This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 4 days, 1 hour ago.
May 3, 2021 at 5:57 pm #866341
So my ex and I were together for almost 10 years when we broke up just over a year ago. We were having some problems, he felt like I was pushing him away and he left. We’ve split up a couple of times before but we’ve always got back together. He lives in the same town as me and whilst we’ve kept in contact off and on the past year it was always brief. A couple of months ago I realised I still had some of his things so took them round, we had a chat and he said he wanted to be friends and start talking again, I was delighted but then found out he had just started seeing someone. We’ve been texting quite a bit over the past few weeks, only friendly things, nothing sexual or flirty and it’s been fun but I decided I couldn’t deal with us being just friends or him being with someone else so I told him that I would take a step back and leave him to get on with his new life, I poured my heart out in a video message about a week ago but he hasn’t responded. During our texts he has hinted that there is something still there between us and I definitely feel like there is. We had an amazing fun, loving, passionate relationship except towards the end when we fought quite a bit. I’m finding it hard not talking to him and I miss him again, I think I may have lost him for good this time, I wonder if he wants to see what this new relationship will bring him. I’ve been trying to date other people while we’ve been split but only want him. Any advice?May 4, 2021 at 2:54 am #866478
MOVE ONMay 4, 2021 at 9:14 am #866716
Hi Julie a breakup is very hard and unfortunately both of you need to want to work it out for it to work. The best advice I can give you is to leave him alone and go no contact. The fact he is still communicating with you could be out of guilt or because he is still use to having you in his life or he still has mixed emotions (this is something we won’t know). The fact he is with someone is indication that he is trying to move on. Doesn’t mean it will last but also means he is trying to give it a shot. I would suggest you refrain from dating if you feel you are not ready. Read some good books that do advise to take some time to yourself before you date other people. I know that is probably not what you want to hear but you don’t want to “beg” him to take you back because it has to come from him. If it is meant to be it will be….taking time to yourself and not worrying about being in a relationship other than with yourself is great meditation and self love. It will provide clarity on who you are, what you need to be happy and how you should be treated. If he continues to contact you I would say “I know you are in a relationship right now and I don’t want to interfere nor do I want to remain friends, please focus on yourself and so will I, maybe we can communicate sometime in the future but for now let’s agree that no contact is the best for both of us”. Remember making him feel you are moving on and have accepted his decisions and are focusing on you….he will respect that more than a woman who tries to chase him back into a relationship he does not want.May 4, 2021 at 10:40 am #866796
My favorite quote from Greg Behrendt for exes who ‘miss you’ but make no moves to be with you
“Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you”
Saved me from making a mistake and holding on to a relationship which had run its course because of sentiments which over time, fade.May 4, 2021 at 11:40 am #866839
They say for every five years, it takes a year to fully recover, and its the truth! It takes quite awhile to untangle all your feelings, and emotions, after being with someone for a very long time.
The fact you’ve gone a year, and still feeling the way you do is perfectly normal. Grief, takes time to process, and work through, but you need to come to terms, and accept, that your relationship had reached its end point. Trust me, I know how hard it is, I had another decade on you but you need to come to the realization that hanging onto a bad relationship doesn’t make you happy, but finding and rediscovering yourself will!
This is a really good time to focus on you! Singlehood can be a blast, where you can do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want, and rediscover you! Relationships are not easy, and its very common to lose yourself in them. Going backwards is not going to help you; in fact, it will add another year of grief, hurt, sorrow, and pain. Stop holding on so tight, and let it go. Pretend there’s a bird in your hand. Go to a window, extend your arms, open your hand, and let the bird free! The bird is YOU, and its time to take a new flight to become a happier, and better, version of your self!