Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I think I’m crazy – this guy won’t leave my thoughts
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
AngieBaby.
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Hana
So here it is…
I matched with this guy on tinder in 2019. We ended up going out for one date. It ended up being my first time and then days after I freaked that he wasn’t texting me back as much as before – so I ghosted him. I regretted it.
Didn’t think much of it until I got together with another guy who ended up knowing the first guy. Then he was all I could think about. I sound crazy and obsessed. But then broke up with guy number two and hit the tinder game again. However we (1st guy) ended up matching again and I said stuff I didn’t mean. Basically I believe things come in three’s and I don’t know. I just pushed it away for ages but now I’m trying to confront it – but I can’t help thinking he’s the one who got away.I have his instagram and I can’t help but to think should I send a cheeky message. Nothing crazy just to stop the “what if’s”. Get closure for me. Oh and it’s been two years since said date – so I really, really don’t want it to come across as creepy. Maybe I need to stop living in my head.
Please help!
Raven
What? No!
Step away from Tinder & this guy.He’s not the one who got away… What does that even mean?
AngieBaby
When you say it was your first time, do you mean it was your first time having sex?
You get closure from yourself, not someone else. And I don’t think contacting him is going to do you any good, because you’ve ghosted him the first time and then said a bunch of things you didn’t mean the second time. Why will it be different this time? Forgive me for saying this, but right now you sound just as insecure and off balance as you were then. I don’t mean that as an insult.
It’s now two years down the road. Anything you say is going to come off weird, especially if it’s “cheeky” out of the blue. By “cheeky” do you mean sexually suggestive? VERY bad idea to do that. You will absolutely come off as creepy.
And what are you hoping will happen here if you contact him? That he’ll want to see you and you can start dating and it will work out this time???? Not likely. I think if you contact him you will either get no response or you will get all weird on him again and you’ll get used for sex and really get hurt.
He isn’t the one who got away. You pushed him away, quite firmly, twice. Forgive yourself for that. You didn’t know how to do anything else then. What can you look back and learn from the situation? Take that and move forward.
I think you need to talk with a therapist and explore the feelings you’re having and put this incident/guy into a healthier perspective. I don’t think you’re “crazy” at all, I think something happened you are struggling to deal with and don’t have all the tools to do so by yourself. Hugs.
Hana
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it.
Just wanted to clear up that the “cheeky” text wasn’t intended to be sexual – just a ‘hey how r u’ thing. However your points are the hard truth but completely valid.
I need to just figure it out and just escape my own toxic behaviour.
Thanks again. X
AngieBaby
You’re welcome. I hope you can get to the bottom of why this guy is still under your skin after two years. That can’t feel very good.
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