How to deal with breadcrumbing?


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This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sophia 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #777683 Reply

    diane

    I’m almost sure what the answer will be but im gonna ask anyway. I’ve been on three dates with a guy, we had very good connection, met his friends and had sex on the third date. That was 3 weeks ago… he texts . sporadically and takes days to reply… should I just . ghost him? I like him, and I think he likes me as well. I obviously know he’s seeing other girls now, since we met on bumble. I dont know if I should just not reply the netime he texts or . actually tell him smth like ” hey! honestly, this sporadic texting and not seeing each . other is not my style, sorry”

    #777686 Reply

    Peggy

    Hi Diane-he is showing low to zero interest. I would stop texting him or responding to him. If he did “pick up the pace” it would likely be because the others did not work out or he knows /thinks he can get more casual sex. I would forget him and stop all contact. He is not acting “like he likes you”.

    #777687 Reply

    Mandy

    Every time you give sex, the risk is it ll backfire, in this case, he didn’t have enough time to connect with you on a deeper level before it got physical. He likes you just there is something ´missing’ , he doesn’t see you as the one, the special, the girlfriend he wants to be with, which is ok, what’s done is done. My advice, date and take your time, spend time with them as friends with a little innocent flirting but not more, put brakes, don’t have sex so early. This way you get a chance to know who is really here to stay.

    #777689 Reply

    Mandy

    ps: you only like him because he acts the way he does..if he was clingy, you would be much more relaxed

    #777690 Reply

    Dara

    He got what he wanted from you – sex. Once he has proceeded through his other rotation of women, he may circle back to you.

    Dont wait around. If sex is all you want with men, dont get all fixated on one guy hoping it will turn into only wanting you.

    His interest in you is limited to hooking up.

    #777692 Reply

    Amber

    He’s showing low interest. Yes he probably is dating other women, but he’s not doing anything wrong, since he hasn’t made any commitment to you. You should be doing the same and date others. Sex doesn’t guarentee commitment.

    I wouldn’t necessarily ignore him when he makes contact again, but if his style of dating and communication doesn’t suit you, wish him well and find a guy who shows more interest.

    Believe you me, an interested man does not let a day pass without contacting a girl and letting her know he’s around. You’ll see when you meet him :)

    #777693 Reply

    Amy

    Take this as a learning lesson and move on. Most (if not all) guys on dating apps like tinder and bumble are looking for a casual hookup. Even if they pretend they aren’t. It’s been 3 weeks with not seeing him. Thats a long time. He’s probably hooking up and talking to multiple women. Forget him. Don’t even respond to him if he contacts you with some lame lazy text. Unless you want to have a fwb situationship. Which I’m gathering you do not based on your level of interest. You can do better for yourself!

    #777699 Reply

    Newbie

    If he wants to go out with you, he’ll ask.

    It’s been three weeks, and he has not. He is sending non-committal text messages instead. Make plans for yourself and be open to new possibilities.

    #779789 Reply

    anonymous

    Diane any update on your situation?

    #779794 Reply

    anonymous

    currently in a very similar situation! It’s so hard to not give in to his bread crumbing. I want it to work out but think by me ignoring him he’s going to just give up and assume I’m not into him when it’s furthest from the truth. I want him to step up,
    I made the mistake and had sex early on also and shortly after is when I noticed the distancing but he’ll still reach out with his bread crumbing texts (e.g. what’s up, hey, etc)

    I did not reply to his last bread crumb 2 days ago. Am I wrong?

    #779797 Reply

    Tallspicy

    If these men are actually contacting you with “hey” or “what’s up” than it is totally ok to never respond. If they are actually engaging, but infrequently, then infrequent right back. Mirror him. 5 days to contact, 5 days to respond (in this case).

    Hey
    Hey

    Whats up?
    Not much.

    #779800 Reply

    anonymous

    Tall Spicy – thank you! Are you saying I should text back in 3 more days with “not much”? Or not text back at all?

    #779803 Reply

    anon

    Honestly:
    “” hey! honestly, this sporadic texting and not seeing each . other is not my style, sorry””

    This is perfect. It’s you speaking your truth. Put the kibbosh on this guy and end the idiotic gaming by being an adult.

    #779804 Reply

    anon

    I mean, playing a stupid game of “wait to respond” is a time waste and this guy will be texting you 15 years from now “what’s up”. And ghosting is rude even though he is a dolt, the more it happens the more going *poof* and games get normalized.

    Maybe if we all stepped up and acted like adults with honesty, dating would not be a joyless time suck.

    #779806 Reply

    anonymous

    It seems the ball is in my court now. Should I wait to hear from him again (if ever) or respond back to him?

    #779808 Reply

    Remy

    The Ball is in his court but Sadly for him you are not playing the same game anymore. Don’t reply him now if it has been three days.
    IF I text you again and you can feel that you are annoyed by it you can might send that message you typed.
    However just think. Do you really want to let him know that you kind of was hoping to see him again when he acts like such an ass.

    #779812 Reply

    anon

    “Do you really want to let him know that you kind of was hoping to see him again when he acts like such an ass.”

    I think dudes deserve to be called out a little- her message is not an ego boost, it’s more of a “grow up and act like a man” message vs “hey, I was hoping we could go out again”. It closes the door on his foolish self.

    I’ve actually done that before “Hey, you seem low interest and this is a waste of time, just stop contacting me”.

    #779813 Reply

    anonymous

    Hi anon I have actually already said that to him once, not in that context but something to the sort of I am not going to be the only one putting effort, he said that wasn’t the case. So me bringing it up again would come off a little desperate?

    I would hope he would assume that my no response to him is me being annoyed by his lack of effort and not that I was not interested but it seems to be the latter

    #779815 Reply

    Vera

    He won’t ever step up in a meaningful way.
    Ignore his texts.
    Block his number if you have to.

    #779822 Reply

    anonymous

    anon how did that turn out for you when you told him that? Did he step up or not contact you again?

    #779823 Reply

    Vera

    I wanted to add- the issue here is you’re playing a game of trying to hook him in . But why? It’s not like he’s even proven yourself to you.
    Stop answering him because he sucks .
    And don’t look back , don’t think it’ll change him, don’t think it’ll make him step up. The sooner you lose this guy the sooner you’ll be emotionally available for the right guy

    #779824 Reply

    Vera

    Proven ** himself ** to you

    #779830 Reply

    Sensy

    When a guy wants you, he will not be playing games like this and you will not be wondering if you should text or how you should act? Dust yourself off and get ready for the next because the next one just may be the one you will be settling down with. It is definitely not this dude so please stop giving him your attention. Block him if you have to because that way you’ll feel you moved on.

    #779837 Reply

    Diane

    Quick update, he did text again during thanksgiving as he usually does asking about how I was and blah blah. I didn’t reply and don’t plan to.

    #779843 Reply

    anon

    “anon how did that turn out for you when you told him that? Did he step up or not contact you again?”

    He apologized. I never responded again.

    Some dudes are timewasters and if you leave the door open, they will indefinitely waste your time (hence breadcrumbing). Timewasters don’t deserve your time or mental energy so slam the door shut or they will drain you. If we as women all started slamming the door on timewaster behavior instead of gaming them along or desperately trying to make them step up, they would quit it.

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