Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I slept with another girl's boyfriend, help?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Maddie.
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annalisa
I feel awful and there’s really no excuse for my behavior at all. I don’t know who the girl is since our uni is so large, so she’s basically just a face on instagram but both of them are older than me. Basically, I met her boyfriend at the start of the school year because he was one of the student advisors in my group. I have a very playful personality and I like making new friends, so naturally, I started to tease him because I noticed he was this straight edge, grade A student kind of guy so I enjoyed picking at him every now and then. I know alot of you might come for me for this, but my friends and I tend to binge drink and party every weekend. I guess he noticed this because as we started to grow closer as friends, every time he heard something was happening to me, he’d always show up to pick me and sometimes my friends up. I backed off because I was starting to get the feeling that he might be into me. This was working pretty well up until last weekend when a bunch of us were at the same party and I ended up breaking my heel. I don’t want to get into details of the mess I was in, but after throwing up and breaking my shoe, he carried me in his arms for 40 minutes back to my dorm. We ended up in my room, one thing led to another, and we both ended up giving in.
I feel awful because now he’s insistent on breaking up with his girlfriend for me. The morning after we got into a huge fight over it because he said he thought that the fact we slept together meant I felt as much as he did for me. He kept saying how he was falling for me this whole time and that he finally admitted it to himself when he was carrying me the night before. As of right now, he and I aren’t speaking because I said hurtful things as well. Truth of the matter is, I think I do like him. I know many of you will tell me he’s a bad guy who will do the same, and while we’re both horrible for cheating, I don’t think he’s a bad kid. On game day, I saw him taking care of his 4 little brothers and the way he loves his family just gives me the feeling he really isn’t a bad guy. But talking to him right now is senseless because he started crying and went completely off topic and started talking about he loves my red hair and other things I can’t remember. I just feel sick thinking about this and how I got between a couple who’s been together for 4 years, childhood sweethearts and all. I don’t think he should throw that away, or if he does, it shouldn’t be for me. Thoughts on what I should do from here would be greatly appreciated.
Zoe
If you feel that bad then find her and tell her. If you were that girl you would want to know that your bf is a cheater right? Do the right thing now at least
tammy
i think you should let him tell her. not you. she doesn’t even know you. but if he could cheat with you despite having a girlfriend, he may cheat on you as well with another. and if your so remorseful and want to do the right thing, cut off with him and don’t look back. let him mend his relationship with his gf or not. upto him. walk away. all the best.
Liz Lemon
“I don’t think he’s a bad kid. On game day, I saw him taking care of his 4 little brothers and the way he loves his family just gives me the feeling he really isn’t a bad guy.”
The fact that he treats his family well does not negate the fact that he is a cheater and slept with you behind his girlfriend’s back. People are complicated, they can be good people in many ways and still do bad things. The fact that he’s good to his family doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on you, if you got together with him.
You mentioned you’re university students. If he’s been with his girlfriend for 4 years, that means they got together in high school. So you’re all very young. He may have just outgrown his relationship. Maybe he just needs to break up with his girlfriend, whether or not you’re in the picture. “Childhood sweethearts” are not everything they’re cracked up to be, people grow and change, in fact that’s healthy. The vast majority of people do not stay with their high school boyfriend/girlfriend forever (and honestly I think that’s a good thing, you’re basically still children when you’re in high school! You need to experience different relationships in your life). So it may be that he slept with you because he has outgrown his current relationship.
My advice to you is to walk away and not get involved in any of this. Even if he does end it with his girlfriend, he will need some time to be single and heal from that relationship. It’s never good to jump from one relationship to another. If he decides to stay with her, I’m willing to bet he cheats on her again. At any rate, I suggest not getting involved.
Maddie
While you don’t know what their relationship is like, what you do know is this guy handled whatever is going on between him and his girlfriend very, very badly. Which does not make him relationship material right now. It kind of sounds to me based on your post that he feels the need to take care of people (you and your friends when you need help, all those younger brothers). His gf may not need a white knight and he may not know what value he brings outside of that. That’s conjecture on my part, but you don’t want to get involved with a guy who is messy like this. Even if he’s not a serial cheater and just made a mistake because he’s young and has never broken up with someone before, he’s still stumbling around trying to figure out who he is and what he wants and isn’t there yet. He’s neither showing good judgement nor focusing on himself to get it together (it can seem easier to white knight for other people than face your own problems). You don’t need a guy to work those issues out on you. I agree with the other posters that you should end it with him. I also think you should tell him that he should be honest with his gf that he cheated with someone, as it means something is very wrong in their current relationship and she deserves better. Then they can work it out, or not, from there.
And in the future, back off if guys who are taken seem into you! Anyone who is frequently coming to get you in the middle of the night is disrespecting his gf, even if you are just friends. That’s not to be judgy, I know you’re young and made a mistake and feel awful about it already. It’s just a way to think about boundaries so you can avoid finding yourself in another potentially and similarly devastating situation. And also so that you’d notice questionable behavior if you had your own boyfriend and he was getting involved elsewhere.
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