Help! What do I do next?


This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sensy 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #825503 Reply

    Jen

    Hi! I was dating a guy for about a month, that I met though a mutual friend. Things were going well- he texted me everyday multiple times a day, I reciprocated interest, there were really no red flags. Suddenly, he started the slow fade. He would send me Snapchat’s everyday but no texts. I asked if he wanted space, he said “a little space is nice.” I gave him space. After more fading I asked “when you want space, does that mean let alone completely or just a little less?” He said “just a little less.” We spoke a few time and I initiated hanging out after about two weeks and got a vague “yea maybe” type of response. I finally just asked him to let me know if he wasn’t into it because I’d rather be let down than left hanging. After 10
    hours he said he wasn’t looking to rush into a relationship and didn’t want to string me along, but he wasn’t feeling it right now. After two weeks of no contact at all, we readded each other on Snapchat and casually started sending snaps again. Then, he randomly asked me to go away with him, on a trip with all of his friends, last weekend. I’m not sure why, but I was available and I went. We had a great time. He treated me like his girlfriend and it was really a nice time. Before we left, I thanked him for bringing me. I said that I had a nice time and that I know he doesn’t want to rush into something and I was ok with that, but did he feel like he still wanted to go separate ways or does he want to keep talking and seeing each other to see where it goes. He said “yea, let’s see where this goes.” Last night he texted me to thank me for coming and I thanked him again for a nice weekend. My question is where do I go from here? I believe the interest is there but am terrified to come off needy or come on too strong. It feels fragile. Do I play aloof for a while? Do I instill no contact on my end? Do I go back to texted him pre slow fade? I want him to want me (obviously, who doesn’t) and I really would like to give this the best shot at working in my favor.

    #825512 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn’t a good prospect, I don’t think. He told you 2 weeks ago that he wasn’t feeling it. Then he invites you on a trip with his friends and says “let’s see where this goes”. I’m sorry that he keeps jerking you around with his inconsistent behavior. I can understand why you’re at a loss for what to do.

    My advice would be to do nothing at this point. Just be receptive. Don’t call him, text him, or ask him out. Sit back and let him reach out to you. If/when he does, then be warm and receptive. The only way you’ll know if this guy is really interested in you is to let him demonstrate it by reaching out to you. It’s not being aloof or cold, it’s letting him initiate and rewarding him with a warm response when he does.

    But honestly I think you know in your heart this will probably go nowhere. It feels “fragile” because he does not have a strong interest. You want him to want you (naturally), but I don’t think he does, not in a deep way. I think you could very easily get into a “situationship” with this guy where he expresses vague interest in you, but nothing concrete. So I would caution against that. Don’t initiate hanging out, don’t ask him where this is going. Let him show you his level of interest by letting him initiate. A guy that truly wants to date you will step up, he’ll call/text, he’ll initiate dates and take you out. He won’t leave you wondering.

    #825627 Reply

    Newbie

    Im really sorry but you are
    1 already chasing this guy
    2 acting very available after he made it clear he doesnt want anything serious
    3 but also acting kind of weird, i mean who asks a guy you barely know if he wants space? You really dont understand how this works. When he pulls back, you pull back more. If he loses interest, you lose interest too as you have better things to do than pursuiing something with a guy who cant be bothered. Now you are operating under the notion you need to do something to keep him interested. Total waist of time. Do nothing and read why men love b*tches instead. In being a bit harsh, i realize that. But you have showed our cards already to this guy when you asked if he wanted to move on. At that point you showed your insecurity and gave him all the power. So read that book, put your feet up and let him do all the work. That will show you if he is interested or not

    #826047 Reply

    Sensy

    You’re being of masculine energy. Swotch to being of feminine energy and be the receiver… not the pursuer.

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