This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Tallspicy 1 month, 1 week ago.
August 2, 2020 at 1:17 pm #799231
I met this guy online around March, due to Covid we didn’t meet in person until May. Since we met we have hit it off so well, we have great conversation, great sex and really I have never felt so comfortable with someone so fast. We went on a small get away at the end of June early July and it was so great we planned another longer that we just got home from.
The first night we were away, we were drinking and having a great time. We were cuddling and chatting when he decided to tell me his real age. I just turned 35 and thought he was 38, he told me he is really 48. I asked why he lied, and what else he has lied to me about all this time, he said it was the only thing.
He made a comment how he could tell my vibe and our vibe felt different. So we ended the night and just went to bed I said I needed to process this new information.
The rest of the trip I tried to keep it out of my mind and we did have a great time away and even extended it an extra night because it was going so well. Now all I can think of is how different spots in life we are. I have never felt so good and comfortable with someone, we really get on so well. Am I over thinking this? Is age really just a number? I don’t want it to end because it feels so good and so right…
I even said to him he if didn’t lie about his age we would have never met….I am struggling should I listen to my head or heartAugust 2, 2020 at 3:06 pm #799245
What else will he lie about?August 2, 2020 at 3:36 pm #799247
Yeah this is a tough one. I would bet he lied because he wanted younger women and thought ( rightly) that many women in the age group he wanted would think he was too old. Besides the lie, it would bother me that he is an “old Guy” but he thinks women his age are too “old “for him..maybe he will want to trade you in for a “younger model”,ten years from now. If you proceed,do it with upmost caution and what his words and actions before you get in too deep.August 2, 2020 at 3:37 pm #799248
watch his words and actions…I mean. It is too bad, but if I were you I might cut my losses now.August 6, 2020 at 5:54 pm #800303
I profoundly disagree with each and every one of the previous comments for the following reasons (and yes, I was in a very happy relationship with a guy who shaved 8 years of his age online):
– Just because he lied about his age does not mean he lied or will lie about anything else because he did not lie to YOU. He was most likely pressured into doing it for online dating profile because his pals told him he would never get any attention if he reveals his age. It was a very abstract act and society has everything to do with it. It is in no way reflecting his personal values. And wasn’t he right after all? If he had not lied about his age, you would not have met as you probably had upper age way below his real age. That’s what happened to me and man, am I happy my guy listened to his mate’s advice!
– Just because he is looking for a younger woman now does not mean he is going to be looking for one in a few years’ time. I happen to like older guys, he may be into younger women. My former partner was into older women. We all have our preferences. There may also be a reason for him to date a younger woman, he may want to start a family… pretty impossible to do with a woman his age. These are the things that need clear communication, not a knee jerk reaction.
I understand how you are feeling. I felt the same way and, having reflected on it, I now understand why. I entered this relationship thinking there is a possibility of a future together, maybe having kids, doing a bit of travelling, building a home. When I was faced with the reality, it was not the lie in itself that knocked me sideways but what it had meant for MY plans. But I made these plans independently of a person, he never promised me his things whether he was 41 or 49… It was my fantasy. And what we needed to do is to talk about these fundamental issues.
We have had the most amazing time together, he was kind, supportive, incredibly sexy, youthful, full of energy and zest for life and I never mistrusted him. He gave me no reason to think he was ever dishonest about anything else in his life. But our plans when it came to having children were different. I wanted to have an option of maybe having kids one day whereas he didn’t want to be an old dad. I respect that. We parted beautifully after 5 months of sheer bliss together.
The point is, age IS only a number but you cannot get away from the fact that you MAY have different views on your future together. This is something only communication can solve. Communication, communication, communication! Honest and constructive discussion about your needs and his needs. Please don’t have a knee jerk reaction. Understand why you feel the way you feel and find a way to discuss it with him. If you can’t move mast it, thank him for a lovely trip and move on. But don’t see it as a step that arose from mistrust or as “cutting your losses”. There is no need for such negative language and attitude, it will only hurt you in the long run.August 10, 2020 at 8:02 pm #801268
Ana, you nailed it… I think my reaction was more of a realization the future I had made up was altered. I thought about it and going to give it all a chance as everything else is great! Thank you so much for your messageAugust 11, 2020 at 7:52 am #801404
Have you asked him what he would do if you lied about your age and are in fact 10 years older? I doubt he would be fine with itAugust 11, 2020 at 11:05 am #801443
I can understand faking your age on an app so you appear in different searches. BUT, I think it’s shady that once you connected he didn’t fess up. I mean, you guys have been talking/seeing eachother for what? 5 months? And in that time he never thought to mention it? And like someone else said, would he be ok if you turned out to be 10 years older?
What if that 10 years is actually a dealbreaker for you? He basically would have wasted the last 5 months of your time. Seems kind of selfish to me.August 11, 2020 at 1:55 pm #801460
I think you’ve posted about this before, same exact story. It was posted 1-2months ago I believe.
August 11, 2020 at 3:56 pm #801474
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by ANM Staff. Reason: Fixed wrong name
Yeah Alice, that happens sometimes. You want to adres op and fill it in the wrong box.
The story doesnt sound familiar to me but i guess op only wanted one who would say who cares why he lied. I would care, i feel its very immature, vein, shallow for a 48 yo man. No good men i know would do thatAugust 11, 2020 at 10:06 pm #801530
Newbie, yes I think that’s what happened.
I also agree, not telling the truth about your age is immature and deceitful. I’d move on to another guy. At 48yrs he should know better by now so he doesn’t sound like good company to keep.August 11, 2020 at 10:42 pm #801537
Age only matters if you are in different phases of life and can’t see eye-to-eye on the bigger stuff. My sister married a man 9 years her junior and will be celebrating their 26th wedding anniversary. It ultimately matters is if the two of you can enmesh your lives and be happy together.
What is important to you (marriage/kids/etc.)? What is important to him? Depending on how close or far apart the two of you are the important stuff will ultimately determine your success or failure. Need to figure that out before you get too far though.August 12, 2020 at 10:59 am #801663
Never posted this before. Just found out a bit of time ago.
I think for me, it was the future thoughts of a future together and finding out his age changed my made up dreams. I do worry about what else he could lie about, but at the same time we do have a strong connection. I am going to take it day by day and just see how it’s goes and just continue to have funAugust 12, 2020 at 1:04 pm #801679
He should have told you literally on the 1rst date or even had it in his profile. Not impressed. Yellow flag at best.