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Maddie.
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Rora
Growing In love ???
Hello everyone.
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 2 years now. It hasn’t been the most conventional of relationships but we’ve made it work. I think it stems from being accustom to one type of partner and then suddenly realising that maybe you do like other types of people. For example, before dating me he was very much into model looking like women- women who are glamorous and love social media (I don’t consider myself glamorous and I don’t have social media.) I was more into conservative, geeky guys- which he’s not really. I think we’ve mostly enjoyed learning new things about ourselves through each other.
So because we’re not each other’s normal “type” I found that it’s meant he has had to “grow” into loving me. Sometimes I sit and wonder if maybe that’s not settling? Being with someone who has had to grow to love you and not just love you from the bat? We meet couple friends/acquaintances who always say things like “I just knew she/he was the one” and I’m not sure we can say that about each other. I wonder about it sometimes. Do some men grown into loving the woman they eventually choose to spend their lives with? Or do all men know from the get go if they want to eventually settle down with you or not?Maddie
This doesn’t sound like a problem unless you make it a problem, or unless there’s something else going on behind the question.
Sure, some people feel it right away, and get lucky they were right (because the initial feeling was based on a fantasy and hormones as they didn’t know each other yet). For every couple that feels this way, I assure you there were two more people who thought they felt this way at first but were wrong, it didn’t work out, they weren’t compatible, and they broke up so can no longer tell you “we knew right away!” Sometimes it’s even worse, and two people are wildly attracted and bond right away over toxic histories, they connect because it feels familiar for all the most dysfunctional but intense of reasons. And other times, people get to know each other over time and fall in love and all is well. I even know someone who met his wife and knew her for a while as friends almost 15 years before they reconnected, began dating, and fell in love. Even though they barely noticed each other more than platonically when they were younger and went on to pursue other people, now they have a great marriage and kids. It took time but neither believes they settled at all!
My boyfriend liked me right away and it made him want to get to know me better, but he hadn’t decided he wanted to marry me until after he got to know me. It always felt like it flowed easily, though. Any prior relationships I had where one or both of us felt immediate this could be the one!!! sparks and chemistry completely failed, honestly in part because it wasn’t mature or very realistic. Even though it can happen and work out sometimes.
Does this relationship work well and in a healthy way for you both? If so, there’s no need to compare it to others. Or does your bf say things to you like he’s uncertain, he settled for the relationship, he disrespects you by talking about his “regular” type and compares you negatively? Does he talk about a future with you that matches what you want? (After 2 years, this should be coming up in conversation…) Has he been a stable partner who happily chooses you every day but you’re feeling insecure based on something unrelated to him, like you’re comparing yourself to his exes though he doesn’t bring them up? Or do you actually have doubts but are projecting them? Are you happy in the relationship, does the relationship work for you, or are YOU feeling something is missing?
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