I want him back but think I've messed up!

Hi Julie a breakup is very hard and unfortunately both of you need to want to work it out for it to work. The best advice I can give you is to leave him alone and go no contact. The fact he is still communicating with you could be out of guilt or because he is still use to having you in his life or he still has mixed emotions (this is something we won’t know). The fact he is with someone is indication that he is trying to move on. Doesn’t mean it will last but also means he is trying to give it a shot. I would suggest you refrain from dating if you feel you are not ready. Read some good books that do advise to take some time to yourself before you date other people. I know that is probably not what you want to hear but you don’t want to “beg” him to take you back because it has to come from him. If it is meant to be it will be….taking time to yourself and not worrying about being in a relationship other than with yourself is great meditation and self love. It will provide clarity on who you are, what you need to be happy and how you should be treated. If he continues to contact you I would say “I know you are in a relationship right now and I don’t want to interfere nor do I want to remain friends, please focus on yourself and so will I, maybe we can communicate sometime in the future but for now let’s agree that no contact is the best for both of us”. Remember making him feel you are moving on and have accepted his decisions and are focusing on you….he will respect that more than a woman who tries to chase him back into a relationship he does not want.

They say for every five years, it takes a year to fully recover, and its the truth! It takes quite awhile to untangle all your feelings, and emotions, after being with someone for a very long time.

The fact you’ve gone a year, and still feeling the way you do is perfectly normal. Grief, takes time to process, and work through, but you need to come to terms, and accept, that your relationship had reached its end point. Trust me, I know how hard it is, I had another decade on you but you need to come to the realization that hanging onto a bad relationship doesn’t make you happy, but finding and rediscovering yourself will!

This is a really good time to focus on you! Singlehood can be a blast, where you can do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want, and rediscover you! Relationships are not easy, and its very common to lose yourself in them. Going backwards is not going to help you; in fact, it will add another year of grief, hurt, sorrow, and pain. Stop holding on so tight, and let it go. Pretend there’s a bird in your hand. Go to a window, extend your arms, open your hand, and let the bird free! The bird is YOU, and its time to take a new flight to become a happier, and better, version of your self!