He never asks if I am free or if I want to do something

I agree with Angiebaby. Don’t make excuses for him being busy because he’s recently out of a relationship, because all that does is enable you being a rebound. But if you’re intending on continuing to see this through, just talk to him about the best way to make plans. When he was “pissed off” he could have spent the weekend with you, say you prefer to make plans in advance and that if he wants to see you, that’s the way that works best for your schedule. Then see what he does. If he doesn’t change anything from what he’s doing now, you have your answer and drop him.

It’s also very possible he and his ex broke up because he was flaky with her in this way as well. If you are definitely communicating clearly but he’s saying you’re the one who is hard to read and finding ways to blame you for not seeing you, even though it’s actually just him doing his own thing, that’s also a huge red flag. Overall, he doesn’t sound worth the effort if he’s this difficult after only a month.

It’s not supposed to be this hard. Stop wasting your time trying to figure him out and move on. You are probably seeing why someone else dumped him. This guy is lazy. You can’t fix that and there’s no point trying to understand it.

He is gaslighting you and showing you a critical and controlling side of himself. You ask him if he is free. He says no. At the moment he says “no” you have zero obligation to tell him what you are going to be doing. He forfeited his right to know because he chose to end his involvement in any potential plans.
He then turns around and outs himself by saying he could have spent time with you if only you had done something different. Please remember that phrase about you doing something different . It’ll be his mantra if you stay with him. What happened to him saying no and being busy? How convenient for him to be free after all when it can be used to condemn you.

The only way his narrative of blaming you could make sense is if he would tell you he does have plans, but then ask what did you have in mind because maybe he could meet up with you depending on when and where you would be and you replied, “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be here or maybe there. Go jump in a lake fa la la”.

He is showing you an ugly side of him. Please don’t ignore this. You are questioning yourself based on him using emotion (getting pissed off) and creating a blame scenario to obscure the facts (you invited him and he said no). This is textbook gaslighting.

It starts small and grows. If you continue with him (And trust me, he will likely stay as long as you let him because he found someone who will put up with him.) he will always find a way to blame you for his behavior.

I don’t doubt he does want to be with you. Please don’t let that be your blinders to what he’s showing you right out of the gate. Men who exhibit the behavior he is do want to be with you, but they lack the tools, maturity, and self-awareness needed to contribute to growing a healthy relationship. This isn’t just about him “leading” or being interested. This is about him playing control games by sitting back and measuring you by how much you bend to him.

I wish I had a more positive reply for you. I’m not there and you and it’s your life, but please see if any of this feels in your gut like it hits home.

100% what Dana said ..

Run away from this guy. It’s going to get more abusive the longer you stay in contact with him.

Sadly I know, you won’t pick it unless you have been exposed to this type of behaviour before. It’s a control tactic.

His actions are very loud in saying that he’s just not that into you, he can barely feign the interest, it’s not even funny.

Agree with everyone who says he’s a manipulative, gasligter.

He’s also not over his ex.

Please dumb his as*, he will bring you nothing but pain and heartache.

Stop texting this guy immediately. He sounds super lazy. If you have to be the one to always initiate why would you want to date someone who doesn’t reciprocate? How do you know if he even wants to see / date you it he never texts you first?

i like what you wrote lane. i infact befriended someone recently. what i realised is every time he goes through some issue in his life, it somehow gets translated in his interactions with me.either he lashes out or goes silent on me. the first time i kind of overlooked it completely. i thought i should be understanding and we all have bad times. but it happened thrice and so now i called him out on it and told him this is not what i am looking for. neither in a friend nor a potential partner and then simply deleted him from my list. thanx for your post.