Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Sexting, but no sex
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Erin.
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Pat
Hi, so I been talking with this guy for the last few weeks, but due to Covid and his work we have been unable to meet up. But now he has asked me out for a drink next week after work. I’m a little nervous, especially because of the Covid situation and also this will be my first time meeting a guy for an actual date. I know it sounds crazy! I’m 23. I feel like I would be more comfortable with a coffee during the day, but he cannot do weekends, and he is in work all week so this is the only option it seems. Would you have any other suggestions?
Also, we have engaged in some sexting. However, I do not want to have sex with him or go back to his place. I have told him this and that I want to wait until we have had several dates before even considering this, and he seems ok with it. But I am worried that he thinks I’m not that into him. How do I tell him I’m an old school kinda girl that wants to wait until I’m in a secure and proper relationship?
Thank you!
Lane
Why are you making this so complicated?
Just meet him for a drink, no different than a coffee honestly. You already told him what you want but honestly why the heck are you even discussing or doing all this ‘heavy stuff’ before you even met?
Women seriously need to learn how to talk less, and just get to know men, in person, as you would with any stranger, such as a co-worker, neighbor, etc. without all the heavy talks, demands, sex, or relationship crap especially before you’ve even met. If you lead with sex, it will be about sex—something to ponder.
Don’t be surprised if he takes you for a few dates, gets laid, then bolts.
Raven
Why on Earth were you sexting with this guy?!
Gaia
First, get drinks then decide if you are actually into him. You haven’t even been on one date yet so no need to discuss when you’ll have sex. You set the pace and determine when and if you are comfortable. No need to announce it.
Liz Lemon
Just curious, why can’t he do weekends? Did he tell you why? That’s odd, unless he has a reasonable explanation, but…no weekends, ever?
It’s OK to tell a guy you’d rather meet for coffee during the day. If he works during the week, maybe a lunch date during the week? The guy should be willing to compromise for your comfort. If he’s insisting on getting drinks at night, and won’t consider meeting you during the day for lunch or coffee, it makes me wonder.
You’re young and inexperienced so it’s normal to be nervous. You’re overthinking this. Just meet the guy and see if you even like him in person. Do not get drunk, and don’t let him pressure you to drink a lot. Sex should not be on the table for a first date so don’t feel like you have to justify yourself not wanting to have sex with him! If he’s making you feel pressured about it, he’s a scumbag.
For future reference, sexting with guys you haven’t even met is a bad idea. If you lead your interactions with sex, it makes him think you want sex. If you want a relationship, act like it. If a guy tries to sext you before you’ve even met, stop talking to him. You have to weed out these guys when you’re online dating.
tammy
if coffee is out then sure its ok to meet for a drink. ensure you go to a place known to you. its located at a place from where its easy for you to go home alone. and just have 1/2 drinks so that you dont get high. and enjoy the date. :-) dont think so much. set a few rules and stick to them.
Ewa
who initiated the sex talk because to me it looks like he is just trying to find someone to have sex with hence why he is not really keen on meeting you for a coffee because he is hoping he will get you drunk and you will come to his place. You better check why he can’t do weekends as he might already be taken…
Liz Lemon
Ewa, I thought the same on both counts– that he might be taken and looking to cheat (hence the total lack of availability on weekends….I mean, who is NEVER available on a weekend?), and the thought that he might be trying to get her drunk. It would make me uncomfortable if a man I didn’t know insisted on meeting at night, in a bar, when I had expressed a preference for a daytime coffee meeting. He should be trying to accommodate your comfort, like I said.
Good question about the sexting too. Who started it? If he started the sexting, and is now trying to get you to meet him at night for a drink, just be careful.
Erin
Just a thumbs up, don’t sext with a guy you haven’t gone on dates with yet if you want him to take you seriously. You set the tone of your future interactions with your initial texting, so be careful.
It’s going to look like whatever is going to happen is so that y’all can have sex in the end. It’s no longer about people knowing each other or something.
If you feel you have to keep a guy’s interest by sexting then drop him like a bad habit.
As for the date, just go and enjoy the drinks and see if you will actually like the guy now that you have met him. Take it this way, until you have met up, you just liked his pictures and words. Now you gotta start liking the real person and his actions.
Also be careful, make sure home is close, someone knows where you are and you have your transport situation sorted out.
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