Should I hook up to get my first time over with?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Should I hook up to get my first time over with?

This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Rox 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #901553 Reply

    Anna

    I really need some good advice. So I’m 19 and about to be a sophomore in college, and I haven’t really done anything sexual. A high school boyfriend once got handsy while making out but that was it. My whole life I’ve had the idea of waiting for “someone special” because I wanted it to be meaningful, and I thought it was going to be with my last ex. Well, it didn’t happen because we broke up before we got to that stage. It was a very messy breakup and I know I don’t want to date again for quite some time, but I still want to experience sex and stuff. Should I find someone to just lose it during a hookup or am I thinking foolishly? My friends say I’ll regret it but I really don’t want to wait like a year when I’m finally ready for a new relationship. I honestly feel lame that I’m almost 20 and haven’t done anything, and I kinda just want to get it over with so it stops looming over me.

    #901559 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I know how you feel. I lost my virginity at age 20 and I was in the exact same spot you are. I was the only virgin left among my friends and I just wanted to get it out of the way. I wanted to experience sex, basically, and not wait around to fall in love. I wound up sleeping with a guy who was also a virgin and wanted to get it out of the way, lol. It was a positive experience for us both, fun and relaxed. We slept together a few times but that was it– we didn’t have a relationship or anything. I’ve never regretted it.

    The problem with hookups is that they’re often fueled by alcohol, and if you’re not experienced it could very well be awkward. You want to be with a guy who knows you’re a virgin and takes it slow and does what you’re comfortable with. So I wouldn’t recommend losing your virginity to a hookup per se. I’d recommend finding a guy you’re comfortable with, and being honest about what you’re after. You’re right that it doesn’t have to be super “meaningful” or “special”– those are constructs that society has placed on a woman’s virginity. Guys are not encouraged to “wait for someone special”. But you do want it to be a positive experience.

    #901623 Reply

    Kate

    I lost my virginity the year I was turning 18. I was in love with this guy who had a gf but I didn’t care. I wanted my first time to be with him. We were great friends since I was 14 years old and I felt like I knew him. He was 4 years older and very experienced. Although he wasn’t a bf, he was special to ME so I regret nothing. I am very sure if I had done it during a hook up with someone I barely knew I probably would have regretted.

    My take on it is you dont have to be in a relationship but don’t do it with just a random person. As long you know you won’t feel robbed by some dude who thinks he scored double for free then cool cause in the end if you have no embarrassment in telling the story on how your first tkme was then you did it right.

    #901635 Reply

    Maddie

    It sounds like you’re not very sexually experienced at all, including other forms of making out before sex? There’s plenty you can experience while hooking up that isn’t intercourse. If you haven’t done much foreplay, you can start with that casually and see how you feel about it. You’re not committed to having sex with someone just because you’re casually messing around with them, especially the first encounter (even though the guys that age will probably push you in the moment for as much as they can get). If you go into it with strong boundaries, ie you won’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t feel good about going, there’s no reason you can’t experiment with meeting guys who also aren’t looking for a committed relationship and seeing if it’s even what you want before going all the way.

    Be aware, I have met some guys of all ages who are not interested in anything other than regular sex (not even oral sex), they seem to feel entitled to sex from anyone who wants to get physical at all and are even upfront about that. Skip those guys– they will be selfish and probably not even very good in bed, which is the opposite of the experience you’re looking for.

    If you try this out and feel good about it, then there’s absolutely no reason not to (safely) have sex if it’s what you want. I know people who did it the way you describe and people who did it the first time in relationships, and the only thing that prevents regret is being in a situation where you feel good about yourself and what you want. People in relationships can regret their first time partner if it eventually ends in a messy breakup, people who lost their virginity in a casual situation may feel empowered about how they got their needs met and have no regrets. All that matters is you’re comfortable with your choices, not anyone else’s opinion. And, in the scheme of things, there’s nothing lame about being almost 20 and lacking in experience. You’ve got plenty of time, there’s really no expectations that matter besides your own and whoever you’re being intimate with. I know plenty of late bloomers who caught up plus no one cares after college about how old you were when you lost your virginity. And again, if anyone does care enough to judge you for that, it really means that they suck and are judgemental.

    #901722 Reply

    Rox

    Hi Anna,
    I wouldnt rush it just “to get [your] first time over with” . Think of it like this analogy – like a first kiss it would feel much different if you liked the person, vs if you didn’t. And you are entering college, there will be plenty of men to meet. Nobody knows if you have or haven’t had sex before, why put this pressure on yourself?

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