This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Andrea 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
December 6, 2014 at 12:40 pm #381343
I recently started dating a guy I met on a dating website. We are the same age (25), and both employed full time. We both got out of long-term relationships within the past year (March for him, July for me). I really like him, and we’ve been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. At first, we went on dates during the day on the weekends – Saturdays and Sundays. We started seeing each other about twice a week, three times some weeks, and I didn’t sleep with him until about our 6th date. Right now, I’m staying with family until moving into my own apartment next month, so everything has to happen at his place.
At first, he would ask ‘when can I see you again’? after one of our dates, and I usually suggested a weekend day/night, which he seemed fine with. After we started to sleep together, the first few times he gave me clothes to sleep in and I stayed over, we showered together, and he seemed happy that I was there in the morning. We’d hang out for a while, and I usually left because I had something to do, not because he wanted me to.
Lately I’ve been getting mixed signals from him, however (as in the past 2-3 weeks/weekends). We would have a great date, and he would text me every day, but not really ask me to go out again. And when he did, it was only for a weeknight, when there was no way I could stay over because I had work in the morning. The past two weekends he hasn’t asked to see me at all on nights when I could sleep over. I asked to see him on a Sunday after him not making any plans with me, and he readily agreed (which is where the mixed signals are coming in). We had fun and he seemed happy to be there.
We continue to have a great time when we see each other, he has said he’s not seeing anyone else, he’s taken me to his office and I’ve met his coworkers to watch a game, and he was genuinely concerned when he thought he did something to upset me. He seems to be a sweet guy.
So why has he stopped asking to see me on weekends? He’s only asking to see me for weeknight dates. We had a date Thursday night and ended up sleeping together (although he in no way expected it, we went out to a nice dinner and to play pool and he thought I was not going to be able to come over to his place because I had work, so it wasn’t about sex), but I had to go home late at night because of work (which he said he felt bad about, and said he was sad that I couldn’t stay).
He asked to see me again on Monday night, the night before he’s going out of town for a week. I don’t understand why he would pick Monday night over Friday, Saturday, or Sunday when Monday is a day I can’t meet up with him until after work and can’t stay late at night or sleep over. Also, at first when we would sleep together he would invite me to shower with him, and the last few times he hasn’t asked me to do that either.
I like him, but this is making me feel bad. Why has he stopped asking to see me on the days/nights when we could see each other for longer and I could stay the night? As we get to know each other more, I would think it would be the other way around. I’m very confused. I don’t want to ask him and come across as needy or over-analyzing, but I really am wondering what the deal is.
He seems to want to keep seeing each other, is not dating anyone else, doesn’t have to work on weekends or have anything pressing usually (he told me that he spent the whole weekend hanging around the house doing nothing on one of the weekends that he didn’t ask to see me, and then said I could have come over and stayed with him – which of course I’m not going to invite myself to do without him asking me to). So why is he not asking me out for weekends anymore (or to shower with him anymore, for that matter?) I don’t get it and I don’t know how to ask or what to think.December 6, 2014 at 1:42 pm #381362
What is he doing on Friday and Saturday then? Do you know?December 6, 2014 at 2:41 pm #381377
Although u did not want to appear needy, but u already were when u said to him “I could have come over…”
If you prefer weekend instead of weekdays, say it out. When he invites u to weekday date again, say u r not available but is free the coming Sat. See what he says. You don’t want to go on weekday dates but keep going on weekday dates. U r showing him u r ok with such arrangement. Period.December 6, 2014 at 7:03 pm #381410
Guys will court you more frequently to get sex & after they don’t put that same effort in. Honestly, he might be using those weekends to take another girl out & might just want to keep seeing you for sex. I’d just back off & try to be less emotionally into him, because the fact he is not prioritizing you is telling you somethingDecember 6, 2014 at 9:22 pm #381420
Try making yourself less available when it suits him. If he suggests a weeknight, say you’re busy and suggest a weekend.December 6, 2014 at 9:38 pm #381425
Be good to yourself ! Why are you afraid of telling him ‘Sorry, i can’t this tuesday but i am free friday !’ ?
Stop overanalizing or getting negative about it. Express yourself. You can’t just give all the lead to the guy. When you want something, you have to try to get it !
Nobody gonna give you a place you seems afraid/feel unworthy/ to take. Tell him you prefer week-end for meetings up. You’ll see what is his answer and then react.
And stop waiting after him to ask you but join him at the shower.
You’re having sex together so don’t be shy ask for what you want instead of doing nothing about it and getting mad/sad! Period.December 12, 2014 at 3:25 pm #383076
I just went through this but I am 36 and he is 40. I ended up walking away because it was just too up in the air all the time. It starts out well and when you think you should be getting closer he seems further away. Just like you, I felt badly like there was something going on and we’d talk about it and he would just reassure me that he wanted things to work out. It went on for a few months and then it dawned on me, he wasn’t in the same place as me. I was ready for a relationship where he wanted to be ready. It’s a huge difference and makes things very difficult. I think you should be clear with him, there’s no hurt in that. Don’t be afraid to get what you want.December 12, 2014 at 3:49 pm #383095
What is he doing in weekend then? Do you know?
If he is just relaxing or running errands by himself, I won’t stress over it too much…December 12, 2014 at 3:57 pm #383101
Don’t over analyze!
Don’t jump to negative conclusions, like as if he might be seeing someone else on weekends.
Don’t get all needy about it
Just BE CLEAR with him and don’t be afraid to say “Sorry I’m really not free Tuesday, but I’m definitely free Friday” Or something like that. DO NOT say “Why don’t you ever invite me over on weekends!?!?” because that just sends out a very needy and wrong kind of message, he’ll pick up on it FAST!
Maybe because you haven’t said anything, he might think you’re actually ok or even prefer week days over weekends. He might be thinking you’re hanging with your girls on weekends or something, so he’s not bothering to ask you.
Once you start being clear with your guy, you’ll soon see how simple men really are.December 12, 2014 at 4:42 pm #383132
I completely understand where you’re coming from. As women, we seem to thrive on a certain routine, and weekends just feel… special. There’s something about the weekday that just feels… blah. When there’s a break in this routine, we question if it’s for a reason. Sometimes it is; sometimes it isn’t.
My advice: Don’t beat around the bush by dropping “could have” hints. While satisfying in the moment, it will only confuse him, and in turn, leave you feeling insecure. I’ve done this, and have either been brushed off or flagged for it.
In my experience, the best approach is to be straight-up. There are ways to do this without questioning the relationship outright. Examples:
1- “Gosh. My weekdays are booking up. I’m getting so busy. Gotta catch me on weekends!”
But don’t play games; you actually have to BOOK your weekdays so you’re not available at his beck and call. If he truly cares, he’ll see this as a red flag and make more of an effort. If not, he’s either likely coasting along in his own life or has recently met someone else.
2- “What have you been up to on weekends? Do you remember a couple Saturdays ago when we <Insert something memorable/fun/funny that happened>. I’d love to relive that!”
3- “Hey, I was thinking of going to such-and-such at such-and-such time Saturday. Wanna check it out?”
Good luck!April 12, 2021 at 9:11 am #856590
Well, jump forward seven years or so! Now being in the COVID-19 pandemic, dating is taking a real twist…Still, the situation described continues. This literally is happening in my life, now. We are both professionals, he is in his late 30’s and I am 10 years older, he is divorced, no kids. He owns, I rent. We met last summer (2020) via Hinge. We had a great time for the first few dates. BUT, the disappearing act happened [by him], so I pulled back. Suddenly, weekends, particularly Saturdays and Sundays were booked, he had “plans,” that was it. I became very insecure and basically said be available on some weekends or I need to leave. I left after 8 weeks. We reunited last week. Back to the same cycle. I won’t do it, my time, your time, is just as important as their time. Work, studies, emergencies, of course give space. Otherwise, continue to be ghosted on weekends. Please, walk away, enjoy your life, solo or with a better partner:)April 13, 2021 at 9:26 am #856854
He’s still interested in meeting other women, or he’s met someone he feels a better connection with. Weekends are typically reserved for either girlfriends or first dates.