Just found out he has a gf


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This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maddie 3 days, 8 hours ago.

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  • #926930 Reply

    Ellen

    I met this guy on a social platform (Not Dating App) and we click really well. We got similar interest and he seem to be a really polite and thoughtful guy. We talk everyday and he would always want to know how my day is and my plan for the week, we don’t flirt. I thought that we have a connection and I start to like him a lot.

    However after talking everyday for 1 month I realised I never ask him if he have a gf. Which turn out that he does and they been together for nearly a year now. He said they meet at the start of lockdown so things been hard.

    I don’t get why he never bring up his gf when we talk or why would he msg me everyday showing interest in my daily life. Should I continue talking to him as a friend or is it better off to back away since he have a gf?

    #926932 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Cut it off. A guy who talks to another woman on a daily basis when he has a GF isn’t trustworthy. And this is going nowhere. You’re getting set up to be just an ego boost and a side piece.

    #926949 Reply

    Raven

    A “polite and thoughtful guy” with a girlfriend, doesn’t chat up another chick on a daily basis…

    Also, you’ve not met in person?

    #927171 Reply

    Ellen

    We haven’t meet in person, only msg and call. I don’t think his chatting me up since he never complimented me or flirt with me. We just talk about our days and that’s it.

    Is it not worth having him as a friend? It just I feel we so similar and it’s been easy to talk to him. I don’t even know how to cut him off if I really needed to.

    #927191 Reply

    Raven

    I wonder what his GF would think of his daily texts & calls to you…

    #927199 Reply

    Ewa

    The question you should be asking is how would you feel if he was your bf messaging a complete stranger on social media?

    #927226 Reply

    Andrea

    Since you’re interested in romantically, you need to cut him off and move on. Don’t be THAT woman.

    #927240 Reply

    Maddie

    What Andrea said.

    #927248 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Tell him you feel uncomfortable talking every day with a man who has a GF, because you know you wouldn’t like it if you found out your BF had contacted a woman he didn’t know on social media and struck up a “friendship” and was talking to her every single day.

    Say that and see what he says.

    #927565 Reply

    Ellen

    You’re right, if I was his gf I wouldn’t like it if he was talking to another girl everyday even if it was just casual/friendly chat. I will probably reply less and I think eventually it will die out.

    #927586 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    It’s EXTREMELY shady that you’ve been talking to this guy daily for a month and he’s never even mentioned a girlfriend! She never came up in conversation, not once? When you asked him what did he that day, or what his plans are for the weekend, he doesn’t say “My girlfriend and I….” He’s hiding it for a reason, probably because he wants to cheat.

    I also agree with what’s been said, that it’s inappropriate for a man in a relationship to strike up a “friendship” with daily calls to a woman he met online. If the shoe were on the other foot, and HIS girlfriend was talking daily to a man she’d met online, I bet he would NOT be okay with it.

    #927767 Reply

    AngieBaby

    This morning I pushed off a guy on Facebook who friended me two weeks ago and then started saying hello, how are you, how’s your day, what are you plans for the week every morning. I ignored him after the third day but I liked something he posted yesterday and he started up again this morning.

    My profile clearly states I’m in a relationship. So I asked him directly if there was something he wanted to talk about because I don’t have time for daily chit-chat with strangers on social media and he answered he wanted to get to know me and be friends because I seem very intelligent and pretty.

    I reminded him I have a BF as shown in my profile and asked him how he would like it if someone were talking to his GF the way he was talking to me and he disappeared. (His profile looked legit or I wouldn’t have accepted the friend request – I don’t accept requests from doctors and military serving overseas that have almost nothing in their profiles.)

    Guys chat up women on social media because they’re bored, looking for an ego boost, want to emotionally cheat, etc. (And of course there are the scammers.) Don’t waste your time. They will waste as much of your time as you allow. You’ve already given this random dude waaaay too much of your time.

    #927777 Reply

    Sara

    Are you too just exchanging platonic, generic type messages? Or is he revealing a lot of his personal life & trying to get close as a friend? If the former, I don’t see the problem with being casual here and there.

    #927788 Reply

    Raven

    Sure @Sara, when your BF exchanges ‘platonic generic type messages’ & phone calls DAILY with some chick he’s met online, then you can have an opinion.

    #927802 Reply

    Sara

    Raven. I can have an opinion either way.

    #927807 Reply

    Raven

    @Sara, so you’re ‘that’ girl…

    #927932 Reply

    Ellen

    @Liz Lemon, every time we talk and ask about each other day he would only say he went out with friends or he didn’t do much mainly home due to restrictions. It’s only when I ask if he has a gf that’s when he said yes. Last weekend when we were msging I ask what his plan for the weekend and it was the first time he said he might be visiting his gf. So I thought maybe he does only see me as a friend since he was comfortable talking about seeing his gf.

    He msg me everyday but we only ever talk on the phone twice. But I do agree that it is not right for him to talk to me everyday when he has a gf.

    @Angiesbaby, thank you for sharing your story with me. I understand and agree that I have given him a lot of my time and attention already. It is not worth it.

    @Sara, I think it is platonic. We don’t constantly text either only a few msgs a day. He do talk about himself a bit but not very often or a lot.

    #928732 Reply

    Dex

    Umm, thank you Raven, THANK YOU.

    Nobody ever wants to hear the hard news (myself included), but- you are spot on. AB even gave an example of their dumb BS. Guys don’t just contact a woman 1:1 “just to be new best buddies!!.” There’s a reason.

    Next! (Please give yourself compassion tho)

    Tagged: @Raven

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  ANM Staff. Reason: Fixed typo for Dex
    #928733 Reply

    Dex

    Also seconding Andrea. Well put.

    #928734 Reply

    Dex

    Sorry for all the typos. I meant “Guys *don’t* just contact women to be best buddies.” Not sure if the ANM moderators can edit and fix for me, again apols.

    Mod update: Ok no prob, I happened to notice and had a moment to fix it up :)
    #928864 Reply

    Ellen

    Not sure if I mention this but we live in different country so I think he only see me as a friend.

    We will probably never meet in person, so I just think that staying friends doesn’t harm anyone. We also only have really short conversations, just asking how our days are.

    Is it true that a guy can’t just be friend with a girl? How do I know if he want more because so far it just seem like we’re casual friends.

    #928874 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Ellen, looks like you’re back to square one.

    If you want to “just be friends” then go ahead, no one here can stop you. You now seem to want to ignore all the advice you’ve gotten here.

    If you want to fritter away your time messaging and talking with a random man in another country who you will likely never meet and who is romantically involved with someone else, it’s your life. Obviously you don’t value your time very much or are desperate for “friends.”

    But if you want someone here to tell you it’s OK, I think Sara is going to be the only one who will ago alone with that.

    For the last time – good men don’t chat up women on the internet when they already have a GF. You’ve been warned.

    Good luck.

    #928875 Reply

    mama

    He is being duplicitous in the fact that he was not forthcoming about having a girlfriend. You think distance is keeping this “platonic” but there such things as emotional affairs.

    Please don’t be this naive.

    #928882 Reply

    Raven

    Let us know when he asks for money…

    #928884 Reply

    Maddie

    Men and women can absolutely be just friends. That usually comes with meeting in real life and connecting platonically. Men in other countries who are hitting up random single women when they already have girlfriends are not looking for friends. They’re looking for attention, validation, a side piece (if you were local), or to scam you out of money.

    If this were related to professional networking or even if you have common interests and it was more organic, the fact that he talks to you daily and didn’t mention a gf for the first month means he’s not just looking for a friend. It would still be an occasional contact if innocent bonding over a mutual interest or talent, and a significant other would be mentioned in most contexts (maybe not right away if it was professional networking and staying strictly professional, which this sounds like it was not).

    You know all the context clues and what is going on here. But you’ll see it however you want to if you want to justify making an emotionally intimate connection with a taken stranger from the internet if you’re lonely and in need of connection yourself. Be careful, pull it back, and try to seek out real connections elsewhere that are more local. Platonic or otherwise. You do not need to chat every day of the week with a guy whom you’ve never actually met and who has a girlfriend (a girlfriend that he says things are “hard” with since lockdown!! FWIW, I met my boyfriend during lockdown and things between us aren’t hard at all, even though the pandemic itself sucks… sounds like a validation-seeking excuse to me). Don’t sell yourself short.

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