This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ss 1 week, 4 days ago.
November 24, 2021 at 1:26 pm #929578
So I met a guy on a dating app, and we went on a quick lunch date on a weekend. He mentioned having work for the afternoon about 1 hour in, but also gave me an artist to listen to and let me know what he thought, and at the end of the date he kissed me and said we should do this again. I mentioned I was leaving town in 5 days for 1 month (through the holidays) and if he thought maybe we could meet up before but also okay to meet back up after I’m back from holidays. He said he thought we could squeeze something in.
We texted a bit, and then 2 days after our date (3 days before I would leave), he messages and asks for a rain check until we are both back in town (pretty much exact words), and apologizes for bailing. He said his work was very busy (he was leaving on a trip over thanksgiving), and a couple more specific excuses. These would’ve been weekdays.
I thought his texting hasn’t been as warm since the date (if I read into punctuation, etc… but maybe that is me over reading). I basically said no worries and I’d like to meet up again after my trip, and he wished me well (but not like “take care”) and said to let him know after I’m back (this is a general summary, not exact wording).
Do you think this is him just letting me off easy, or do you think he actually wants to hear from me after I’m back? How much do you think we should text over this month – sporadically, or not at all? Should I ask him how his trip went, or wish him happy holidays and stuff?November 24, 2021 at 1:28 pm #929579
*let him know what he thought about the music artist, which I took as maybe he wanted to continue talking after this date?
When I texted after saying I had a good time, he again said to let him know what I thoughtNovember 24, 2021 at 1:49 pm #929581
You’re way overthinking this. It was one date. Sounds like it went well, but still, it’s just one date. Don’t obsess over it, just see him when you’re back from the holidays (as he requested), and see how it goes.
I wouldn’t initiate texting over the month you’re gone. If HE initiates, then by all means be warm and responsive. But don’t chase him.
I’m on the fence about sending a “merry Christmas” text– it’s probably fine to do, if you want to. Others might say not to contact him at all, but I don’t think sending a friendly text acknowledging a major holiday is chasing.
Overall you should let him do the pursuing. Be warm and responsive if/when he gets in touch over the month, and let him know when you’re back in town, as he requested. But other than that, don’t initiate a lot. And don’t build it up in your head too much, or your interactions won’t be natural. Just see what happens after the holidays.November 24, 2021 at 3:17 pm #929585
Is the rain check a bad sign? I’ve heard rain check usually is code for not interested but too nice to say directly?
Overall can’t tell if I should put too much stock into his asking for a rain check, we did only realistically have 2 potential weekdays to squeeze something in (and for our first date we thought about a weekday meal but he said “it would have to be quick” so we went with weekend instead). But personally I have never asked really any friend or date for a rain check, I take my commitments seriously so I can’t tell if he is just not interested.November 24, 2021 at 3:19 pm #929586
^ also to clarify, I didn’t ask him for the weekday meal for the first date, we were putting out potential times (he asked me out) and he mentioned that if it were a weekday lunch it would have to be quickNovember 24, 2021 at 3:50 pm #929587
This just sounds like 2 busy people whose personal schedules don’t mesh for a while because of work and travel plans. Stay in touch with him, but as Liz said don’t put a lot of thought or effort into it. Nothing wrong with shooting the odd text here or there and in this case I see nothing wrong with happy holidays messages. But mainly let him lead. This may take a while to gel because you’re both busy, if it does gel. You’ll see over time. A watched pot doesn’t boil. ;) If he wants to step up, he will.November 24, 2021 at 4:57 pm #929592
“Rain check ” isn’t a loaded term. There’s no double meaning that I know of. It just means rescheduling. Again, you’d thinking about it too much! Don’t pick apart his literal words. He just asked to reschedule, that’s it.November 24, 2021 at 5:45 pm #929598
Agree with all Liz said. He probably means what he said, that it’s scheduling and not a secret message and nothing personal. But a month after only one date is a long time and it’s easy to lose momentum. Just because you’re both traveling or busy doesn’t mean you can’t message each other at all. I agree you should lean back and see if he reaches out to say hi or wish you a happy holidays. If he doesn’t, you can see how you feel in a month after you’re back and decide then if you even want to follow up or not. When I’ve been in similar situations around the holidays with guys from online dating, I’ve said okay then given them about a week or week and a half to say something, even just hi. If they never ended up reaching out first, I’d write them off as not particularly interested and move on. No big loss after one date. When I’ve had to really nudge things along during the first few dates, it never worked out.November 24, 2021 at 7:47 pm #929602
You are way over thinking this after just one lunch date. It sounds like it’s just a case of schedules not matching up due to the holidays. I wouldn’t be expecting much at all after one date and not being able to meet up for a month. If you liked him then just shoot him a text when you are home to say you are back then leave it up to him to suggest a date.
If he texts you over the next few weeks just respond as normal but don’t worry too much about it. After just one short date there is no real connection and he might not text much or at all.
Just chill and stop stressing yourself out by over analysing this.