Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Help, am I overreacting…
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
kaye.
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Anonymous
So my fiancé and I visited his parents out of state for the holidays. Long story short, quite a bit went on that made me uncomfortable while there. One thing in particular was finding out his younger brother has been engaged for a while to his girlfriend. I found out by looking on his parents refrigerator, I saw the save the date for 24 October 2020. I said to my fiancé, oh that’s nice your brother is engaged. He says, I thought I told you, I responded with, no you definitely never told me that. Then I thought, wow. Would he ever have told me. Would I have been invited…etc. After the holidays I looked them up and saw they created a wedding site approximately 236 days ago or more. The wedding party was created and my fiancé is a groomsmen.
Now I’m not expecting to be in the wedding but this instantly made me feel so out of place…excluded from the family and like my fiancé intentionally did not tell me. :/
Tallspicy
Are there other things he’s never mentioned? Are there other issues about him bringing into his life? He is your fiancé.
Honestly he’s a dude and he probably doesn’t give a sh$t about his brother’s wedding. And my guess is he was going to talk to you about it later – I mean it’s 10 months from now. I suggest that you talk it up to a dude not caring that much. But if there are other issues about life integration, then I get it.
warasen
As a guy I don’t think this is a big deal. I forgot my sister’s wedding until my daughter asked if I was ever going to respond to invite.
Jo
I don’t think it means anything.
kaye
Yes you are overreacting!! It’s almost a year away and it sounds like they have a long engagement- 18 months!! Since you are engaged yourself you should certainly know you wouldn’t be getting a separate invitation and you would be invited as his +1. When they got around to sending out the actual invitations, which would only be a couple months before the wedding, he certainly would have remembered to tell you.
Why would your fiancé intentionally not tell you? I’m guessing there is more to the story and there are other things making you feel excluded from the family or his life. Because this certainly should be no cause for concern.
Anonymous
I guess the reason I had a concern is because we are in a distance relationship, We’ve already expressed concerns with closeness between one another and how the LDR is beginning to make us drift apart from each other personally. I’ll be moving soon across the country where he is in about 3 months. It jaws just another instance to make me feel left out. Other examples we’re him sharing with me a text message his father sent to him about inviting me for Thanksgiving dinner. He shows me this a week prior…I said well gosh, it would’ve been nice if you’d told me sooner so I could’ve got a flight out. Instead he tells me, I didn’t because I figured it would be my last Thanksgiving on the east coast. On another occasion, he told me just the day prior to the weekend that he was leaving the next day to fly out to Phoenix (where his parents live). That week, leading up I asked if he had any plans and he didn’t mention any until the day before he left.
I pretty much ask every night went we talk before bed, “what’s new”. He usually tells my not much. I’d for instance think one of those evenings he might mention something.
kaye
sking someone every night, what’s new isn’t some invitation for them to dump on you everything that happened during the day! And if you are asking the same question the same way every night eventually it means nothing. Like someone saying what’s up? every time they call you. You may get what’s going on that moment you call, but not what happened prior. I think you need to work on your communication skills. For example, why aren’t you asking him what his Thanksgiving plans are a month or more prior to the date? I mean you’re long distance and require a flight to see each other so that makes it even more important to plan. Why had you not asked if you would see each other? I’ve usually found at Thanksgiving dinners my family would tell me if they wanted to bring an extra person. Why wasn’t he inviting you before his dad thought about it? And if you weren’t going to be seeing him that weekend, why does it matter if he only told you a day before he was flying out to see his parents? It would be different if you two had plans and he made other plans last minute. Men don’t like feeling they are on a short leash or need your permission or approval for something. Certainly if you wanted to go see your parents at short notice you wouldn’t have to run it by him. Guys are notorious for having singular focus and concentrating on one thing at a time and not the next thing until it’s eminent. Watch the Youtube video on men’s brains and women’s brains by Mark Gungor. Not only will you get a good laugh but you will understand more why these things don’t always come up in conversation with him! I think this is much ado about nothing.
kaye
Asking not sking!
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