Honest opinions!

Hello I’m F25 and my ex is M23,

As many of you have guessed: I’m going through a breakup.

When the breakup occurred I wouldn’t say I was surprised. We had been fighting a lot due to an unresolved fight that escalated during quarantine and thus not being able to see one another face to face (damn you corona!!).
So what I’m wondering is if there’s a possible chance or I will face a horrible heartbreak when contacting him again at some point. I’m kind of afraid he would find someone else considering he’s quite successful career wise and had been successful with the ladies before we started dating as well (despite him not showing much interest).

The initial break up was my fault really. I had been the one who emotionally and very childishly told him I didn’t want him anymore and that he had to get my bags ready by tomorrow. Now usually he would be afraid of losing me, which he seemed to be at first. He told me he found it really sad I would break up for this. And eventually when he had given up on fixing things I regretted it.
He however, ended on choosing to go through with it. He said it was my punishment. That he never ever wanted to feel like I could throw him away like that again. I couldn’t argue and ended on apologizing. He left whilst crying and after the break up talk was over I got angry. I guess you all know the process of how that goes. So the next two times I opened the conversation with him in a uncivilized angry way. Me ignoring his requests to stop hurting him got me blocked on messenger (not facebook itself), whatsapp and his phone number.

I hadn’t contacted him for a good week and a half before getting my stuff. He wasn’t home so I had no awkward confrontation. However, we did text by snapchat (how else was he supposed to know I was getting my stuff). And the conversation seemed a lot better. We were both calm. And he stated how he hoped I was happy about getting my stuff back and that he cleaned my playstation, games and controllers before putting it in the bag.
We had a short recap of the break up how he felt really s***y about how he broke up with me. That he had miss understood my intentions and that it really bothered him I only told him afterwards that I had made a list with friends to fix things but we never got it because he broke up. He also said he was doubting about what I even felt for him still at this very moment. And I know you all will scold me for this because I did so myself afterwards but I replied that of course I still loved him and wasn’t really sure what to do with the whole situation. In the end he still stated that he felt like he wasn’t fit for a relationship until he was able to provide his partner with everything and that he really felt like he lacked the ability to be there for me emotionally. To which I agreed and we didn’t continue the conversation about our relationship afterwards.

I do want to give some extra information on who he is as a person and his possible dating history?
As a kid he was neglected as a kid and ended up getting raised by his grandmother (whom passed away) and her partner. Why is this important? Because I feel like this experience had a huge effect on who he is as a person. He’s the type who would put logical actions above emotional ones. Which is the part that makes me think he won’t come back.
However, I wasn’t just a regular person to him. The last time he had cried was when he was a kid. His parents had bought him a broken toy and his grandpa calling them up for it had his parents reply: well he’s just ungrateful and won’t get any birthday presents again. That was the last time he had cried, before I happened.
The first girl he got into a long term relationship with. So you could say I was / still am his first love. The first person that met his family and got all his friends to compliment on getting the impossible guy actually fall in love with her. Now this is probably the part that makes me hold hope.

I’m not sure if this is needed for the calculations of my odds but:
He used to have enormous pain with sex. He had an operation to fix it, hence why he had tried a relationship and one night stands before me. But it hadn’t worked. Now this issue has somehow actually been fixed with me. He had no issues whatsoever and was able to enjoy sex for the first time in my life.
But this actually makes me more afraid he would try again with someone else?

I’m really not sure. Is it possible for me to get him back?
He was really a sweet guy. Very awkward at giving me presents because he wasn’t used to it but it got so much better with the time! He loved showing me off which was an amazing confidence boost. And whenever we had a small fight with me giving him the fake pout silent treatment he just fixed it with hot chocolate and nice notes.
I really feel like I kind of f***d it up and lost someone who really was good to me.
It’s also going to be such a pain in the arse with all our mutual friends! They love us both and I know they won’t be able to keep us apart for future gatherings (which will thankfully be prolonged thanks to corona so I have the time to mentally prepare).

Sorry for the long text I just want some more accurate results than a quiz!