should I let him go or just enjoy it with no expectations?

I don’t want to have kids and get married really , never thought about it.
This is the bit I was confused about because he acts like he is in relationship. He tells me everything, where he is going, plans in advance. He even said to me the other day to book some time for him over Xmas.

He also said he doesn’t want to rush things but I am guessing any reason not to commit right ?

You’ve posted about this before, right? I remember the “best summer ever” line.

“… he said something like ‘we can give it a try’ and he keeps saying he doesn’t want to rush but that could be bs.”

Yup! You are dead on right. That’s BS. It’s wishy woshy BS designed to keep you hooked on his terms. It’s like that song “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps”. Let’s be real: this is actually FWB. And everything you said indicates that’s all it’s ever going to be. If it were the best summer ever and you were a big part of that, he’d want to lock you down. He just doesn’t want the summer fun to end yet. He’ll end it if you say you want more though.

I second everything Maddie said. Only do this if you can do it strictly for fun and not get emotionally entangled. And do not keep going with this if it’s going to keep you from meeting other guys who would be serious about you!!

I am in a similiar situation. Dating now for two months, but I want more of a commitment, which he has told me he wants to see where things go and “who knows where things will lead.” He said he is a damaged man from loosing a child, and feels humdrum about life right now. He also said he is not easy to live with. He does take me out but not a lot we don’t talk on the phone and only text here and there to set up a time to get together, 90 percent at his house to watch TV and do the deed. Can anyone tell me what to do???

Tracy – after he’s told you all of this, WHY OH WHY do you want a commitment with him??

He’s using you for easy sex. He can’t even be bothered to take you out for a meal.

DROP HIM. It’s that simple. He’s a waste of your time. There’s no healthy relationship to be had with him.

This guy is being upfront with you about what he needs and wants, so you either accept it or you don’t.

I totally understand where he’s coming from, as I was in the same *single* mindset for close to a decade after my divorce. I was so steadfast on maintaining my singlehood that I wasn’t going to give it up because I enjoyed it too much. I had an FWB like yours for close to 18 months. We were sexually exclusive but allowed to date others. I did but I honestly don’t know if he did as its not a topic we discussed, only that if we met someone else and wanted to give it a go, we would let the other know. It ended because he wanted more than I was willing to offer, as I didn’t love him in the way I need to love a man to take it to the relationship level. We had a blast though, as he filled the role of a great BF without all the expectations of having a BF haha.

If you are starting to fall for him, don’t do it. I know how it affected mine when I ended it but just because he changed the terms (wanted more) didn’t mean I had to. He could very well love you like “a friend” like I did with mine but not love you like “a girlfriend” which is how he would need to feel in order for him to move it past the point you’re in now.

Its possible he *could* but you would know it within a few months, as he would start saying the opposite of what he initially told you—that’s what my fling turned BF almost 5 years now did. You just need to carefully listen to what “he says” and then call him on it such as “I remember you telling me this” and if he responds with “I was in a different headspace back then” or something along those lines then you might have a chance?

Pati, its hard to know other than you need to have WORDS that mesh up with ACTIONS, or ACTIONS that mesh up with WORDS to determine where a person’s mindset is.

I did this with my FWB and it meant nothing. I met his son, best friend, we hung out with friends, went on romantic trips but I still didn’t *love him.* Unless he has started telling you the OPPOSITE of what he initially said, in the beginning, then he is still in the same mindset of what he initially told you.

Unless he starts confessing his feelings to you, I wouldn’t trust it. Be mindful he said he was hard to live with, and other negative things so there are personality issues at play here that could bite you in the arse. If don’t step out of the clouds and start objectively observing, watching, and listening to him determine if he’s even someone you could be with in long term, then you are setting yourself for failure.

Why don’t you ask him? Ask him why he wanted you to meet his parents and friends. If he sees you as friend, he may have just seen it as introducing a friend. If he is starting to feel romantic and serious towards you, he should have no trouble making that clear to you.

I was in a situation years ago where I was dating a guy, and he brought me to a family BBQ after we had been dating a short while. He had never brought a girl to a family gathering before. I was really encouraged and took it as a sign that he was serious about me. He dumped me not long after that to get back with an ex. My point is– a guy introducing you to his family may not mean what you think it means. You have to ask him.

I also disagree with what you said earlier, “I am not really fixed on having a relationship because I know these days labels means nothing”. Labels don’t mean nothing. Labels mean something. That’s why so many women on this site stress about what to call the situations they’re in. That’s why you’re here posting this thread- because you want to know if he sees you as a girlfriend or not. A guy can treat you like a girlfriend, but if he refuses to call you his girlfriend- you aren’t one.

The only way you’ll get clarity is if you ask. Strangers on the internet don’t know if he’s had a change of heart. I do think, however, that if this guy is not calling you his girlfriend, and is not introducing you to his friends and family as a girlfriend– then I don’t think he wants anything serious, I’m sorry to say.

we were talking about something yesterday and he said : I was single back then, now I am not

You are spending far too much time trying to derive meaning over everything he says instead of asking for clarification, right then and there, so there is no ambiguity. You had the opportunity to simply ask him “What do mean you were single then but not now?” so to open up the lines of communication that very well could have provided you with the answer you are seeking.

I would simply double back and ask him, I remember a couple days ago you said “I was single then but I’m not now” when talking about ____ (topic) and curious as to what you meant when you said it. OR you could wait for him to say something similar again, and just ask him right then and there what he means. Men have no problem clarifying something they’ve said—all you need to do is ask.