This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 4 months ago.
May 3, 2020 at 8:13 am #790433
I met a guy on tinder a year ago and since then we’ve been in an on-again, off-again situation. We’ve never had sex and there are times where we’ll go through months without talking.
However, whenever we meetup, we’ll have hour Long worth of conversations that stretches to the early morning hours and that’s how I eventually fell from him and he feels the same. Due to work situation, where he’s now relocated to Shanghai, we continue to remain friends. A few weeks ago, I wished him on his birthday and there was a shift to our friendship dynamic, we began exchanging photos and compliments and we flirted as well. He even suggested I paid him a visit in Shanghai once this whole pandemic is over.
Here’s the situation, I recently discovered he created a private Instagram profile and I’m really tempted to follow him but I don’t want to come of as desperate and I’m scared that once he has access to my daily life, I’ll lose the mystery and excitement because currently, without having any of my social media handles, there are so many things we catch each other on and he’s always curious asking me about my updates. I’m really torn. We’re not the best of friends but we’ve known each other for awhile.
Can I get any of your advice please!! :((May 3, 2020 at 9:42 am #790435
No, it’s usually not the best idea.
Adding on social media is only really a good idea when things are secure, otherwise you’ll read all sorts of things into it. I’ve seen friends agonise over every time a woman posts a comment on their crush’s profile- is that what you want? Note, these women may not even be romantically linked to him – it’s hard to tell from the internet if the woman posting “Happy birthday :D <3” is a platonic friend, a cousin or perhaps even a step sibling – but you’ll almost certainly assume she’s an ex or someone out to get him. Any time he posts a picture in which there’s a woman, your brain might jump to the worst conclusion.
But also, how is this long distance arrangement benefiting you. Under logckdown, it’s easy to see; you get to keep flirting, and there’s not much chance of meeting someone else. But when lockdown eases, are you really just going to be happy with flirting with someone half a world away.
Surely you need and deserve someone who is close and can actually be with you.May 4, 2020 at 5:32 am #790482
girl just follow him, i promise you he will not overthink it and you wont be desperate in his eyes for a follow. :) good luckMay 26, 2020 at 9:37 pm #791582
I agree with Mell. Not a good idea until you two are at a point where you are really into eachother. One thing I do disagree with is the whole “find someone closer” part. You don’t pick who you fall for. Limiting yourself to having someone close for the sake of having someone is a big waste of time. I agree that the OP deserves better if this guy turns out to not be a good one. But saying “find someone closer” is not the best piece of advice to give someone. LDRs can work but only if two people are willing to put in the effort. I would get to know this guy more and then go from there.May 26, 2020 at 10:07 pm #791583
No. No. No.
You’ve just entered craZy county…May 26, 2020 at 10:53 pm #791585
Since I’d be willing to give 10-to-1 odds that you’ll end up following all of his social media accounts you can find regardless of what is typed here, just create a new one for yourself with a pseudonym and an email address he doesn’t know and follow him that way. Use it only to check his posts; don’t put anything personal on it.
If you’re going drive through crazy county, you might as well include crazy city and crazy state, too. :)May 27, 2020 at 7:36 am #791592
There are no “rules” it ultimately comes down to how well you personally can handle or manage it. If you are a compulsive stalker who’s done it to other guys, then don’t. If you are capable establishing a healthy boundary by fully accepting that you are both *single people* who have the right, and freedom, to live and share your lives openly, with others, including other females, then there’s no harm.
You have to remember that he’s across the world and is most likely going to enjoy the attention of others, especially females, like yourself, that helps the long distance feel less lonely. If you can’t handle the fact that he’s probably not going to date you, when he returns, and will go back on Tinder scouting for others (aka “playing the field), then probably best you don’t go down that rabbit hole, start dating locally, and put your energy elsewhere, than some lonely dude halfway around the world.