No second hook up


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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ivone 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 19 posts - 1 through 19 (of 19 total)
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  • #779662 Reply

    Ivone

    I went into this situation, maybe played my hand badly. I wanted probably more than FWB, maybe he picked on that but he decided not to sleep with me again after we were intimate. Maybe it’s for the best but usually guys like easy sex and I feel so bad and remember all the small moments. Many things worked against us, he wasn’t into me. Still guy turning sex down? Abundance of other women? Was I that repelling to him? Did he know I’d be needy? I know it’s pathetic and I feel that way but it ruined my self esteem, bruised my ego and possibilities. I just never heard of guy turning a girl down for sex.

    #779663 Reply

    Mullegoj

    Hey! This is such an unfortunate situation to be in and I have been there myself. You think it is innocent to have sex and it is all fun and good times, but then you realise you have absolutely no control of the situation afterwards and if there will a anymore times.
    If a guy can sense you are into him for more than sex (they sense this no matter how good of an actor you are) they will most likely turn you down. Unless they are a complete piece of trash. They do this in respect for you and also because it is not attractive to be with someone who is more into you than you are into them. Just like you dont want to kiss your friend who is in love with you even though you really like him as a friend.
    Sure if you go to the same parties and stick around till the early drunk hours there might be a possibility that it can happen again. But you do not want to find yourself in a situation like that even though you crave his attention. I think you should really take this as a learning lesson.
    When it comes to sex men need to feel that they have concurred you. You will feel horrible if you sleep with him again and he has no respect for you. Please dont do that! This is though but in a few months you will feel a lot better about yourself! And you will not end up wasting your precious time on something that is not good for your soul!

    #779664 Reply

    Ivone

    Mullegoj, perfect response! It’s clear you know how I feel. A guy senses you’re into him and you can’t hide it. Clear. But what to do? I can’t control if I feel happy around someone. Thanks to you, I no longer think I was that unattractive/stupid/bad at sex/worse than others but I decided to assume the best option, the one you offered- he wasn’t trash enough and even though I slept with him too soon without commitment he knew I wasn’t that girl deep down. So wise of you, I have no control over the situation. I was sure he must have felt some attraction to me and would do it again even out of boredom. I simply assumed he’d want more sex because he’s a guy. I’d be not pleased to be in the bootycall situation but at least you can turn down such an offer. So it’s my lesson.
    It’s personal but does oral sex only counts as being concurred? Or partially?

    #779667 Reply

    Raven

    Sex is sex…

    #779669 Reply

    Ivone

    I know but if it was good and the girl available (me) you just don’t get it why not a repeat. Even if it meant using me. I don’t know if any guy is that good at caring about other’s emotions.. But maybe is like Mullegoj said.

    #779678 Reply

    Better off single

    Wtf? Where is your self respect?

    #779684 Reply

    Anderson 

    “I just never heard of guy turning a girl down for sex.”

    “I don’t know if any guy is that good at caring about other’s emotions”

    These statements are as intriguing as they are baffling. And I’ve realized you’re not the first woman on this forum to have this opinion so it really makes me wonder if there is a common factor that explains these experiences that are so different to my own. I can name a few male acquaintances/friends who wouldn’t have sex with a lady just cause she was offering it freely/again. Very intriguing indeed

    #779700 Reply

    Ivone

    See Anderson, that’s why I was puzzled and my self esteem took a hit. Because even if he thought I’d be too much problem and more difficult to get rid than others and maybe he has some issues (that’s wishful thinking on my part the issues thing), I just can’t understand. You have objectively attractive girl who is into you, wants to have sex, didn’t mention any commitment and just wanted to repeat the experience.
    Mullegoj gave an optimistic excuse – there are so many girls available and he might have pick on my expectations.
    But still.. I know I gave myself freely, maybe I lost self respect but you know I did want to have sex, ok?
    Anderson, what’s your take, what can make a guy not to repeat the hook up? (I’m not a walking STDs, don’t look trashy, I was just easy that night according to the society standards. Of course guys are heroes and I have no self respect duh)

    #779703 Reply

    Vera

    Many times , for guys it’s about the anticipation of new sex (ie with a new girl) , and not the actual sex.
    Heck, even for me as a girl I’ve felt this way after sleeping with a guy I realized I was curious about the sex and since I knew we weren’t compatible for a relationship I thought what’s the point of doing it again – I already know what it’s like . Doesn’t mean the sex was bad or that the guy is a bad person or even that I’m not attracted . It’s just that the anticipation is gone.

    #779705 Reply

    Chris

    In my situation, he was interested in more than a hookup once we did finally meet. He wanted more but was so traumatized by previous relationships that he freaked out when it came time to set up a second date. We did talk about the issue so it wasn’t like I was ghosted. Months past and we saw each other again, he was hinting towards seeing each other, then went radio silent again. In my situation, we have talked and he is afraid that he’s going to get hurt or that he will be used like other women in his life have done. I haven’t given up because he is a good guy, it’s just a challenge to get him to open up. It is just quite an ear opener that not just women get traumatized by a bad relationship and the actions of one person can have an affect on some many.

    #779706 Reply

    Khadija

    Geez all men aren’t into easy sex.

    And where is your self esteem, you are hoping for him to come back to use you for sex?
    Perhaps he picked up on that and decided it isn’t worth the hassle.

    In any case you really need to work on yourself. The rambling about this guy is actually sad.

    #779720 Reply

    Ivone

    So many different opinions. Honestly I seduced him before he had a chance to do so. I just felt free and adventurous and knew we’d might not see each other again so I wanted to sleep with him and see what it’s like. We spent the night and definitely felt a bit of friendly vibes but him being scared that I got attached. At least I don’t wonder why “If I haven’t showed him how great in bed I could be”.
    Vera, anticipation – definitely, honestly the second we met up I knew I want to sleep with him. It almost never happens. So I was a guy in that scenario for a brief moment. I thought guy like hooking up with girls they know they can just to get laid.
    Chris – is this sincere? Everyone gets hurt but we move on and get hurt 100 times more. Your posts shows that nothing is black or white. Guys have their issues too but I have no idea if it’s also an excuse. What others think?
    Khadija – I thought this guy might be into easy sex and I know it sounds pathetic and I should work on myself but don’t be so harsh. Of course I probably wanted for it to develop into something. This forum is for rambling but voicing your opinion without being so judgmental and rude. I already mentioned that yup, pathetic on my part.

    #779726 Reply

    Anderson

    “What can make a guy not to repeat the hook up?”

    The question itself needs to be rephrased. Why would someone even repeat a hookup? There are even hormones in men that lower interest in someone after NSA sex. In fact not repeating hookups happens so often that phrases exist like one-night stand, hit it and quit it, pump and dump etc. Like someone else mentioned, sexual curiosity is a thing. And it’s nothing personal.

    Really, you’ve only made one mistake which many do too: Having expectations with casual sex. In your case it was wanting more plus the assumption that someone will want to have sex with you again in a hookup.

    I don’t think you lost any self-respect. You wanted to sleep with him- you did. Good for you. Your ego though seems to be too fragile and needs to develop some, but this experience will help.

    #779729 Reply

    anon

    How did it get to the point where he turned you down a second time?
    Like usually a hook up will eventually come back if they aren’t involved with someone and you don’t push.
    But he probably sensed you wanted more.

    I have 2 FWB types and we stay pretty minimal contact between connecting. There is no “follow up” texting, though we might say hey or send a funny meme or something. No good guy wants to start an emotional connection with a woman he is just having sex with.

    Actually, I recently reconnected with a guy I hooked up with and he was so oddly intimate in my space, that it was a turn off and I asked him to leave. He literally did nothing wrong, but he started talking about future plans to see me, and just kind of being wayyyyyyy to interested in me. It was so awkward and now I get why guys need to keep that distance….

    #779733 Reply

    Ivone

    Great question. He just said “good night” and that was it. He decided to meet up again after sex but whatever happened in his mind or life he simply didn’t want to have sex again. Which leaves me puzzled.

    #779736 Reply

    Khadija

    I meant your rambling is sad to hear. You shouldn’t have to settle for crumbs from him or any man.

    In the end only he knows why he has decided not to come back for more.
    Really focus on why you would be okay with settling for sex.

    #779741 Reply

    Newbie

    Goddammit ivone, youre annoying me. Its fine to have a one night stand but dont give it meaning. When a guy doesnt want a second one night stand dont give it meaning. If this is your way to get on meeting a guy to be with, you are on the wrong path. Read up on this site and its articles and that gives you clues on how to date. I agree with Anderson, its your ego because you assume all guys are into easy sex, but not guys are alike

    #779763 Reply

    Anderson

    Ivone, I’m curious. How old are you?

    And do you believe any man who had sex with you would be out of his mind to not want to do it again?

    #779764 Reply

    Ivone

    It’s not how I operate and date. I had one ONS and I was done, didn’t think much. This time I was more invested that a guy would follow up after sex and don’t want it literally the last minute. That’s all. I’m furious at myself. I just thought it would be convenient for him to have sex with me and I hoped I’d become something more because I misread the signs.

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