Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › My guy fwb got a bit deep
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
Lane.
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Lily
Hey. I’m really confused with this guy let’s called him Oliver, we met ages ago on bumble and then started following eachother on insta before speaking on sc. I told him I was fine with hooking up with him but I wanted to find someone to date so I would still be dating so which he was fine with. He asked to meet up one day but I told him I had a date which he went weird over, he started saying he wasn’t going to wait around for me and then we got into a disagreement about something small two days later and he bought this guy up despite the fact it was irrelevant.The date didn’t go well and I didn’t plan on seeing him again so I messaged Oliver and asked about seeing him for a hook up, he then said he wanted us to watch movies in bed and relax and enjoy each other’s company as well as the sex. We met up and had a lot of sex however in between it he kept asking me really personal questions such as if I wanted kids and asking all about my family, every single detail. A little while later I went to initiate sex again but he said he was just enjoying talking to me and spending time with me. We spoke about quite deep stuff as he has recently been through a loss of a family member. The whole time I was there he kept on saying how nice it was to have me there and that I was welcome around any time. He doesn’t live close to me so he said about me in the future coming down for the weekend staying over his and he would take me out to different places on a tour. He also kept on saying that he liked being single but he missed being in a relationship. He also sort of hinted to ask if I was seeing someone or if I get hit on a lot. I stayed over night and he could not stop cuddling me the whole time. The next morning I left and he asked me to text him when I got home and that he would come up to see me next time and get a hotel. I text him when I got home however I haven’t heard anything from him since and it has been 2-3 days. He follows a lot of girls on insta and I get the feeling he speaks to a lot of girls however he did leave his phone in the same room with me when he left to go down stairs and let me look through a menu on his phone when he did something else. I am so confused over this guy, please help.
tammy
this was just a one off fling. don’t think hes interested unless its time again for a hookup. dont waste your time. you anyways just wanted a hookup. u had a good time so thats that.
Liz Lemon
Just because a guy has deep conversations with you, or exhibits jealousy when you talk about another guy– does not mean he wants a relationship, or anything serious, with you. I agree with Tammy, sounds like it was just a hookup to me. That’s all you wanted, right? You said “I messaged Oliver and asked about seeing him for a hook up.” Just because he watched movies and had deep conversation with you doesn’t mean it was anything more than that. He might hook up with you again in the future since it sounds like you both had a nice time. But I don’t read his actions as anything more than that.
Maddie
It sounds like there may be some feelings on his end, which is normal when you sleep with someone a bunch and then your jealousy gets stoked, but that does NOT mean he wants any more than what you have. If a guy does want more but is too scared to ever make a move, that’s just as bad as him not being that interested anyway, because it means he’s not ready or emotionally mature enough to step up for a relationship. A guy like that would actually be a lousy boyfriend. So unless he tells you he wants to go on a real date or wants more, assume he doesn’t. His words and actions may start being inconsistent, but that doesn’t mean read into the inconsistency with hope.
It does mean that if the situation stops meeting your needs or is starting to feel complicated and negative, that it may be time to find a new FWB. Or, if your feelings for “Oliver” have grown, you can always tell him and be prepared to step away if he’s not into it. Then he won’t be a distraction anymore from finding what you’re really looking for, and you’ll know for sure.
Karla
For you girl this is the best advice!
Lane
Men are fully capable of enjoying time with a woman without it being just about sex. He clearly told you he enjoys being single but is missing the companionship element that a relationship offers. This is very typical of a man (or woman) who enjoys their freedom but is missing the companionship element a relationship offers. He is essentially wanting the best of both worlds—the *GF experience* without all the expectations of a GF to put it bluntly.
He is merely looking for someone to fill his companionship needs which is why he is not focusing solely on sex but someone he can have a connection with too. Just know, men are able to compartmentalize their lives really well by keeping love, companionship and sex separate from each other; but are territorial by nature too. Because of their biological/genetic make-up it can be very confusing to women who don’t understand how men actually operate—think Mars and Venus lol
This simply isn’t a good FWB fit. You are looking for a sex only situation while seeking a BF and why this is so confusing to you because women aren’t able to compartmentalize (separate) their feelings/emotions like men can. He is looking for a companion he can spend some time with on occasion; and have some sex too while remaining single so there really is no confusion as he clearly explained what he was looking for. If its causing you this much confusion, angst and anxiety its because there’s no meeting of the minds; you have opposing needs/wants or it would be easy breezy (no confusion).
I think it would be best for you to stop seeking sex while dating other men as its causing too much confusion for you—pick one.
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