Is his silence a response?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Is his silence a response?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #796381 Reply

    Cindy

    A have a friend I’m very much into. But I know he’s not exactly good for me. He walks, talks and looks like a player. He argues that it isn’t how it looks and that he appreciates me because I’m the only one who truly sees him. But deep down I know what he’s about. We had a stint in which we were friends with benefits but due to other circumstances and drama, dropped it and remained friends. Regardless, I have feelings for him and remaining on a friendship basis isn’t making me feel great. So I told him how I felt and that I know he doesn’t see me the same way. And that because of that I can’t continue with our friendship as it is. He was caught off guard and didn’t see that coming. He said it was a lot to process and asked if he could have a week or two to think about things. That was two weeks ago today. This past weekend a mutual friend invited a few of us to the beach. He showed up with a long-time female friend visiting from out of town. He had told me about her before, they were also fwb at one point years ago. During our time at the beach he didn’t attempt to address the conversation or talk to me privately, and we only talked casually when the group was engaged. As he was leaving he gave me a hug and said “see you later?” To which I whispered “I hope not”. He said “ouch” and looked up at me a few times as he was packing. At one point at the beach we danced to a song and a friend took a video. He just sent me a video, which I’m assuming is that one but don’t really know since I haven’t opened the message. But he hasn’t said anything else. Part of me wants to bring up that it’s been two weeks of silence and that I’m taking that as an indicator that he didn’t have much to think about. But I’m not sure. Should his silence speak for itself and I should just try to move on? I’ve tried moving on from him in the past and it hasn’t worked. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him so much and not knowing why he doesn’t want me is torture.

    #796386 Reply

    Paige

    If he wanted to be with you, he would.

    #796402 Reply

    Alice

    Do Not bring anything up to him and save yourself the embarrassment of looking like a desperate girl.

    If he wants you, he will reach out AND discuss it with you.

    Don’t force guys to have conversations about being together, it’s not cute and makes you look clingy and weak.

    Be strong and move on from him. I know you don’t want to but we can’t force people to be with us.

    #796421 Reply

    Patti

    You are wasting your energy and time on this guy! He’s a player, right? What more is there you need to obsess about. He’s playing you. They treat you like garbage so that you will be upset and think of him constantly.

    Please move on!

    #796428 Reply

    Raven

    Yes, his silence is your answer…

    He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but too late for that.
    Don’t torture yourself…
    Cut ties with this guy.

    #796441 Reply

    Ss

    He isn’t interested but is trying to avoid drama by not saying so. Don’t be friends with people you’ve had sex with unless you are genuinely not hoping for more.

    This is a YOU problem not a HIM problem. Where are your boundaries? Where is your self respect? Making snarky comments is not cool. He sees you as a friend only. You know this. You knew this when you told him how you felt so not sure why you are mad at him. He never acted like he wanted more (from the little you’ve said) so whilst its fine for you to say how you feel, its not fair to be cross he doesn’t feel the same way – especially as you knew he didn’t anyway! The meeting at the beach where he knew you would be and where he chose to bring another woman was never going to be the time or place to address things so its odd you thought he might.

    Take his silence on the matter as his response- he is not interested at all. Bringing it up again isn’t going to make you feel better. Is hearing him say that he has no feelings for you going to do you any good? No! Of course it wont. If he wanted to be with you he would be and he certainly wouldn’t give 2 weeks of silence if he wanted to be with you.

    Drop him, wallow in feeling crappy about unrequited feelings for a bit then move on and find a man who will love the hell out of you. Look after YOU xx

    #796519 Reply

    mama

    Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all talk about things openly and with clarity? About what we want, what we don’t want? Not everyone has that ability — we could all learn those skills, but we don’t. As a result, some of us are better at it than others.

    So we often have to rely on the actions of others. His actions are showing you that he doesn’t want a relationship, but he also is uncomfortable with you being upset. Honestly who gives AF that he’s uncomfortable with you being upset. That’s not your problem.

    His avoidance about your issue is your answer, your queue, your sign to move on. You said you’ve tried to move on in the past but have not been able to. Do you realize that is holding you back from meeting a man who’s really into you? I hope you think about that. There are amazing, good men out there and one or some are looking for someone exactly like you. It’s time to put the blinders down and look at what else is out there.

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