This topic contains 27 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ellie 7 months, 4 weeks ago.
March 1, 2016 at 10:18 am #511158
hi all. yes its a general question but do men take longer time to realise that you might be gone for good this time if they were always sure they had you?March 1, 2016 at 11:00 am #511179
From the information you’ve given it sounds like someone has taken you for granted.
I would say that any man who really cares about you would notice your absence sooner rather than later.March 1, 2016 at 11:09 am #511181
You should assume never. But you never know.March 1, 2016 at 11:27 am #511186
sometimes they legit miss you and come back; other times the other woman they were neglecting you for in the first places dumps them and they come back. It might be a month, two months, or less… but really I’m so over giving people chances who don’t deserve them. So you might be in this place today wondering how long before he returns, but meanwhile, at least think on what you’ve been missing while he’s been making you feel like 2nd place. And don’t sit around alone, please, mingle as much as you can with other men :)March 1, 2016 at 11:35 am #511189
thanks all….. guess its never easy to realize that someone was not who you thought they were even after several years and you realize how little you meant…March 1, 2016 at 12:25 pm #511209
There’s no answer to this question. Don’t think about guys from your past. Focus on a hopeful future and move forward with your life.March 1, 2016 at 12:38 pm #511219
I think it depends how many times before you’ve split up with him and taken him back. After a while, he’ll most likely not take you seriously, think you’re crying wolf and that you’ll be back.March 1, 2016 at 12:47 pm #511223
More than 10 years together and a lot LDR. he never took me seriously.EVER about anything and he has said behind my back (he doesnt know i know) that he knows he can have me whenever he wants to. so going NC for almost 1 month is very unusual for someone like me who was always the one trying to fix stuff and forgive everything etc.i am such sad person its pathetic…March 1, 2016 at 12:55 pm #511228
Leah, that’s so hurtful! I’m sorry.
I was with a guy and I knew it was time to end it (although I stupidly didn’t!) when we’d had a huge argument, I was really upset but we made up eventually. He said “I knew I’d talk you round”. He didn’t take me seriously. I cared for him so much more than he cared for me. He changed the goals of our relationship from being a committed couple to casual, he only contacted me when he could be bothered and, although we had an amazing time when we were together, I didn’t feel loved. I accepted the lot. Yes I’d argue and tell him what I wanted, but what I wanted never happened. He’d only make an effort when it looked like I might be walking.
It’s not pathetic, I think most of us have done it to some extent. Pick yourself up now and move on. If he doesn’t have respect for you or take you seriously, he’ll never make you happy. Find someone who will and your next 10 years will be a lot better.March 1, 2016 at 12:59 pm #511231
What you meant and what you mean are not always the same. One does not erase the other nor is one a test of the other!March 1, 2016 at 1:09 pm #511233
From my experience misses 3 weeks & if it was something serious that happened where they think you may hate them it can take 7 months for them to reach outMarch 1, 2016 at 3:03 pm #511281
@Hananh: when you base your life decisions on someone else, and truly trust them and things like these happens it makes you doubt everyone more importantly yourself. If i had not done everything for him I would have been ok i think but i did everything i could for him, to make sure he reached his goals and in the process i forgot about myself and i did too much without expecting much in return something is was well aware of.
@Tallspicy: SO true! I knew the meaning of what i said but did i mean it? no.and he knew that. he know my every move. he knows to what extend i love him so he has always had the upper hand.
@Ashley: No nothing serious, we have had fights but this time i just stopped calling when he said you haven’t changed. I stopped because i asked to meet up as it had been a long time (we now live in the same area), and he said NO and stop nag about it. so i stopped. mind you he called 9 days afterwards saying you have letters that came for you and asked how i was and that he thought i would have called him about the letters. For the first time i ended the call by saying i am busy and will get in touch and i didnt. i sent him a text that there is no urgency with the letters, that he can either tell me when i can pick them up or if easier just leave them outside my place and just let me know. this is now 18 days ago and nothing since….we did have a lot of disagreements the past year or so when i moved to the same area due to my needs and just like getting to know each other from scratch but difficult to adjust to each other if that makes sense….March 1, 2016 at 3:20 pm #511287
Leah, what were your needs you mentioned in your reply to Ashley and when he said “you hadn’t changed”, what did he mean?
My aunt looked after her 4 children and worked while she put her husband through mature education (he didn’t work at all). He got his degree and left her. Never forget about yourself! Any man that wants or excepts you to isn’t worth it.March 1, 2016 at 3:20 pm #511288
expects!March 1, 2016 at 3:42 pm #511293
@Hannah: so prior to this, about 10 days before or so he said i call too much and nag about meeting up. so i stopped calling. he called after 2 days asking how i was and that i had letters. i thanked him and then i did not call again. he called after a week to take me to an appointment and said after this many years this is not how things should be (me withdrawing). so we went to the appointment ( i did say he doesn’t need to come and he insisted) and we talked a bit and i said what i had done was wrong (calling too much etc) and he admitted that he had done wrong too and we should be civil. for the first time he said well we will both end up dating etc and i said then why give up on us after so many years and struggle if we both never really did our best. he said we will talk about it later. so i called 1/day casual etc but on the 5th day thats when this last NC started because i asked him to meet up and he was like blank NO, you are still calling constantly, behave your age, you have no pride, your timing is always off. If this is friendship etc then i dont want it. And all i could think was i do have pride, more than you will ever know, i just never wanted to put you down like you do. so i just stopped calling.hence why last time he called he said i thought you would call me regarding your letters because i usually use any excuse to see him but not this time. and i am a person with no patience whatsoever so if we argued i really wanted to fix it then.March 1, 2016 at 4:27 pm #511308
It is best to assume he is never cing back. In fact to assume he is committed to someone else. You will not move on if you are waiting…March 1, 2016 at 4:37 pm #511313
I don’t like to think in terms of ‘keeping score’ but the contact and initiating has to be even or with him doing more of it; men don’t seem to get we just like to communicate. Sometimes they take it as a weakness, they get lazy and everything gets set off course.
You have to hang back and let a man lead. At some level, this is a test, and this test generally doesn’t always lead to a big smile, lol. If a guy is lazy, waits on you, doesn’t chase, to me there is no other way to take it – he’s just not interested enough. And if you settle for that, it never gets better or changes for the better.March 1, 2016 at 5:15 pm #511319
People will not value what they don’t have to work for. That’s just the truth. If you’re always there trying to fix things, or worse hoping he’ll have an epiphany and fix things then you will continue to get heartbroken by this cycle. He knows you’ll always be there so he doesn’t believe he’s lost you. How can someone miss something they know they still have? You need to cut off all communication and stop waiting/hoping he’ll have a change of heart. Right now you’re hoping he’ll reach out but even if he did – is he really the sort of guy you would want to settle for? You deserve someone who invests equally in you as you do in them. Let it go and make yourself happy on your own.March 1, 2016 at 5:27 pm #511320
After 10 years it is very hard to give up and let go, especially if you have no patience, as you say. But after what he said to you, for the sake of the person’s inside you, do NOT contact him, and if he contacts you, ignore him. Do not reply until he contacts you repeatedly, and reply with a delay.
This person has a harsh heart, he does not appreciate nice things that come to his way. After 10 years he could have accepted that you would reach out every now and then, it is not a terrible burden, he did not have to be so rude and heartless. But he wanted to tell you all that, and the choice of words he used, from your description, they signal DISRESPECT, they really do. He does not value you as a woman or as a person or as a friend, he has some pity for you, but that’s all.
You must leave him alone. I hope you would.March 1, 2016 at 7:40 pm #511354
@MAx: Thank you Max. you are right. and yes he has disrespected me more than once and like like Mila said, why value something that you can have for free? But i guess i thought he was better than this. than 10 years would mean something. that people are not just “things” that you discard but guess i was wrong. I am really trying not to reach out to him. and that if there is to be any contact it has to be from him but it is hard as i tend to forget when people are mean in general and i am really good at making excuses for them….sad but trueMarch 1, 2016 at 8:37 pm #511381
Sometimes they never, often times A LONG TIME…March 1, 2016 at 9:04 pm #511394
Leah I recognized some of the details of this post and realized you’ve posted about this man before under the thread “11 years and now NC? Too needy? please help”.
In re-reading that thread and the advice I gave you then, I URGE you to let this man go. This relationship has been dead for more years than it was alive.
Why are you holding on to hope that he will contact you again? And what can be gained from it?
Right now you want to blame him for how he’s treated you for years, but who stayed when he disregarded and disrespected you time and again? YOU DID. You don’t respect yourself and because of that he doesn’t respect you either.March 1, 2016 at 9:53 pm #511421
@Jules: Hi Jules. Actually i don’t blame him only….i get accused of taking to much blame and i am the first to admit my mistakes. not that i am proud of it but i will take my share. but yes i did stay because i loved him, he did not force me but you are right, by not respecting myself, he lost respect as wellMarch 1, 2016 at 10:41 pm #511463
From what you’ve said, I agree with Jules it’s time to move on. I actually think it may be better if he doesn’t contact you again as it will help you with that process.March 2, 2016 at 1:49 am #511516
I agree with Jessica. Just live your life and meet other guys forget about this guy. I’m in thesaurus boat and I’m slowly getting over it and meeting other guys…
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