I said I Love You… he didn't say it back. Now what?

I’d give him a couple of months. When you get to the year point, reevaluate then. You put your cards on the table. Give him time and space to process what you said and see how he feels about it.

You said he was a slow mover so don’t feel hurt. My husband told me he loved me way before I could say the same back but I got there! Some people’s feeling develop more slowly than others.

It’s already been a while, so definitely don’t leave it 5 years again! By I’d give it another couple of months. That will take you to the year mark and he should know how he feels by then.

You are the same person with the guy and the card right? There is something weird going on here. How old are both of you? I would give it three more months tops – and then tell him that “If you can’t tell me you love me, we aren’t right for each other”. I have been with various guys and I need verbal intimacy. Some women don’t – but personally I could never live without a guy telling me he loves me. You sound like you can’t either, but it is your choice. I would give it three more months.

Please relax. Don’t push him. Why isn’t it enough to have him in your life? Do u know how lucky you are to have a man who shows you in so many ways that he cares about you? Be grateful that you have him in your life. Try not to push him to say those 3 little words. This is about your insecurity. Relax and enjoy every moment with him. Love him and soon he’ll be saying it to you.

I get that you’re upset. You poured out your feelings and didn’t get anything in return.

But, I think maybe you could have thought about your actions before doing it a little more.

You told him you said it without expections. But that’s not true. Otherwise you wouldn’t have been disappointed in the outcome. Which is understandable. Next time, really really think about whether you tell him sth without expections or not. Think about what would happen if he didn’t reciprocate. And then choose whether you want to proceed or not.

I don’t really know how long you should wait for sth likt this tbh, it’s different for all people.

Maybe you could take a ‘love language’ test, to see what you see as showing love. Probably your love languages don’t coincidencia, and he feels/shows love differently than you do.

You might learn to appreciate his ways of showing love, or you might realise it is in fact a dealbreaker and you are ultimately not a match. Time Will tell.

Just try to not put expectations on your own showings of love. For your OWN peace of mind…

I appreciate all the responses. Wow, very cool to get so many. Thank you!
Some points were made which definitely made me think

I hear what some of you are saying, that he is a great man and I should just be happy with that. You seem to be implying that I am somehow shallow for wanting those three words. I do not feel that is fair, as I am happy and I have expressed that. i am not suddenly walking away from him, rather wondering what do I do now while I wait for him to sort out his feelings? Do I keep saying “I love you”? Do I not say it again until he does? Do I bring it up at all or just wait?
Someday I would have to leave him if he could not come to the “I love you” point but I know we are not there yet. I am simply a forward thinker so I tend to think of the future while also thinking of the present.

I am 34 years old and he is 37. No I am not “the girl with the card” to respond to a poster.

I really did say it with no expectation of him in the moment. But saying “I love you” is a proposal of sorts… a proposal of love. eventually your lover needs to reciprocate or your relationship hits a standstill. At some point, I need him to say it back. And I am happy now but again I come here for advice How do I act now?? Do I ignore the subject?

Also we know our love languages. Mine is Words of Affection followed by Acts of Service. His is Physical Touch followed by Words of Service. We are both very kind to each other for those. we have talked before that I need Words and that he struggles with it, but he tries very hard and I try to be patient. We have agreed, and what works, is when I am feeling my “tank” is empty and I need words, I will ask him questions and guide him to the words I need to hear.

I honestly don’t understand why you were “bursting” to tell him you love him. Why is it so hard to hold it inside?

I agree wtih Algo that you were, in fact. manipulating him into reciprocating to you on YOUR terms and when YOU wanted it. And it backfired.

You can’t force, manipulate, provoke or ask for words of love. They have to come to you naturally. Whether you need them or not, can live without them or not, this is not up to you. It is his life and his feelings. You set yourself up for a disappointment. And for him too, he now feels pressured, I bet.

You said you do not expect anything back but you did and you do, big way. Love confession is not a proposal. You used it as such and it did not work out.

He has been a very good BF to you. What was the need to spoil things? Forcing them forward, knowing full weel the kind of guy he is. If a man is reserved with his feelings and words why would you force him?

I am sorry but I don’t understand you. If I had to corner a man into telling me he loves me I would not feel good about hearing those words. Dragging them out of his mouth? I am ready to hear those words? of course you are, he knows that. Give him time and space to feel those words on his terms.

Wow, you guys are cruel. Perhaps I am not articulating myself clearly or I am misrepresenting what I am saying

I need to “grow up” because I am asking if I should wait for him to bring it up again or if I should bring it up again myself at some point down the road????

I am “manipulating him” because I am wondering where do I go from here, and expressing that I am feeling sad???

I am “training him” because he and I have both expressed what we need and he SUGGESTED that I try to help him learn how to talk in a way that fulfills my Love Language that so many of you keep bringing up????

I come here as a safe place to express my fears and concerns, and I am met with judgement. It’s cruel. All I am asking is: Hey I want to be understanding of him. I don’t want him to feel forced or pressured. But it did sting to express love and not hear it back. How do I cope with this feeling in the mean time? And what do I do while I wait for him to sort out his feelings? And in your opinion, at what point do I bring I think up again, if ever?

Way to kick a girl when she is down, guys. Not sure how you think you benefitted me by insulting me. Me and my man have a fantastic relationship, the best we have both ever had. He says it all the time. How dare you judge. Great forum you have here.

I agree, these comments are totally unnecessary and not helpful at all.

I gave you some advice and I do believe you need to re-visit this. Pandora’s out of the box, can’t put her back in, so just go with it. IF you don’t want to do the way I suggested, find a good moment (pillow talk or cuddling) and calmly ask him “do you love me?” and if his reaction is negative then I would seriously consider if this is really “the one” for you.

If he cannot meet your basic language of love, then eventually resentment will start settling and you will be unhappy down the road. This is the TIME when you suss all this out—not when you’ve wasted a lot of time (another 6 months) and your no closer to where you are now.

My last ambition is to be cruel on a forum to women i dont know so im sorry if i offended you. I was however trying to make the point that youre trying too hard to fit a peg in a hole (cant remember the exact phrase). So you responded by telling that you feel insulted and you have a great relationship. But that was in fact what most women were telling you anyway: leave the words alone for now and enjoy the relationship

I have the opposite stop, I met my guy 3 years ago when i was engaged to someone else and working a season aboard. I fell for him hard and him me and we said i love you only 2 weeks together. I went home and we stayed in touch everyday until i went out again. So the 2nd time i went out it was the same whirlwind romance and i called things off with my engagement.
We unfortunately cooled things last year because our lives are different and i didn’t go back out there, but he still said he loved me and me him.
This year I’m back and we’re serious, so serious I’m going to move here. He talked about us buying a car and living together. it’s 4 months in as a ‘real’ couple and I said I love you. He said he needs more time. I’m not upset for the no i love you back but that he fell out of love. i stayed in that place since the first time i said it to him and its whats kept me coming back here. I can’t move my life here, buy a car with him, and move in with him after this season finishes if he doesn’t love me thats crazy. So i’m on a timeline, i have 3 months left here (obviously i haven’t said this to him) and i’m confused as what to do, as there big plains for someone to suggest if he doesn’t love me, but to not know for sure and still do them i feel is insane. It’s a lot of pressure for me, as do i do it with the unknown or end things. I really thought we were meant to be, as whats gone on between us is like a film, its not normal. Like 3 years of long distance but the passion just like when we first met – hot. but if he’s not there yet, what has these 3 years been if not for the love? And why am I moving here if not for love?

Hi Kie-You ask a question here-you are going to get different opinions to what you might hope for and people that have varying ideas. Also,most people really want to help and like to be “to the point”. Some can be deliberately mean-I don’t agree with them doing that.
I also had the thought that you should not have said it first-if you were not prepared to get a negative or no answer. This why it is best to let a guy lead in this. However,you already did this-so now what? I personally would not wait anymore,as I feel this will poison things,you secretly being upset etc. It could suddenly come out as a big fight/issue and cause trouble. I would say” Everyday your actions show how much you care and I appreciate that so much. Awhile ago,I told you that I love you. If you love me too,I need/would like a verbal expression of that from you. ” Then see what happens-it come lead to a discussion if nothing else. Just my take..

This is directed at Lane, because I value your opinion. Do you think the woman should ever say I love you first? Or always wait for him? Was her mistake telling him not to say it back, or because she blurted it out? I know sometimes us women just want to be open and honest with a man, is that something we should keep in check? What if a man never says it, but shows her in his actions?