Ghosted by a guy that said he wants to marry me? Was it my fault?

If you haven’t been ghosted, you’ve at the very least put in your place. He told you he’s busy, OK fair enough… but he’s putting you on notice by his behavior exactly where you fall in the pecking order of things in his life. If you’re not OK with it, then this is the time to politely break it off, just say that clearly you both have different ways of operating and you can’t tolerate being ignored for long periods even if he is busy. If it’s true that he doesn’t even talk to his mother when he’s this busy then he won’t change and he’s just not the guy for you.

I don’t think your cut out for busy professional men. A man’s purpose in life is very different than a woman’s. Men, like him, put their career’s first. Women, like yourself, put relationships first. Two competing interests that aren’t in alignment and already causing issues because you are set on your interests and he is set in his.

Do I think its rude to not at least reach out. Hell yes! However, on the flip side if I KNOW a man is very busy and he tells me this beforehand then I don’t get all upset, respect his need to tackle his mission and conduct the business he needs to conduct and do my thing until he comes up for air reaches out.

The problem is you don’t know each other well enough to know this and why its causing all this upset, which most likely, by the sound of his mother, will be an ongoing issue as he puts his work life (career) above his romantic life (relationships) and that will be the pecking order for any woman who does decide to marry a very busy professional man—the bonus is they don’t have to worry about money and usually spend it as compensation for their absence.

Thank you for your advice everyone I realised where I was wrong and I hope he realises where he’s wrong and comes back .. am I wrong to still have hope that he is going to come back?

Thank you for your opinion Jo

When we had met before I was about to he made plans for our families to meet and then spoke about being officially engaged the week after. He was the one who also suggested he meet my brother so he can invite him properly and that’s what is messing with my head .. everything was so positive he wasn’t acting different after he met me he was still sending me memes about ”being your girl”.

Chippy-He’s 34 and I’m 25

I’m not going to judge whether this guy is suitable for you or not. I don’t have enough information. And I’m not from your culture. Arranged marriages come with a whole different set of rules I”m not going to even attempt to understand, I’ve got no basis. I wouldn’t want one. But you’re OK with it. So…

If you really want him back. go talk to his mother. This needs to be smoothed over, both of you made mistakes. if she can sort this out then you two just need to establish the ground rules for contact in his busy periods.

Ghosting someone you are in a relationship with is 100% a character flaw of the ghoster. If someone is too afraid to communicate openly and honestly with a person they are involved with, they need some help. So no, it is not your fault the guy chose to break up with you in the rudest and most disrespectful of ways.

It’s probably partially your “fault” that he broke up. It sounds like you want a guy who can pay more attention to you than he is willing to do. I would say the break up was nobody’s fault, just incompatibility. You could have accepted his distance, but if it would have made you unhappy, you would not exactly be doing yourself a favor.

Lastly, Lane is an exception for a woman. Given the choice, few women would be strong enough to be a military wife- most men and women choose to be in relationships because they want someone there for them and to share life with. Most men probably do not want to be out of touch for months on end with their spouse.

I dunno, I think that initially in a relationship, once you are talking engagement, you should be enthusiastic enough about your potential spouse to engage with them daily, or at least not be annoyed by your girlfriend wanting to talk every day to the point that you ghost.

To me, a guy who wants to marry a woman and have a family needs to want to be involved with them daily. I would not want kids with someone who needed “space” and to be left alone for days on end. That’s called a bad parent.

My ex worked out of town, and we talked every day, once a day. HE liked it. He called. So there are men who do not want a bunch of space.

I’m not from the India culture, but I was also raised in a culture with similar values. I’ve never experienced what you are experiencing, but my sister did (not exactly the same story as yours, but similar). The guy started to get cold feet when the family meeting for marriage was about to happen. He was very disrespectful towards my sister and he went silent for 2 weeks on her. He was expecting her to reach out while he was the one to insult her over the phone (lol). In our culture, the man should be the first to step up and reach to his woman if there’s an issue, ESPECIALLY if he’s about to marry her. Oh and guess what he was doing while going silent on her? Downloading dating apps and hitting on other girls. My sister broke up with him and she dodged a HUGE bullet. He showed his true colors.

Your guy is purposely ignoring you knowing how his distance makes you feel. He isn’t considerate of you. It’s your right to expect him to be here in what’s supposed to be a happy moment of your life. As someone else said: not only he’s disrespecting you, but he’s also disrespecting your whole family. I don’t know if in India the girl’s family is the one who’s supposed to receive the guy’s family for gatherings (for all that concerns marriage), but in my culture it’s like that. While my sister’s ex was silent on her (2 weeks before the event btw), my mother was putting efforts into cleaning the house and making cakes for the event. All that not knowing if the guy and his family would show up. I’m still mad at them for that: for putting my mom in that situation.

Anyways. I do believe that he isn’t the one for you considering everything you told about him. He probably had a lot of pressure from his own family for that marriage thing (at 30 something, men start to get pressure from their mom to settle down and get married). From what I know, men HATE when they feel pressured to do something and they tend to run away from it.

In my opinion, you did nothing wrong in your circumstances (even though I wouldn’t encourage any woman to send multiple texts to a guy who’s ignoring her). I would suggest to back off, to not send anything anymore and to not reach out to his mother. Let him go if that’s what he wants. He’ll probably come back to you and at that point, if I were you, I wouldn’t take him back. I would explain that you’re looking for someone you can rely on in moments like this in your life. The truth is that he won’t change and you might drop him now than in a few years while your pregnant, needs him and he’s ignoring you and away from you.

Tbh looking back at this situation with a calm view I’ve realised where I was wrong. Even though he wasn’t constantly texting me he would message me on different social media platforms so he did make an effort but in different ways not known to me.

I don’t know what to do now as I genuinely believed this guy was the one for me. I don’t think he had cold feet because he was the one who suggested the families meeting and the engagement I never once insinuated he even told me he wanted to be married by February.

I’m so confused :(

Brava Lane you are hitting a home run with every post in this thread! I to agree that instant around the clock contact has destroyed many promising relationships.
Many men wonder when they receive a text from a woman ‘why is she telling me this? It is as if she has a compulsion to tell me every single thought in her head!’
Men don’t bond through words,a woman can chat with a man for hours only to find it meant little or nothing to him. Men bond through shared activities. A woman who texts too often or demands very quick responses will either come across as endlessly needy or a prize winning bore and probably both.

Honestly I thought I deserved better and thought he was using being busy as an excuse until my mum spoke to his. But after reading everyone’s advice I’ve realised exactly how much I messed up. I can’t have my cake and eat it just as if I want A successful man I need to understand his business comes first.

I’ve fcked up but how do I get him back if he hadn’t answered my texts before? Do I leave it? Do I wait for him to come back? I’m so confused..please help