Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › Is my ex interested despite having a new gf?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
mell.
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Sammy29
My boyfriend of a year broke up with me in October, and we haven’t really spoken since (I was trying no contact but then he didnt engage very enthusiastically when I messaged) though he does always like my social media posts. I was in his town in March and bumped into him in the street and suggested we went for coffee which went really well. Immediately afterwards he messaged to say he’d love to do it again whenever I’m next in town and I agreed. We continue messaging and he reveals he is ‘seeing someone’ but we carry on chatting replying to each other only every 24 hours or so but that’s now been going on for a month. Thing is three days ago he posted a load of photos with his new girlfriend (something he never did with me) and its become clear they’ve been together since about a month after the breakup and are much more serious than I realised. However the ex is still finding random reasons to message me and I’m not sure what he’s up to. Is it just that he feels bad knowing those pictures with his new gf would upset me? Does he genuinely want to be friends? Or is he using me because he’s lonely (she lives abroad outside of term time and term has ended due to the pandemic so they likely won’t see each other for a while)?
I can’t tell if him messaging is a good or a bad sign or how to use it to my advantage to win him back so any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!Raven
You really want to win back a guy who messages other girls behind his GF’s back?
T from NY
I’m sad your response wasn’t anger and disgust that he would first break up with you after a year — and then try to keep you as a side chick. If he’s doing this to her I wonder what he did to you behind your back?
Sammy29
To be fair the messages are just friendly and platonic, just general chats about life/ family/studying etc and I don’t think he’s hiding it from his new girlfriend :) Just more of a question of whether or not I should take the friendliness is a good sign in terms of getting him back :)
Tallspicy
Yikes? And gross. Any man will cheat on someone will cheat on you. He is most likely bored and you stroke his ego with no real interest. He is showing you in every way he is serious with her, and keeping you on the side, which is because you respond and hope to manipulate him back.
Maybe you both deserve each other.
Healthy reaction: stop responding or tell him you do not feel comfortable with ongoing conversations with men in relationships. It is best to not engage so much.
It is called standing in your value and being a decent person without ruining your karma. Which you will if you pursue this.
Tallspicy
Getting him back??? He is in a relationship that is very public. Please look at your self esteem issues that you want this in this way.
Lane
I would put zero stock into this, move on, and put him in the past asap! If its nothing but a HELL YES, then its a HELL NO! He is intentionally posting those photo’s of his new GF up so you get *the clue* that he’s not interested in re-kindling anything with you, that he’s moved on, and you need to do the same.
A lot of time needs to pass before you can legitimately become friends. If you still have romantic feelings for them, then you need to remain in no contact until such time you have no romantic notions and feel “indifferent” towards them, which is where he’s at with you. Until you can get to that place, its best to stay away from the fire or you will just end up burning (torturing) yourself.
Andrea
Why would you try to move in on another woman’s man??? That’s foul.
Jo
You claim it’s innocent and open then suggest it’s a sign you could get him back. Can’t you see how ridiculous that is?
I feel sorry for the girlfriend. You’ll be doing him a favour if you manage to get him back and you deserve each other.
mell
I second all of the above.
1. Messages aren’t platonic if you secretly hope to get him back. The context matters – between recent exes where there’s feelings, EVERYTHING carries an undertone. Just like, say, the messages between me and my BF are platonic when they aren’t about sex. You’re continuing to reply because you want him back – this is nto an innocent interaction. You aren’t technically cheating on his GF together, but you’re certainly an interested party in their relationship breaking up.
And yeah, she’d be right to be pissed and jealous if she knew – this is inappropriate. Not because your messages are inappropriate, but because you contacting him to try to get him back is inappropriate. I would’t want a BF messsaging an ex with feelings – even if I trusted him, I wouldn’t like he idea of him messaging soneone with poor boundaries who didn’t respect his current relationship and who might be obsessing over him.
2. if it’s innocent, it can’t be evidence he wants you back.
3. Don’t try to be friends with recent exes, or any ex you have even the slightest bit of romantic interest in. It’ll hurt you every time they so much as walk past a woman. And yeah, you’ll have to see all their GF pics, then wedding pics, then baby pics etc – and watch them be perfectly happy with someone else. Staying social media friends to see that is just… self defeating and I’ve seen it ruin my friends’ self esteems. Why do that to yourself, there’s no shortage of other people to befriend. It never ends well.
4. Why would you want any man who would leave a longterm girlfriiend for you. Yes, even if you are an ex – you can’t call dibs on a lover – once you broke up that’s it. I’ve fallen for men with girlfriends. Hard. But you distance yourself because you know that any man who dumps his GF for you isn’t worth having. How will you ever trust him if he did?
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