This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Miss_A 2 months ago.
November 24, 2020 at 12:36 pm #826913
Hi guys. Looking for some advice here.
I’m in a relationship and I had never had sex before. We’ve been together for a year now and we just fool around but never the real thing.
Anyway, last week we agreed to try and put it in but not going to do anything beyond that cause he knows I’m very nervous and scared.
He had a condom on and everything and we were very careful. But I started freaking out after he put it in for a 5 seconds and we stopped there. He didn’t finish, wasn’t even close.
I am now freaking out and so scared of being pregnant. I also saw some stuff on the condom that day and I don’t know if it’s saliva or wetness from me or what and I started googling whether pre cum can get me pregnant and everything.
I even went to the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. The pharmacist didn’t think the morning after pill is necessary but he gave me one to ease my anxiety.
I’m really paranoid. Am I going to be pregnant as online articles say pre cum and make you pregnant and even if it was near my vagina or on his fingers but chances are low. I was keep tracking of where his hands were and told him a few times not to touch certain areas just in case.
Do you guys think I’m just paranoid? I have a strict family and they would 100% disown me if that happened. My bf said I was paranoid and need to learn to relax. In the end, I took the morning after pill but still doesn’t ease my anxietyNovember 24, 2020 at 1:09 pm #826916
If you are going to stay this hysterical about getting pregnant, you will not have a good sexlife or a happy bf. I think you need to decide if sex for you is a good thing you want at the moment or not. If it is, just do your homework. Stick to either no penetration sex or do it all. In last case: Get birthcontrol for yourself and condoms. The chances of becoming pregnant with both types are really really low. Also taking a morning after pil was ridiculous. Thats just a bunch of extra hormones and stuff you swallowed for no reason. The internet exist for a reason: get educatedNovember 24, 2020 at 4:49 pm #826954
I think you are way too young to even consider having sex by the sound of your post. Don’t do something you are not comfortable with. I second everything Newbie said.November 24, 2020 at 6:01 pm #826970
The only sure fire way to not get pregnant is no sex…November 25, 2020 at 3:37 am #827027
Is this a serious post??!!
If it is you sound very young, immature and paranoid. If you can’t have the pill at home because you don’t want your parents to see it then get an implant. That with using condoms should be 99.9% effective. Then just relax and let your boyfriend lead. This thing about just putting the tip of his penis in is ridiculous and doesn’t sound in any way fun for you or for him!
This level of anxiety about sex is irrational and unhealthy!November 25, 2020 at 5:01 pm #827142
It’s normal to have -some- anxiety surrounding your first time. I get it. Growing up you learn about enough unplanned pregnancies to get scared. If it helps, I’m a guy and when I was young I too was worried about accidentally getting a girl pregnant. You might think for a male it’s not as life-changing, because one could just bail on the situation or whatever, but I still didn’t want such a thing on my conscience. And being young and naive I believed getting a girl pregnant meant staying with her for good because that was the right thing to do, regardless of how you felt about her. At this point I didn’t have much anxiety but it was still a lingering concern.
My actual paranoia hit after I went all the way for the first time. Minutes later questions and doubts started flooding my mind and I realized I didn’t have confidence in condoms as an effective contraceptive. Iirc, I even went to the restroom to inspect it! Crazy. The next few times we tried to have sex, the moment I’d put on protection I’d lose the erection. Very interesting and comical to think about now, but it was terrifying for a 20yo kid. Thankfully, the girl I was with back then was more experienced/knowledgeable and suggested birth control. I read up about it and it sounded better. We waited for a couple of weeks for her to get prescribed and the effects to kick in, and sex was back to normal. It’s hard to say how extreme your paranoia is, but if it’s anything like mine, birth control should ease your worries too. Like someone commented, arm implants are popular.November 25, 2020 at 5:06 pm #827144
I think maybe the most important point you need to think about is that sex is about letting go of control. Which can be quite an obstacle if you’re a calculative person uncomfortable/unfamiliar with things out of your control, like I was. Because the truth is even birth control isn’t perfect. If you want 100% effective contraception, you abstain from sex.
Years later I realized that the reason I got spooked during my first time was because, sure, first time of anything can be nervewracking. People psyche themselves out before that first big step. But interestingly for me, I was more afraid because I was having sex with a casual fwb. Later when I got in a serious relationship with someone else who I actually saw a future with, I realized I had no anxiety about getting pregnant. Something to think about. Perhaps your extreme paranoia means you’re not ready for sex at this point of your life. And that it’s not until you move out and are independent, and don’t have to be accountable to your family anymore that the paranoia will go away.November 25, 2020 at 5:51 pm #827150
It’s not clear from your post whether you’re comfortable with getting on birth control or not, but I highly recommend it. How old are you? Do you live with your parents? Have you ever been to a gynecologist?
I can relate to your story. I grew up with super strict parents who would have disowned me if they knew I had sex before marriage. I, too, was extremely paranoid about pregnancy. However, my horniness outweighed my fears, and let’s just say I had a lot of sex, lol. I was always very careful about it. Once you get on the pill, take it at the same time every day, which increases its effectiveness. It helps to set an alarm on your phone or pair it with another activitiy you do at the same time every day. Plus, use a condom every time.
Taking these precautions, I’ve had 20 sexual partners in the last 12 years, and never once had a pregnancy scare. The chances of pregnancy are extremely low if you take these precautions. Anything is possible, but living your life in fear is hardly living at all. You could also ask your boyfriend to pull out right before he finishes. That will further decrease the chance of getting pregnant.
I agree with another poster that it’s not normal to be this anxious, but growing up in similar household, I do understand. I wish you the best.