Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Slept over at an old hookup's place, and he did this?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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christina
The summer after high school, I was hooking up with this older guy (I’m 18 and he’s 21 now) for maybe the last few weeks before I left for college. We ended on good terms, no hard feelings because he was respectful and told me he got a girlfriend. Well fast forward, I came home this past weekend because of an issue between my parents and I wanted to help them out. It turned into this huge dispute between not only my parents but extended relatives and then back at me. I got pissed and basically took off where I ran into my old-hookup in this place in our city that everyone used to hang at. I guess he knew how upset I was because I was drinking alone-stupid, but it’s an old habit that I’m really gonna try to stop-and he offered to drive me home. I refused because the last thing I wanted to do was go back to my home, so he offered to let me to stay at his place because none of my old friends are in town this weekend. I said no at first for obvious reasons, until he told me he no longer had a girlfriend, and based on my situation, I decided it was better than going back to my toxic household.
So I went back to his house and I was gonna sleep on the couch, but I ended up sharing his bed because I just felt so lonely and exhausted. I knew he wouldn’t cross any lines because he’s genuinely a good guy and I see him as a good friend. Now here’s where things got confusing. I ended up crying in his arms about my family situation while he just told me it would be okay and stroking my hair. I was almost asleep but thats when I heard him shut the tv off, kiss my head and said, “Don’t leave me Christina.” I was in shock and too nervous to say anything, so I just pretended to be asleep. I always got the feeling he cared about me, but in what way, I don’t know because we barely got time together before I left. The next morning came and he didn’t say anything, so I thanked him for the stay and rushed out of there like a pansy. I just want some opinions on why did he say that? I dunno if I should bring it up or just forget it unless he says something.
Khadija
Sounds like he got caught up in the moment, I wouldn’t think much of it.
Sophia
I agree with Khadija.
Same way you ended up crying in his arms.
Unintentioned, but in the moment on both your parts.shasta
Hmmm this is a tough one, and I have to say intriguing. While I almost want to agree with the others who commented ” He got caught in the moment”, I’m not so sure that’s all there is to it. It’s what he said that has me confused. Makes me wonder if he has been thinking about you since you’ve been away. Could be that insight of his break-up with ex girlfriend, maybe he came to a realization that you meant more to him then just a FWB and he probable doesn’t know how to or even if he should let you know how he feels. If you are interested in him than more then just a FWB, like if you think you could actually see yourself with this guy in the future . I think it would be worth exploring, I wouldn’t bring up that you heard him that night. That might make him extremely uncomfortable but maybe just hang out with him some more (as a friend, just a friend) and see if it goes anywhere. You could start by offering him a bottle of wine or t=offer to take him to dinner ,just something to get you in his company. You know as a way to thank him for being there for you in the spur of the moment, unexpectedly I might ad. For basically being your hero…. Please let us know how this turns out.
Lane
Do NOT say anything! I would just sit back and see what he does, doesn’t do. If it was a fleeting moment he will check out and probably not even admit he said it, or give a bogus excuse. If he’s really an authentic man, he will contact you, and try to spend more (non sex) time with you if he truly has deeper feelings.
This IS the test. A man will either pass or fail based on what he *SAYS AND DOES* afterwards. Always apply this to men: WORD + ACTIONS = TRUTH. If you have words and no actions, or actions and no words then he’s blowing smoke up your you know what. All he did was blow some smoke. Only when HE pushes to spend more time with you (put of the bedroom) with out you doing or saying anything will you know his truth (intentions). Stand back, watch, observe, and listen—he will either step up or naturally drop off your radar.
christina
heyy sashta,
Honestly I have a gut feeling you’re not that far off..the part about me maybe meaning more to him than just a hookup. I honestly don’t know how I feel because I never really let myself think that far because from the beginning, I mentally wrote him off as being a potential boyfriend not just bc of distance, but because those 2-3 weeks were not enough for me to even get to know him that way. Just having fun before college type thing. I guess I could use an opinion on sorting through my feelings too because I while I find him really attractive, I don’t feel the same spark I do when I got a huge crush going on for a guy. But it might just be because I didn’t have the opportunity to spend time with him. He did end up calling me, and we pretty much spent the time catching up and he admitted he still thought about me while I was away at school. I hung up eventually and told him I’d call him, but I haven’t yet.
The thing is, I’m pretty open to giving anyone a chance even if I don’t feel much at the start because that’s what dating is all about, right? But with me going back to college, I feel like with him specifically, it’d be pointless. However, that’s also unfair because I actually met another guy who’s also from our city. He’s 17 and when I first met him, personality wise, I thought he was not my type at all. But now I feel connected to him and we have this bickering rapport that makes my stomach flip upside down. That’s a whole other story that I probably need help on because I’m actually considering trying long distance with him. He’s sort of a bitchy guy with way too much to say, but he’s also cheeky and cute, and he makes my heart jump, literally. Anyone reading this thread is probably thinking “geez girl just find a guy at your college” haha. So I’m just torn. I do like my old hookup because I actually was really disappointed when he told me he got a girlfriend, but at the same time, it didn’t take long for me to get over it either. Help a girl sort her confused-ass feelings out.
tammy
keep in touch with both casually for a bit. i guess time will tell you soon who you are more inclined to being with. just ensure you maintain certain healthy boundaries cause you don’t want to hurt either of them while you explore your feelings.
Lane
These are the type of times I swore off men and just focused on me. I think you are trying to fill a void, or boost your ego but its just a temporary band-aid (fix) so to avoid dealing with other not so pleasant experiences, such as your recent family drama.
Take a break. Be single, focus on studies, meet new college friends, and create some awesome memories without having to deal with men right now. Most of my best adventures and memories occurred during my late teen to early 20’s because I could “do what I want, when I wanted, anytime I wanted with whomever I wanted!” It is very liberating btw. You have 50 – 70 years of being “serious” so enjoy this brief time of lightness, adventure, and being carefree while you can :o)
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