sites and sometimes just in the morning. We had a chat at the beginning of the week when I expressed my anxiety because I feel like I’m starting to get vulnerable and be reassured me and everything.

    So – I’m due to go to his this Sunday, cut to Friday and he calls me midday because he has a long drive and wants to talk. We have a great chat as usual and I’m left very happy! He calls me again as usual on the way home, but he’s obviously annoyed about work and is a bit off, we sat for a good 20 mins in silence on the phone, which isn’t totally unusual for us as he’s done the same when he’s driven home late from mine. But I can tell he’s off, he’s due to see his mates so I tell him to have a good time and to text me when he gets home so I know he’s safe. I don’t expect a text until the morning. Except when I wake up I don’t have one. Okay he’s probably hungover I tell myself, but then I still hear nothing by 1pm. So I shoot him a good morning message an I get nothing in return. Now it’s 3pm and I’m kinda worried as it’s so unlike him, I send a message saying I’m concerned and then half an hour later I call twice and it rings through but no answer. He then promptly texts me saying sorry he’s just dealing with a lot of s**t at the moment n will text me properly later. A little sigh of relief except later rolls around and it’s 9pm. I’m still due to see him the next day so I’m kinda worried, I send another text roughly saying hey hope you’re ok just wanted to check about tomorrow etc’ and then call again to get his attention which works. He texts me saying he’s just got a lot of s**t going on and that it’s probably best that I don’t come over tomorrow. I tell him that’s fine, I hope he gets it sorted and he knows where I am if he needs to talk. His last text was ‘okay thank you x’ and that way yesterday night. He liked my Instagram picture today fairly promptly though but I’ve heard nothing. I figured I should trust that he’s got stuff going on but I’ve struggled with abandonment and ghosting a lot in the past and have borderline personality disorder so I find it hard. Why do you ladies think? Give him space? Have you been through nothing similar? I’m just worried sick that he’ll never text me again 😢

    #801076 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Sounds like he moved too fast for himself. Look, you cannot build a good relationship in a month or two. It takes more time than that. You did not have a bestest friend in a couple of weeks – it took months or years. Why do you think romance takes less?

    Back off. Always let the man lead. If he leads you nowhere get off the dance floor.

    #801107 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    You posted about this twice. All you can do is give him space. If you give him space he might come back once he’s worked through his issues, but if you don’t give him space and smother him, you’ll definitely chase him away. So you need to lean way back.

    There are some very good articles on this site about giving a guy space– I strongly suggest you look them up and read them.

    It does sound like things moved very fast with you two. Meeting his family after only a month of dating, for example– most people would consider that too soon. It’s important to pace things when you’re dating. If you move too fast it can create a false sense of intimacy and you think you know the person, but you don’t. Like redcurleysue said, you can’t build an intimate romantic relationship in a month or two. It takes years. So it sounds like you two got ahead of yourselves a bit.

    The worse case scenario is that he’s realized he doesn’t want to be that serious with you (despite what he says– believe his actions over his words!), and is pulling back. There’s nothing you can do about that if that’s the case. You can’t force him into a serious relationship.

    It’s also possible he has a lot going on in his personal life and just needs time to deal with it. So give it to him. Don’t text or call or pester him. Let him deal with his issue and then reach out to you. When my boyfriend has things on his mind and seems distant and needs space, I lean way back and busy myself with other things, and he always bounces back and is normal in a few days max. I don’t bombard him with calls or texts and ask him what’s wrong. Men just need space sometimes. I really do advise you to reach the articles on this site about this issue!

    #801115 Reply

    Newbie

    Yeah i responded to you on another spot not so long ago

    #801535 Reply

    Mike

    Well I’m not a lady but I can just say that if someone says ” I have a lot of s__t at work “. .Male or female , it might be just that . To expect everything will come back to normal within hours might be a mistake . I would give it a month . There are some who have stressful jobs .

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