Is he playing games with me?

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  • #944038 Reply

    I’m 28. Matched with this guy (30) on tinder. Didn’t talk on tinder and took it to Snapchat as he was scared of catfish and fake accounts. Says on his profile he would rather skip all the small talk and meet.

    Chatted a bit on day 1 then he left me on read. So I took that as he ghosted me so I didn’t bother reaching out again. Plus I was going on a big trip with my friends so I didn’t care, his lost because I know I’m pretty, a decent person, genuine, good GF material.

    Then 2 days later, he sends me photos on Snapchat of him at work. So I snapped a photo back. Chatted a bit and again he left me on read. At this point I’m like what an a hole, left me on read again but I was on holiday so I’m more chilled than normal. And plus it was a good ego stroke for me anyway because he’s v handsome and I’m quite pretty too.

    Then 1 day later, he snapped another photo of him at work. At this point, I just feel meh.. what now. I didn’t bother asking him any questions because I know he’s gonna leave me on read so I just kept the message on the photo short and simple (talked about weather, have fun, location..)

    I don’t use Snapchat at all , I find taking photos a lot of effort, rather text but I can tell he uses Snapchat quite a bit but keeps the message very short and simple.

    I am curious though, what’s his deal? I’m trying to take a chill pill and go with the flow. But I am intrigued to see what’s he’s playing at?

    He had his socials linked so I noticed he has a kid, probs 4 years old and looks like he split up with his GF (mum of baby) during covid (2020-2021). I hope he’s not looking for rebound or just to talk. I mean this was 3 years ago now.

    I’m hoping he’s looking for a significant other. But if he’s not, I’m not that bothered by it (ok maybe be a bit bothered by it because I feel like he’s playing a with me). I don’t like people playing me, makes me look like a fool (it’s to save face more than anything else really). I mean he’s a dad, surely he can’t be that childish playing games with me.

    What do you guys think?

    #944039 Reply

    You haven’t even met the man so who cares?

    I’m not even sure what your question is. People work and have lives. They can’t respond every second. It isn’t ghosting if someone takes a few hours to read/respond to a Snap/Text/Phone call. Nor does someone who hasn’t met you owe you any of their time.

    #944040 Reply

    He’s 13

    #944041 Reply

    If you feel like he’s ghosting and playing games, why would you want a relationship with someone like that? Wouldn’t meeting pretty much anyone else be better?

    #944042 Reply

    Raise your standards Jennifer and stop wasting your time with this situation. Look at how many times you said “I hope” or “I’m hoping.” You already know this guy isn’t serious but you’re still playing along because he’s good looking and because you want an ego stroke. That’s low value behavior. Who cares what he’s playing at? As you say, you’re great GF material, so act accordingly and stop playing silly buggers with this man. FYI, men who are fathers aren’t guaranteed to be mature.

    And for safety reasons, avoid going off the dating platform until you meet. This guy has way too much information about you and you haven’t even met.

    #944043 Reply

    30 years old man , using snapchat at work? how attractive…he has a child but acts like he is still a child. You are boosting his ego, he is probably messaging 5 other girls at the same time.

    #944044 Reply

    Next, he hasn’t set up a date and he’s communicating with you through Snapchat.

    #944046 Reply

    I agree to stay on the app until about dates out. A little hint about men. Ignoring his next question altogether would likely get him to ask you out.

    #944047 Reply

    *5 dates out

    #944093 Reply

    Tough love time… you have remarkably low standards and that is on you. Talk on Snapchat. No. Weird photos from work. No. Disappears and reappears lately. No

    But the worst part is you saying you are hoping for him to want something real when ge has already demonstrated he is a man child.

    We don’t get mad or frustrated. We give 0 fs to any man not our boyfriend, we are single u til he is your boyfriend, and we recognize early signs of someone unable to give us what we want… and walk away.

    #944094 Reply

    It is totally fine to connect off the site if you want to. But men who over communicate are usually a waste of time.

    #944096 Reply

    Going off a dating site before meeting in person carries risk that shouldn’t be ignored. I had a friend who got on WhatsApp and social media with a guy after two days of talking on the site – his idea. He strung her along for over a month before they finally met. He was not at all who he said he was. She politely declined to see him again. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He basically stalked her for 6 months in some creepy ways I won’t get into here. She reported him to the dating site but they said nothing we can do, you have all these conversations off the site. She involved the police and he still wouldn’t stop. They told her until he threatened her life, there was nothing they could do. He finally stopped and she was able to find out he had moved out of town. It took her a full year to chill out and put the whole thing behind her. She tells everyone she meets it was not worth it, she should have not gotten so friendly so fast with him. She was flattered he seemed so interested in her and let her guard down way too soon.

    Please please please take proper security measures when dating online. For me that means I don’t give out my last name, I use a nickname not my full real name on the site and I use a burner phone if I want to have a conversation before meeting. I also think some sites offer a phone service so they don’t get your real number. If I like the guy and feel safe on the first date, I will tell him my name and offer my phone number. I wait at least three dates before getting into a car with him or going to each other’s homes.

    #944097 Reply

    What works for different people works for different people. To be honest, why did your friend spend a month talking to someone, most likely over investing. Red flag for her there as much as him.

    I don’t give a man my number until he has asked me to meet. I don’t want or need pen pals

    I don’t give them my last name at all

    I don’t over engage with man. We text a few times, he asks me out, I give him my number to call me. I don’t go out with anyone I have not spoken to on the phone and I meet him in a public place.

    #944098 Reply

    Never move off the site to just chat. Never. And make sure their profile has the validation. If he doesn’t. I ask him to validate. Bumble and hinge and match all have thar. She could have saved her issue with that.

    #944099 Reply

    If he looks too good to be true, do reversearch on the photos, and assume if he is rushing you off the site, without offering to just call, he is a scammed or waste of time. Also have him validate the photos on the site.

    You should never be flattered when someone new is so into you… anxiously attached people find that nice, i find it unhealthy and off-putting. Healthy is low and slow…

    #944100 Reply

    And if he giving you the run around, you run away… that is on you to protect yourself. Here is what yoir friend missed:
    A. Was his profile validated
    B. Did he ask her out or just move off the site
    C. Did he overengage by texting a ton
    D. Did he ever speak to her on the phone
    E. Was he sending her photos off the site
    F. Are they creating what feels like connection without talking on the phone or meeting up.
    G. Was he giving her excuses or not engaging in actually meeting up?

    It is your job to screen, and I am sorry she had that experience, but it seems that happened because she is easily persuaded to be involved instead of making him earn her time and engagement.

    All of this

    #944101 Reply

    Tallspicy, thank you for laying all of that out. You and I have the wisdom and the process defined and our standards set high – we are the minority. The majority of women do NOT, hence the existence of this forum and all the posts from women who have compromised their security because they don’t have standards and don’t understand the very real risks of online dating and aren’t protecting themselves properly, despite the warnings on the dating sites. And don’t even get me started on, don’t give money to someone you’ve never met…

    #944103 Reply

    Yikes! Seriously… I see you Angie 😉😂☺️

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