Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to relax during sex
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
mell.
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Kate
Alright, so I hate to admit this but I’m a 27 year old virgin. When I was younger I planned on waiting until I was married to have sex, early 20s I got into a relationship with this man who understood that, long story short after a couple years of being together (long distance) he told me he was married. It kinda wrecked me and my beliefs in wanting to wait until I’m married but of course I’ve found now Most men aren’t interested in taking a 25 26 27 year olds virginity…… I’ve been going out with this guy for a little bit now but he doesn’t know I’m a virgin. I so desperately want to have sex with him and we tried the other night but he had a hard time… said I was super tight. It made me self conscious and panic. I’ve had fingers go inside me so it’s not like penetration is the problem but I just know I was probably nervous and all tense. I’ve done kegals before and pelvic floor exercises but was are some good tricks to help yourself relax!? I know I’m super tight down there anyways because other guys have mentioned it before. Obviously something is blocking me, even my own subconscious haha
Nathalie
First of all, if you’re going to give up your virginity, do make that person aware of that so he can do things with care accordingly.
Also extra lubrication may be required here as it may hurt unnecessarily without it.
To relax, you need to be comfortable with your surroundings and with your person. Insert should be slow and a little blood is expected. And also use protection.
T from NY
I swear this has to be another fake post
Kate
T from NY….. why would this be fake? If it’s because no ones a virgin at 27 ha well it’s true. Raised in a Christian family where that’s the normal.
mell
It’s OK this is not uncommon. I lost my virginity later than average. There’s a tendency for society to make this out to be a big thing: it really isn’t.
It sounds like you’re really nervous, and that’s probably making things a lot harder. You have to tell him – but mainly so he can be extra gentle and put you at ease. A man who respects you won’t care how old of a virgin you are – he’s lucky he gets to spend intimate time with you, after all.
Start off with putting penetrative sex off the table. Focus on pleasuring each other first, getting used to each other’s bodies. Learning how to get each other very, very turned on, and how to get each other off. This might need to go on for weeks – no matter how much we want sex, it can still feel weird at first, because it’s a new experience. So focus on just getting comfy with being naked together and having fun.
I’s all about making sure the partner with a vagina is very, very turned on for a decent length of time – that’s when we loosen up and get wet, to be able to accommodate our partner. and lube. Lots of lube – things like hormonal contraception or stress can dry you out down below – even if you are turned on. Condoms also can be more drying than skin.
Only once you’re very turned on should he progress to using fingers – gently. There are lots of sites which can advise on techniques, but if he’s got some experience he really should already know how to turn a girl on. Not everyone likes fingers or even oral stimulation – you may need time for him to work out what you like, and what gets you sufficiently happy for things to progress. I’d really recommend focusing on exploring each other and having fun for a while until yuo feel ready to take it to penetration. And then, pick a position where you don’t have to do most of the work and where he can guide you through the motions.
Most of the time, it’s because things have rushed ahead and the person with the vagina isn’t sufficiently turned on. We need sustained ‘excitement’ to lub. Guys can get it up and ready to go after a couple of kisses or touching a breast – so they can forget foreplay is essential. It’s by far the most important part of sex -without it it can’t be as fun for you.
If you’re properly turned on, and you’re still ‘tight’ then maybe you need to look for whether there’s a medical cause, like your hymen being a bit more pronounced, or having vaginismus. But in the vast majority of women, once you’re properly turned on it really shouldn’t be an issue. And there’s treatment for conditions, once they are diagnosed.
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