Ok to call or send flowers after a breakup?


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This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Really 4 months ago.

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  • #708137 Reply

    Gina

    I ended it with my ex almost two months ago. I made it clear early on that we should go no contact to give us both space to heal and move on. He, however, kept sending me texts to try and win me back. I didn’t reply to any of it, as I still had feelings for him and was afraid to give him false hope. On my birthday he sent me a particularly nice text and I was so tempted to write something sweet back. Two weeks ago he wrote that he still loves me. His persistence has really made me re-consider the relationship. I’ve realised that I really miss him. So yesterday I wrote him a text thanking him for the birthday wishes and telling him that I appreciate him being the way he is. He’s seen the text, but still no reply and I’m starting to freak out (the exact reason why I didn’t want to keep in touch in the first place). I’ve started to wonder if he’s giving me the silent treatment as punishment for me not replying earlier? As I’ve been thinking a lot about wanting to give it another go, I’ve been tempted to call him, but him not replying makes me unsure if that is a good idea. I would really like to see if we could salvage things, but with him not replying I’m afraid to look desperate. Should I just wait for a reply and then leave it if I don’t get any? Or can I give him a ring in a few days? It’s only two weeks ago that he wrote he still loves me, could he have moved on in the meantime? Thanks for your thoughts.

    #708138 Reply

    Danita

    That is how playing games ends.

    #708139 Reply

    ana

    How does it feel being ignored then? You dumped him, ignored him for two months and now freak out because he doesn’t reply as soon as you send your first something? You must be joking….You’re just selfish and I hope he had moved on and makes you taste your own medicine and realises he can do much better. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what you deserve. Good on him for respecting himself, finally.

    #708140 Reply

    Gina

    Wow ana. To give it some perspective; he cheated on me pretty bad, that is the reason why I ended it. I didn’t want to write this here as I thought everyone would be saying I’m crazy for wanting him back. But I really think he has changed and will not cheat on me again.

    #708146 Reply

    Danita

    What has changed then? You haven’t been speaking to him for weeks, how do you know that he changed?

    #708147 Reply

    Gina

    There’s no way of knowing for sure, but judging from his texts he has had some time to really reflect and work with himself (he’s had some issues) and he has really owned up to what he did. I guess the only way to find out is to have a proper talk with him. I always prefer that to texting. But in this case I feel a bit intrusive calling him after all this time of no speaking.

    #708149 Reply

    ana

    Hi Gina,
    Sorry, but leaving the cheating “detail” out made a lot of difference…I hate people like that. I think you did the right thing breaking up with him, and I would NEVER trust a guy if he cheated on me. He will do it again, don’t fool yourself. Respect and value yourself, I know you still love him, but don’t give him the time of the day, YOU deserve better. Common girl, he CHEATED on you, that is totally unacceptable…just move on from this jerk, even if he is really sorry (poor thing, so fragile). There is a guy for you that will never treat you like that, but only if you value yourself. Don’t reply to him again.

    #708189 Reply

    L

    Did he still love you when he was having sex with other women?

    #708193 Reply

    Jenny

    Gina, do NOT send him flowers. He doesn’t deserve it, not even close, and most men don’t value it anyway. Do not call. Text him and say you’re open to meeting up for a chat over a drink or coffee and then leave it alone. He may not be serious, you need to give him plenty of space and time to prove he’s sorry and he’s changed his ways. A lot of guys say they want you back but as soon as you take them back, they run away because they only wanted you because you were a challenge to get.

    #708194 Reply

    Jenny

    Don’t discuss this issue on the phone with him either. You need to see body language and facial expressions.

    #708196 Reply

    Ildiko

    Let him contact you. I think it is the divide whether he wanted you back really or his ego was hurt because you initiated the break-up.
    Remember, you wanted the breakup, stick to it, unless he really changes for you. Ana was a bit unfair to you in her first comment, your intention to get over him seemed genuine to me, without the cheating bit. Don’t back off because of some texts, it is too easy to write such.

    #708197 Reply

    Lane

    Let me get this straight. You texted him that you “appreciated him being the way he is?” So you appreciate a man cheating on you??? That’s how I would have perceived it.

    You also told him you need time and space to move after breaking up with him. Now you want to renege on those words and take him back?

    What has HE DONE other than throw to apologize and throws out a few sweet texts??? Sorry, but cheaters apologize for being CAUGHT not because they cheated. I can guarantee you this one will cheat again because your so gullible, trusting and easily swayed by a few flowery texts—the same type he used on the women he cheated with I bet.

    Some people need to learn the really hard way I guess.

    #708203 Reply

    Emma

    Women leave “details” out! because they want to do what they feel like and they are not here for advice. Then why waste everyone’s time? If you are here to hear what you want to hear then just do what you wanted to do!

    But OMG were you SERIOUSLY considering sending him flowers???

    Cheating is no small thing. You were smart to break up with him and two months is not enough to change. He missed you, he regretted losing you (duh!) and he has feelings for you BUT it is not enough to win you back.

    You miss the best part of him but do you miss being cheated on? People don’t change overnight, they take a very long time to change. There is also this thing…once oyu cheat or lie ONCE it is easy to di it again in a relationship, because the “seal of integrity” has been broken already. And cheaters do not value the integrity as much in the first place. So in their mind, I’ve done it before, so what’s the big deal now. Thety would cheat AGAIN but hide their tracks better

    But I know I am wasting my time here. You are going to take him back and send him flowers!!

    Did he send you flowers during those 2 months?? No he didn’t. But you are going to reward the cheater with flowers.

    Btw what do you think he’s been doing these 2 months? He was seeing other women and sleeping with them. So let me play this out for you. He cheated on you. You broke it off with him, giving him two months of freedom to taste other women, and then you take him back. Not a bad deal at all, is it? Why not do it again? You’d take him back 6 months later. More time for the V hunt. Excuse my expression!

    but it makes me angry how some women have things upside down in their heads, literally asking for more and more trouble in their lives. Instead of learning a lesson and moving on. “I don’t think he is going to cheat on me again”. Right. For the next 12 months he might not. Think a little past your nose. But if it is fine by you then heck send him flowers why not? Was it going to be roses or peonies? Geez..

    #708205 Reply

    Raven

    Send him skunk weed…

    #743386 Reply

    Paul

    A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I broke up after I lied to her for the 3rd time in our 18 month relationship. OI know it sounds weird, but outside of that, we had an amazing relationship on all levels, intellectually, spiritually, sexually and mentally…we talked many times about getting married and starting a life together. Ewe are both a bit older, I’m 59, she’s 48.

    The day after the breakup, we texted back and forth for a bit. After my last text, I didn’t hear from her, so I gave her space for a couple days. I was at an event and texted her 4 days later saying it wasn’t the same without her not being there and I missed her so much. The next day she texted me saying she was praying for my success. We exchanged some brief texts and then she finally said” we have nothing anymore” and she would appreciate it if I stopped texting her. I was crushed and didn’t respond.

    One of the things we have always had was great communication and I want to send her a letter of apology and also some flowers as she absolutely loves them. I’m dying here and miss my love, my best friend and the love of my life.

    Thoughts?
    Thanks!

    #743389 Reply

    Emma

    What kind of a lie was that? and were they all the same lie repeated three times or different lies?

    #743392 Reply

    Zoe

    Gina, I would pass on the cheater. If you want to call him, try to remember that he cheated on you and how it made you feel. AND he will do it again.

    #743396 Reply

    Raven

    You got caught lying for the 3rd time?!
    The relationship was amazing for who…

    You’da think you’da learned after the first time!

    #743403 Reply

    So toxic

    Read up on heroin addiction and how to recover from it. It’s pretty much the same thing. You guys are going through withdrawals (mentally and physically) and just want to get high again. When you get your hit, you’ll revert back to the old ways, he will go back to cheating, there will be more lies, and you will just go through that pain all over again.

    #743418 Reply

    Really

    Where are all these guys coming from all of a sudden? For real? All with the same theme. They are admitted liars, they dump the woman and then want her back…. really?

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