Ghost venting

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  T from NY 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #819767 Reply


    I met a man in July on Bumble. We talked for a couple weeks. We then met for a date that went really well. He is military & was gone for 3 weeks after that seeing his kids. He stayed in full contact whole time & was very open about his divorce 2 years ago/ relationship with children. He called himself an “open book” and truly was. He comes back, and we spent the last couple months seeing each other every weekend, working around his training schedule. We have open discussions on where things are going, never pressured him into it. 2 weekends ago we have a perfect long weekend together. HE initiates asking to meet my son & start coming to stay in my new home sometimes. We make detailed plans to take a trip this weekend. I take this as a great sign of intent & interest. He goes to a rough training for a few days the following week, so I give him space to destress but it feels off. By Thursday, I ask if he’s still an open book, yes I am he replies, so I calmly tell him I’m confused that he asked about something so important as meeting my son but now acts like maybe we should slow down and that I just want to be on the same page. No reply. I text the following day to basically call him out for acting this way. No reply, which I expected. He had deleted his bumble profile without me asking or even knowing early on. But I guess that Hinge one that I just found out about has been going on the whole time.

    Not really looking for advice or anything bc it’s obvious. Just needed to vent bc it really messed my head up by him asking to bring my son into it… Only to be such a pussy he completely dropped me days later. I hate people 😑

    #819771 Reply


    I cant really say if you jumped the gun a bit asking if he is still an open book to you calmly explain (in a text) you think he is backing off. But if he wasnt texting at all anymore then i guess he did lose interest. Yeah its the worst kind of scenario’s. It looks good, its humming and then poof and the guy doesnt even have the decency to tell. I hate it. But its very common. He must have felt he wasnt all in. I have no respect for guys like that at all. Also no positive words for you except never believe a man is all in until he says he is all in and at least 3 months of consistent dating have passed.
    Im also sure that this guy must have done this before if he has multiple dating accounts. Take care, remember your life was fine before you met him

    #819776 Reply

    T from NY

    It’s bad enough men don’t take dating as seriously because dating apps gives the illusion of so many choices and easy sex and people believing they are possibly only one swipe away from their soul mate – but ghosting after dating and some progression – is the WORST! I’m sorry this happened to you and the only thing I can say is you don’t really know who you’re really dating for several months anyway (I believe it’s actually for years) but he’s showed you who he his. Believe him. You did not deserve it. None of us do when it happens. It’s cowardly and I’ll never accept it as the new norm. I agree “calling a man out” is not the best way to handle a man fading, only because it rarely induces a man to be honest and only pushes them away further, but you did nothing wrong.

    Mourn this and tend to you. Take the time you need to not grow cynical and believe in the good in some men again even though it’s hard, because that’s what’s best for you.

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