Situationship: Try to Re-Attract or Let Go?

What do you mean by this?

“I know I should move on but I guess I just want to try again & end things on my terms this time.”

Do you mean, you want to try dating him again with the intent of breaking up with him again? Maybe I misunderstood you but that doesn’t make sense to me.

Anyway, to answer your question: No, the 30-day rule won’t work. He does not want a relationship with you, and he said so. This will not change in 30 days no matter what you do. It’s not up to you whether he wants a relationship. It’s up to him. He’s made his choice.

It’s good if you want to work out and also work to become emotionally and mentally better! Do that! But you MUST do that for YOU, not HIM!

The other posters are right. Plus, if someone warns you they have an avoidant attachment style and aren’t actively already in therapy wanting to work on it, and you’re seeking a serious relationship, heed the warning. Believe someone when they show you who they are. People who have those problems with emotional availability and intimacy often look for “problems” with their dates in order to distance, which may include not feeling physically attracted without being able to understand or explain why. It has very little to do with you, he had these issues before he met you. So there is no “trying again to end things on your terms” especially after you already ended things with him for a reason in the first place… plus why would you waste your time trying again knowing it’s not going to work or last??

You don’t seek closure through doing a repeat with him (and it likely resulting in the exact same outcome and extending your own pain), you get it by going no contact and focusing on yourself and rebuilding your self-esteem while you move on. Instead of asking about him, ask questions of yourself. Like, why are you chasing an unavailable person who doesn’t want what you want, when you deserve better? If deep down you don’t believe you deserve more, that’s actually where you need to focus in order to eventually feel better, not using your energy trying to re-attract someone who isn’t capable of giving you the relationship you’re looking for for whatever the reason.

You will get through this if you choose to let him go. That will allow you to stay open for someone looking for the same things as you who you won’t need to “convince” to be with you. A good dating rule of thumb is, if you have to convince another person of your worth, they’re not worth your time.