Miscommunication

This is what I texted him as last message to my previous accidental one:

There may be more beautiful times but this one is ours.
– found it, a goodnight poem x

Every 2 3 days sleep over go out on dates. We were together 2 days ago.

Hi Lizzie. You’ve done enough. He will reach out when he’s ready. Just breathe :)

Can I ask your ages?

I do have mine and as an introvert i wanted to communicate to him that i am taking step outside my comfort zone by reaching out every time while he’s extroverted and more communicative so he makes our conversations run smoothly. I only started getting worried because he stopped initiating calling for few days but we discussed it when we met. I call him usually once per day and then he calls me later in the evening himself. We don’t really text back and forth but that wasn’t the nature of our interactions since the beginning. He told me to call him whenever i want even more than one time cause i told him how as an introvert even calling my bf i feel like I’m disturbing him so then i start over thinking.

but also what do you do when you see each other? do you go out? since you said you’re an introvert and he isn’t, how do you spend time?

We go out on dates or stay home watching movies. Sometimes he returns my calls right away sometimes he takes some hours to get back to me. For example today I called him during my lunch break and he hasn’t called back for five hours. I am not sure whether I should drop him a message. He says he likes receiving my calls. We talk about a lot of stuff we don’t usually run out of things to say.

Yes you are right! My grandfather died yesterday so he called me last night and we talked a bit. I was calling today to let him know that I am doing alright and ask if he wanted to go for a wine. I guess I will text him in a bit to ask him if he wants to meet. And I will certainly back off calling as it’s obvious he doesn’t particularly enjoy that. Interestingly, when I dont call or text him back he gives me a call but I do give him more space to get back to me on his own pace.

I’m sorry for your loss. However it sounds to me like you aren’t even giving this guy a chance to reach out. You talked last night and then called him today over lunch? He’s at work, give the guy some space! I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. You said yourself that you noticed that when you back off and give him a bit of space, he reaches out. So learn from that, just sit back and let him check in on you.

I’m sorry about your grandfather, do you have other friends/family you can lean on at this time? Your bf shouldn’t be the only person supporting you now. You say you are dating 6 months, which is significant, but it’s still a relatively young relationship. Your bf should not be your primary source of support at this stage (in my opinion– he is not a husband or long-term partner). Your relationship is still developing, you need to give it time. At this rate it sounds like you are somewhat smothering him. Give him a bit of space and don’t make him the focus of your life– you should be calling and spending time with friends and family too, not just him.

At this point I’m still at shock and I did call him cause I needed to talk with him and he called me back asking to come and visit me. I told him that I need some days to go through my grief. Its a difficult moment for me and I needed my bf cause he’s also a dear friend and a person with whom I share everything. Yes I do have friends and family but it seems everybody is preoccupied with their own life and kind of left me alone apart from some cliche stuff they told me nobody has visited me. My family is away and most of my friends live in other countries.

Lizzie , did he call you back or at least offered some support ? I wouldn’t rely on him even if he is a friend. He knows you’re grieving and still he hasn’t bothered to reach out to you . That’s not right

What was the exact wording of the accidental text? A few thoughts:

1. I know it’s hard because women often put more meaning into texts than men do, but chill out sweetie! If he is still asking to see you 2-3 times a week consistently AND taking you on REAL dates that require some amount of planning and some of his resources, then that says more about how he feels about you than texts. (NOT saying he has to spend a whole lot.)

2. If this guy ends up being the One, at some point you will hear from him daily by default, because you’ll be married to him lol So relax!

3.If you have time to sit and think about his texting patterns in detail, you don’t have enough other things occupying your time–going to the gym, hanging out with friends, personal hobbies and interests, etc. Your relationship should only be one aspect of your life, not the main part.