Miscommunication


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Miscommunication

This topic contains 26 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 27 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #921139 Reply

    Lizzie

    Me and my bf have been together for 6 months. Lately he’s been calling less often but when I call we talk and we meet regularly. We discussed this and he said I am being reasonable and he will fix this. One week later same thing happens. Today I accidentally texted him a text I never intented to send saying I need to talk with him. He didn’t reply but in the evening I texted him a poem I read that reminded me of him for good night. He hasnt replied to that one either. What should I do now?

    #921147 Reply

    Lizzie

    This is what I texted him as last message to my previous accidental one:

    There may be more beautiful times but this one is ours.
    – found it, a goodnight poem x

    #921168 Reply

    Raven

    Do nothing…

    How often do you meet when you don’t call?

    #921169 Reply

    Lizzie

    Every 2 3 days sleep over go out on dates. We were together 2 days ago.

    #921198 Reply

    Raven

    Why do you need so much of his attention?

    #921246 Reply

    Sam

    Hi Lizzie. You’ve done enough. He will reach out when he’s ready. Just breathe :)

    #921314 Reply

    Lizzie

    My friends told me that he’s backing away and losing interest. In my heart I don’t feel that cause when we are together he’s attentive and sweet. I am really confused but I will do nothing.

    #921452 Reply

    Raven

    Can I ask your ages?

    #922107 Reply

    Ewa

    it’s been 6 months he won’t call you every night, I am assuming he has his own life too and tbf you should have one , go out with your friends etc why are you so worried about him not calling you if you are seeing him 2-3 times a week

    #922151 Reply

    Lizzie

    I do have mine and as an introvert i wanted to communicate to him that i am taking step outside my comfort zone by reaching out every time while he’s extroverted and more communicative so he makes our conversations run smoothly. I only started getting worried because he stopped initiating calling for few days but we discussed it when we met. I call him usually once per day and then he calls me later in the evening himself. We don’t really text back and forth but that wasn’t the nature of our interactions since the beginning. He told me to call him whenever i want even more than one time cause i told him how as an introvert even calling my bf i feel like I’m disturbing him so then i start over thinking.

    #922162 Reply

    Ewa

    Lizzie, I get your worry but if you see him 2-3 times a week , you can talk in person , no need to talk over the phone. I used to date a guy who was seeing me regularly and called me between the dates and I felt like we had nothing to talk about

    #922163 Reply

    Ewa

    but also what do you do when you see each other? do you go out? since you said you’re an introvert and he isn’t, how do you spend time?

    #922165 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Why do your friends think he’s losing interest? And why are you letting them get into your head? The worst thing you can do in a relationship is let your friends control how you think.

    I agree with the others, if you see your bf 2-3 times a week, you really don’t need to talk daily. Maybe he doesn’t actually like talking on the phone? I’ve been with my bf almost 4 years. When we first started dating (like in the first 6-8 months), he would call me just to chat– but he actually hates talking on the phone! He just doesn’t enjoy it. So now I don’t expect him to call me for no reason. He’ll call if he has something to say or communicate, but he doesn’t call just to chat about nothing. We spend a lot of time in person anyway and we text a lot too, so it works for us.

    My point is, maybe your boyfriend doesn’t enjoy talking on the phone daily, and now that you’ve been together 6 months, he’s not trying to impress you anymore. That’s not a bad thing– once you’ve been with someone awhile they get relaxed and stop some of the behaviors they used to woo you in the first place.

    #922170 Reply

    Lizzie

    We go out on dates or stay home watching movies. Sometimes he returns my calls right away sometimes he takes some hours to get back to me. For example today I called him during my lunch break and he hasn’t called back for five hours. I am not sure whether I should drop him a message. He says he likes receiving my calls. We talk about a lot of stuff we don’t usually run out of things to say.

    #922171 Reply

    Ewa

    Lizzie,
    well he is at work so maybe he is concentrating on that, but I would stick to messaging for now not calling, certainly not during the day when he is busy with work. Maybe just maybe it is a bit too soon, too quick for him. He can say , call me whenever you want but men sometimes say it because they think it is something you want to hear it , it is not a permission to call whenever you want.

    #922174 Reply

    Lizzie

    Yes you are right! My grandfather died yesterday so he called me last night and we talked a bit. I was calling today to let him know that I am doing alright and ask if he wanted to go for a wine. I guess I will text him in a bit to ask him if he wants to meet. And I will certainly back off calling as it’s obvious he doesn’t particularly enjoy that. Interestingly, when I dont call or text him back he gives me a call but I do give him more space to get back to me on his own pace.

    #922178 Reply

    Ewa

    Lizzie, sorry about your loss, but in this case he should be the one checking on you not other way around, he should be asking if you need some company

    #922185 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I’m sorry for your loss. However it sounds to me like you aren’t even giving this guy a chance to reach out. You talked last night and then called him today over lunch? He’s at work, give the guy some space! I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. You said yourself that you noticed that when you back off and give him a bit of space, he reaches out. So learn from that, just sit back and let him check in on you.

    I’m sorry about your grandfather, do you have other friends/family you can lean on at this time? Your bf shouldn’t be the only person supporting you now. You say you are dating 6 months, which is significant, but it’s still a relatively young relationship. Your bf should not be your primary source of support at this stage (in my opinion– he is not a husband or long-term partner). Your relationship is still developing, you need to give it time. At this rate it sounds like you are somewhat smothering him. Give him a bit of space and don’t make him the focus of your life– you should be calling and spending time with friends and family too, not just him.

    #922195 Reply

    Lizzie

    He did. I am just a wreck and trying to cope with it as I Didnt get the chance to say goodbye due to covid and I couldn’t attend funeral as I live abroad. He is supporting me but I want to grieve and process this on my own. My grandfather raised me almost and I was pretty close with him.

    #922197 Reply

    Lizzie

    At this point I’m still at shock and I did call him cause I needed to talk with him and he called me back asking to come and visit me. I told him that I need some days to go through my grief. Its a difficult moment for me and I needed my bf cause he’s also a dear friend and a person with whom I share everything. Yes I do have friends and family but it seems everybody is preoccupied with their own life and kind of left me alone apart from some cliche stuff they told me nobody has visited me. My family is away and most of my friends live in other countries.

    #922199 Reply

    Lizzie

    *I mean I needed to talk to him about my loss and feelings of despair. Normally I wouldn’t reach out again after talking last night but you understand I am in a stage of grief and just trying to gather support from loved ones. Eventually I will deal with this personally as I dont feel like being with people at the moment.

    #922203 Reply

    Ewa

    Lizzie , did he call you back or at least offered some support ? I wouldn’t rely on him even if he is a friend. He knows you’re grieving and still he hasn’t bothered to reach out to you . That’s not right

    #922210 Reply

    Raven

    Well, you told him, “I need some days to go through my grief…”

    Have you posted about this guy before?

    I’m sorry about your Grandfather…

    #922218 Reply

    Andrea

    What was the exact wording of the accidental text? A few thoughts:

    1. I know it’s hard because women often put more meaning into texts than men do, but chill out sweetie! If he is still asking to see you 2-3 times a week consistently AND taking you on REAL dates that require some amount of planning and some of his resources, then that says more about how he feels about you than texts. (NOT saying he has to spend a whole lot.)

    2. If this guy ends up being the One, at some point you will hear from him daily by default, because you’ll be married to him lol So relax!

    3.If you have time to sit and think about his texting patterns in detail, you don’t have enough other things occupying your time–going to the gym, hanging out with friends, personal hobbies and interests, etc. Your relationship should only be one aspect of your life, not the main part.

    #922222 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Raven has a good point– did you tell him you need time to process your grief? He may think you need space and not want to bother you.

    I’m really sorry you feel so isolated in this moment of grief. I understand why you need support from your bf. The thing is, if you pressure him too much, you may just wind up pushing him away. It’s really unfortunate that your friends and family are far away, but it doesn’t mean you should put all the responsibility of emotionally supporting you on a boyfriend of only 6 months.

    Again, I hope this does not sound harsh, I really am sorry what you are going through. I just think it will backfire if you make your bf the only person you turn to for support. That’s not a healthy dynamic in any relationship. You don’t have a single friend where you live aside from him that you can talk to? What about calling or doing a Zoom call with a friend/relative from your home country?

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 27 total)
Reply To: Miscommunication
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics