How can I start a relationship?Really need advice


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #796541 Reply

    Claris43

    I am from an Asian country and have been in the US for about one year now. I met this guy in Feb and I have a feelin that we were both into each other. Then he ased me out a few times. We had dinner,watched movies and sometimes just took a walk. He’s been very polite and no body touch all the time.
    Last week,we had dinner together and he invited me to his house to have a look at his new books.We both like the same author and I have been to his house for several times. So I went there.
    After that, he asked me if I want to watch some movie.I agreed and then we began to watch movie. We sat on the coach and he was very close to me. Then he put his arms on my shoulder and then my waist. I felt a little uncomfortable. and then when he tried to kiss me I pushed him away and told him I was not comfortable about this. He apologized and then before I left he said if I want to hang out some time just let him know.

    It’s been a week now. We didn’t talk during this time. I want to start a talk but I really don’t know what to say. I’m afraid that I have messed up everything?

    I don’t know much about American dateing culture and he is the only American guy I date with. And to be honest I’m not sure if all the meetings counting dating as well.

    In my culture, if you want to start a relationship with someone you should ask ” are you willing to be my GF or BF?” If that person say yes and you can start holding hands ,kissing and doing something else. If you don’t ask and then the guy will be considered as playing and not serious.

    So what I’m uncomfortable about is not he touching me but he did not ask me. I don’t know if he is serious or just playing.

    Hope I have made myself clear.

    My questions are:

    Do you think he is serious with me? If I want start a serious relationship with him, what should I do now?

    Can you tell me something about the dating culture? for example, what count as a date and how do you usually start a relationship?

    I really need help. Thanks very much.

    #796545 Reply

    Kim

    I’m from Australia. I assume American dating culture is quite similar to us as it is also a Western country. It’s completely up to you if you feel as if there could be something with him maybe suggest to go out for lunch or a coffee? Maybe not to his place because it sends the wrong signals to early on in my opinion.

    If he’s tried to kiss you it certainly sounds like he’s interested in you on some level. If it’s serious or not only he knows. He might just be looking for something casual, which is fine but if you’re looking for something serious and he isn’t don’t even waste your time.

    #796551 Reply

    Alice

    Claris43,

    It’s very common in American culture for a guy to snuggle you and kiss while hanging out and watching a movie. I don’t think he was trying to upset you at all by doing those things.

    Starting a relationship with a guy in American culture is really out of your hands. You should be dating for a while and typically the conversation of exclusivity will come up organically. I suggest you let him start that one.

    All I can say is set boundaries for yourself of what you will and will not do with him. Lots of American guys will want to have sex with you, without being exclusive.

    #796560 Reply

    Sensy

    From how the home date went, I would assume you are very much on his mind. Do NOT reach out to him because you want to keep your power and allow him to chase you and show YOU his level of interest.

    My BF didn’t ask me whether I would be his gf per se, but he did ask me if I would be exclusive and he later used the gf term while on a double date.

    Don’t accept home dates anymore. You can once you both are official. Allow him to court you (take you on proper dates) and prove his worthiness (in other words, show you he will treat you with respect and kindness and be someone with whom you can open your heart and trust).

    #796694 Reply

    Claris43

    Thanks Kim, Alice and Sensy for your advices.They are very helpful. I did’nt think much before I agreed to go to his place but I just realized I might have given him a wrong signal. No more home date before we go official.He just asked me out for lunch this weekend so I think there is still chance between us.

    Thanks again and wish you all have a nice weekend.

    #796696 Reply

    Lane

    In America, the man has to pick you first, because he envisions you as a *potential* (key word) partner/mate/wife BEFORE the the lady decides if he would make a good potential mate/husband, if you are looking for a committed relationship. Being a GF & BF is just a trial run to determine long-term compatibility, whereas at some point, they either merge their lives together or it ends because one or both are unable to get to the goal line (alter/marriage) after spending a good amount of time together.

    Both genders have the power but a man has the initial power whereas he has to really want the woman to be his GF more so than the woman wants him as a BF. This dynamic is the best pathway to a relationship in American because the woman isn’t trying to force or influence a man into something he doesn’t want, as its a waste of time and energy better served on a man who does; but the woman has the ultimate power as she ultimately decides if he’s worthy enough for her. Having many men to chose from puts a woman in the best position because she can be selective in choosing the best partner for her v. latching onto any guy who gives her a lick of attention because that attention will wane/die if he was never envisioning her as anyone put a temporary play mate.

    You can’t make anyone like you a certain way—either they do or they don’t. Just know, that men love sex, and that’s all he may want from you so women, especially in America, need to be very leery and skeptical about a man’s true motives or intentions with her. Listening very carefully to what a man says, BELIEVE THE NEGATIVES, and seeing what he does (actions) over a good bit of time (couple months) will provide you with a clearer picture of his intentions. For instance if he say’s anything along the lines of “I’m not looking for anything serious” and he keeps planning dates that steers you to a bedroom, e.g., *home dates* then he’s telling you point blank “I WILL SLEEP WITH YOU BUT I WILL NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.” A woman who ignores those warnings, does so at her own peril, and will end up with nothing but a ride on the oxytocin train (hormonal sex rush), a broken heart, and no BF.

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