Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Need opinions ex is back?
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Tammy.
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Marisa
Hi,
I’m hoping for unbiased opinions.
He and I were together for a very passionate and affectionate brief period a long time ago that took a long time to disengage. There were no hard feelings between us nor lack of closure. It was more of a case of bad timing.
Then he was in a relationship and I chased him.
Then I was married (6 years after our initial relationship) and he chased me a bit and he told me:
“You know that I would have taken care of you”
Then he was married and we haven’t seen each other in 14 years.
I’ve been divorced for a long time.
He lives in another city. We are not in communication and I’m not sure of his status.
I recently found out that he had been to my place of business 6 months ago. I don’t know how I missed that, but I did and through snooping saw that he had tagged my business on social media etc and left other blatant signs of his visit. (To him there would be no way that I wouldn’t have known that he was coming or had been there, but I didn’t.) Now that I’ve found this out, I then found out that he’s planning on coming back again!
So he’s coming to my place of business twice in 6 months after not being in communication for 14 years.
(We do have acquaintances in common)Do you think that he is trying to see me or just living his life/this is a coincidence?
(He knows that this is my place of business)Thanks!
MTammy
If its connected with work then i think its more to do with work. Hes tagged you bec he knows you and the fact that your working in this place. I doubt hes used this whole thing as an excuse to just reach out to you. Its mostly work i feel and since your connected with this work/ organisation, hes tagged you.
Pls dont make too much out of this. Let him reach out to you personally. Till then assume its just work related.
Marisa
Thanks Tammy. I asked here because I go back and forth. Just to be clear. He is not there for work. The analogy would be if I owned a casino and he tagged himself at my casino. I think that I just answered my own question. Lol! I’m definitely not reaching out to him first.
Thanks!Raven
I think he’s sniffing around…
I’d just sit back & watch what he does…Tallspicy
Oh honey! This whole thing is accepting crumbs. He cant just call you? Please just let this zombie be that. Maybe he just went to go. Until he shows up for real and tagging or liking social media is not real… just dont pay attention. He would have taken care of you? Then why didn’t he the first time? Nostalgia feels warm, but is usually overly romanticized
Marisa
Tallspicy: a zombie for sure! Lol
Why didn’t he take care of me the first time? Because of my lack of self confidence at the time and thinking I was doing the best for him, I told him to go back to his first wife who wanted a second chance.
“Until he shows up for real, just don’t pay attention” is excellent advice.
Thanks!Khadija
If he wants to meet up I’m sure he knows where to find you. Don’t waste all this time and energy playing detective.
Liz Lemon
If a man has serious intentions, he doesn’t play games. He reaches out directly. You have acquaintances in common so it wouldn’t be hard for this guy to get in touch with you.
You found out 6 months after the fact that this guy had visited your business. If he wanted to see you there, he would have contacted you directly and asked to see you.
And you said you “found out he’s planning on coming back again” but I assume it’s not because he contacted you and told you he’s coming?
You’re “not in communication” and you’re “not sure of his status”. So don’t read anything into social media tagging. You don’t even know if the guy is single.
I know it sounds like we’re all Debbie Downers but we’re trying to keep it real. There’s nothing here. Once the guy contacts you directly and starts seeing you in person, then you have something….but until then, there’s nothing.
Maddie
Just want to add on about why it is important that a guy who is for real shows up for real. You never fully got together beyond early days because it sounds from your post like he didn’t offer to commit unless you were unavailable. His issues caused that and mean he wasn’t ready to be a good partner to you, or he would have done it. If he continues to be passive-aggressive and hint here and there instead of plainly showing up, communicating, and follow through with actions and words always aligned… then you know NOTHING has changed within him after all this time. He will still be a bad partner and near-miss, because that’s just who he is. And you don’t need to waste your time on that. Him orbiting does you no good. So don’t read into anything, don’t analyze, again don’t waste your time on him unless he concretely shows up and tells you he wants to get to know you again in hopes that it can lead to a committed relationship (and then follows through consistently).
Marisa
Hi Maddie,
I appreciate you taking the time to write that for this question and anybody else reading. You are 100% correct. Obviously, I know this person better than anyone here lol! And I know that he is capable of being very direct. My question wasn’t about wether or not I should consider a relationship with him. As you have all pointed out, that is not in the table. Communicating with you ladies here, has made this “situation” clearer in my mind and I thank you all. On his side, it is perfectly reasonable to show up at my place of business and expect to see me. As Raven pointed out, he is just “knocking on the door”, wether I decide if I should or should not open that door or if my “ears even hear that knock”, is another question.
Thanks!
MTammy
Has he called on you yet? Let him reach out directly to you. Dnt thnk hes knocked on ur door yet but hes sniffing arnd. Lol.
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