My boyfriend won't be romantic

Its a major turn off when someone DEMANDS something, such as romance. How long have you been together? A man naturally romances a woman he is deeply in love with and devoted too. It must come from his heart, or it means nothing. Its possible you’ve watched too many Hollywood movies and have this false expectation of how romance works in real life works v. a fantasy movie that involves actors (pretend people in love) that lasts less than two hours.

One cannot expect a man to constantly romance you. Its unrealistic, whereas men show their love in so many different ways, such as taking your car for an oil change or doing it themselves if he knows how; picking up some food for dinner or cooking one when he knows you’ve had a rough week; just coming up and spontaneously giving you a hug and/or kiss; grabbing your hand as your walking—so many little things that truly shows how much he loves you, and it doesn’t have to cost a penny.

If your BF is doing none of this, then I would most surely question if he even loves you. I I suggest you look up the 5 love languages and ask him which one is his primary and secondary as it might help reveal to you *how* he loves. If its not lining up with how he treats you, then I would suspect he’s not in love with you in the way he needs to love a woman to show it.

Yes, and Lane is right.. He’ll only do this stuff if he loves you.

There have been some good points made already, about the 5 love languages, and not demanding/forcing expressions of affection. Anything that is given under duress isn’t coming from the heart. So if he’s giving you flowers because you pressured & guilted him into it, it won’t feel good, as has already been pointed out.

However you’re saying you compliment him, and do stuff for him that you know he likes, but he doesn’t give you the same treatment back? He doesn’t even show that he “appreciates” you? He sounds selfish, honestly. It’s one thing not to buy flowers– my boyfriend is not the flower-buying type either, but he’s very expressive of his love in other ways.

But if you’re saying your boyfriend is not showing you basic appreciation, that’s a separate issue from not getting flowers or romantic gifts. At least, that’s how I’m reading your post.

So to clarify, is the issue that your boyfriend doesn’t make traditional romantic gestures? (that’s something that can’t be forced, as has already been said). Or does he not express basic affection/appreciation towards you? (in which case that signifies a larger problem with the relationship, in my book).

I haven’t demanded anything from him but that he treats me the way that I treat him and he just doesn’t. He says that he loves me and he acts like it sometimes but he’s quick to get angry with me and always has an attitude towards me. We have been together in and off for two years and we’ve been through so much. And when I say romance I mean like opening the door for me or telling me that I’m beautiful. Flowers would be five stars but I really just want him to tell me that I’m beautiful or at least that I’m pretty. I get compliments from everyone but him.

It’s one of those problems where it’s really difficult to say if it’s you with your Hollywood movies expectations, or if it’s your gut telling you that something is off (as in, he’s not into you enough or you’re not compatible). Statistically, probably the former (women always complain about men not being romantic enough, probably because of those different love languages), but there are limits to statistics. My man buys me flowers. He brought flowers to our date after we kissed for he first time on the previous date, to show his appreciation for the kiss, I guess, can you imagine… And I do think that without feeling so cherished by him (obviously not daily, but every now and then he makes me feel like this), I wouldn’t be as happy. So I see the problem.

Sure, demanding is tricky, as others said, you can’t demand signs of love or affection. But on the other hand, without letting him know what’s bothering you, you won’t improve your situation either. So I think, I actually would “demand” – in quotation marks, because all I’m suggesting is signaling to him what your needs are. One quality that makes someone a good long term partner is that they are receptive to feedback. A man who is a good partner material, if he’ll see that something makes you not as happy as you could be, will do anything in his power to change that (unless you’re completely unreasonable, but your requirements don’t sound that bad).

It depends on what exactly you’ve said so far, but I would try to make him understand where you’re coming from and see how he reacts. Just one more time or maybe more clearly. If nothing changes, then you have to decide if you want to put up with this or not. He may not be the romantic type, but there are more important things than flowers. I would think if he gets what you’re saying, he would try a bit harder, but if he doesn’t, it’s up to you.

Is he affectionate? Does he respond when you kiss I’m? Does he hold hands while watching tv, etc… ?

Does he snuggle after sex and say I love you daily?

He is who he is…
You is who You is…
You 2 is not compatible-

Don’t you want a man who love’s you back? Love is not enough, its just a feeling, as is pain, and sadness—there appears to be a lot more of that based on what you’ve written. Its your life and can choose to be happy or miserable as you’re the one who has to deal with him, not any of us because we’ve all been where you are and chose happiness over misery. I would rather be single and happy than in a miserable relationship/marriage—been there, done that, will never do it again.

Are you sure you love HIM? I mean if you love someone you would accept who they are and love them for it. He’s not showing his love and you don’t like that about him and you want him to change. I’d say you’re trying to make a square fit into a circle.

Also, I question his feelings about you because men in love find ways to express it. I’ve had boyfriends from various backgrounds (laborers, Master’s degrees, nurses, IT- poor, average, and wealthy) and every single one of them were able to express their love one way or another. Some with notes, some with flowers or fancy jewelry, others by making be something. I always felt loved in some way. If he does nothing I’d say he’s a poop and the love isn’t there.

End of the day you clearly have a man who is not deeply in love OR cares more for himself than your needs and lives his life that way. Let me tell you why. There are lots of guys who are not the buy-flowers type — but if they fell in love with a girl who was and she hinted or outright said she wanted that — flowers she would get. Men in love live to make their partner feel appreciated.

I think you don’t feel you are worthy of sweet love. You SAY you want it, but if you loved yourself the way you SAY you want to be loved — you wouldn’t put up with a person who doesn’t make you feel cherished. I COMPLETELY understand as I had often dated men in the past who I was infatuated with, always trying to ‘win’ them, make them happy. THEN after adopting a radical self-love program I evolved to being turned OFF by men who weren’t incredibly sweet, chivalrous and caring of me. Now I will be alone before I ever feel not appreciated, loved or desired in a romantic relationship.

It’s OK. Lots of men and women are emotionally unavailable for LOTS of different reasons. But your unhappiness does NOT stem from your boyfriend right now unfortunately. The solutions to our long-term happiness are always found inside our selves. You choose to stay in a relationship that is not meeting your needs. I wish you luck in remedying that with dignity. Not with anger or resentment at the current man. He is WHO HE IS. And feels the ways he feels (or lack of). Let him go gently and start tending to you if you’re really feel that unsatisfied. You can do it.