Should I reach out now I have more time to see him?

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #900811 Reply


    I’ve asked for your advice before about this man. We have had a number of issues but they were mainly around him wanting a more companionship type relationship and I needed more space than this. This was mainly due to him wanting to be together as a couple quiet quickly and I needed more time to get to know him.

    It’s been 6 months and I’ve found it hard to stop thinking about him. When I think about him my heart now aches sounds ridiculous but that’s what’s happening.

    I reached out to him to after a family member died in may we talked for a long time but when I asked if he would like to meet for coffee a week later he took a awhile to get back and said that he talked to a few friends and heard from someone that about a social media post that I had made and had decided to say no. He wished me all the best but said not to contact him again.

    He felt that our relationship was one sided. That he was very much I love with me but I wasn’t indicating I felt the same way . I guess I’m feeling that I want to be with him and I’m trying to decide if it’s wrong of me to reach out ? I’m ready for a relationship with him now and I feel like now that I have more time we will have less issues. Thoughts ?

    #900844 Reply


    Its a NO

    #900852 Reply


    Are you sure you’re not just lonely?

    #900862 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    He has asked you not to contact him. So, do not contact him.

    If I’m remembering your other posts about this guy correctly (and I’m pretty sure I am), he was a train wreck. He was controlling, manipulative, and unreasonable. It will not be different if you get back together. The fact that you’re even considering it tells me you have work to do on yourself. Put your energy into working out your own issues rather than pining for this guy.

    #900871 Reply


    Yes I think I am feeling lonely, just the weekends are hard.

    Yes Liz lemon you are correct it is him. I’ve been fine for around 6 months and now I’m feeling an urge to reach out to him, to see if we can make it work. I seem to be missing him terribly at the moment.

    #900958 Reply


    I remember this. He was demanding, his behavior was bizarre. He’s in his 50s and got jealous of you spending time with your adult children and all kinds of other weird nonsense.

    He told you never to contact him again, under nutty circumstances as usual. That’s crystal clear – WTF are you thinking even considering making contact with him again?

    You have very low self esteem, you’re extremely desperate or you’re co-dependent. Posting here isn’t helping you. You’ve been told repeatedly he’s bad news and no good for you but now 6 months on you’re plotting how to get him back. Please, please see a counselor. You aren’t listening to any advice you get here. You deserve a lot better than this for your life but you can’t even entertain that idea at this point.

    #901504 Reply


    Thank you, I have no idea why I was feeling that way. It’s passed again. I decided to get rid of some furniture that he gave me. He actually gave me a couch a couple of months in that he had as he said he needed to be comfortable and my furniture wasn’t.

    I think that seeing it everyday, when it didn’t really fit with my home was enough to keep him in my headspace. That and wanting to be loved.

    I really do need to work out why I continued to see this man with all of the issues that came up. . I guess my only answer is that it was the love bombing. No matter what else was being said he maintained that he was in love with me, I was special and he was super attracted to me. He was full on and I fell for being told that. It’s like I still wanted him to feel that about me.

    But I knew that what he was saying he felt for me seemed a bit off, either lying or he was nuts or a bit of both. Nether the less I do need to work out why I allowed abuse of myself to get the ‘love’ he said he felt for me.

    #901799 Reply


    yes do introspect

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