Is he over it?


This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #791962 Reply

    Carrie

    I posted in another forum, I think it was the wrong one, so here we go.
    Guy friend and I had feelings, work together, cant be more than friends, just absolutely cant. I am the type that needs to talk to him everyday or I feel inscure. WHen I feel insecure, I tell him what he should be doing. Sometimes he will step up, like when I said I wanted to have him initiate calls, he did, then kinda stopped. He always answered when I called, when he was in a meeting, even going to the bathroom, lol I told him to stop answering then, but he always did anyway. Then suddenly, he stopped when he was busy, I would have to call like 2 times before he returned my call, so the cycle starts as I feel like im being ghosted. WHen I call him out and ask if he just wants to stop being such close friends, he says no. I guess I just dont get why he cant put more effort into me? Does it seem like he doesnt care? If I left it up to him to call me, it would take several days. Im afraid of the no contact rule because im afraid he will just take it as an opportunity, so Id like insights on whether I should see that he wants the opportunity. I drive him crazy with my neurotic ” did something change, why dont you call me” weekly thing, and he tells me then apologizes and we’re good again. So to break the cycle, I dont know what to do.

    #791963 Reply

    Carrie

    to be clear, I love him as a close friend, we don’t and cant have a relationship, I just want to feel like he wants me to be as close as we are or my thought of us being anyway. I dont want to feel like I put in all the effort. I just want to feel important to him

    #791966 Reply

    kaye

    Let me get this straight, you can’t be more than close friends…for some reason you don’t and can’t have a relationship…yet you expect him to act like a boyfriend? You have to talk to him every day, you call him multiple times until he returns your calls, expect him to stop what he’s doing to answer your calls, even if he’s busy. Girl, I don’t even expect that from my HUSBAND!!  If my husband is busy I know he will return my call when he can and I don’t call him again. 

    You are expecting way too much of this man. You don’t have to talk to your close friends every day, and the fact you think it might take him several days to call you back if you didn’t call him is NORMAL! What is not normal is your insecurities and expectations of his behavior. You know you drive him crazy with your neurotic behavior on a weekly basis. Quite frankly I don’t know why he puts up with it! 

    Do you expect the same from your best girlfriend too? I bet you don’t. I think you are in love with this guy and want a relationship but for some reason you can’t have it. You really need to work on yourself and your insecurities. You are going to push all kinds of people in your life away with your behavior. If you can’t control it on your own then I suggest therapy and possibly medication for your anxiety. 

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