This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
November 28, 2020 at 5:55 pm #827649
Hey guys looking for some advice on wether I’m over reacting or not as this guys freaked me out a bit lol. We met on a dating site I have said from get go I’m not looking to rush into anything Ive been single for 7 years and am a single parent my last relationship was bad so it will take me a while to trust etc. This guy is nice he is 42 I’m 29 he messages me everyday we have spoken on the phone I few times. I did like him as he is funny but hes starting to freak me out he’s really pushing to meet we have only been speaking about 2 weeks we are in a lockdown for 3 weeks where I live I said I would like to meet for the 1st time for coffee or food in a public place so would rather wait until lockdown is over he doesn’t want to wait said we can go somewhere in his car… No lol. I will not have him at my home either. The other night we were talking on the phone about local parks etc I said one near by me and my daughter go to he said he had been there before etc that was it lol. Then today he send me a video clip of him there after me saying earlier in a text me and my daughter may go a walk to the park, but worst of all he was with his mother LOL I said I didn’t think it’s appropriate for us to meet for this 1st time with my daughter there and his mother he said he just wanted to say hi
I’m really freaked out now but I can be a bit emotionally unavailable when it comes to relationships I am working on it so not sure if I’m over reacting?? And he knows where I work so I’m worried what if he turns up there lol.November 28, 2020 at 6:06 pm #827650
He’s eager that’s for sure…
He’s also way older-November 28, 2020 at 6:47 pm #827659
Yes eager enough that’s its worrying/creepy though lol??November 28, 2020 at 9:32 pm #827674
T from NY
My advice to you is to start following your gut. Not to mention his obvious actions. He is more interested right now in his own feelings of eagerness that he’s totally disregarding your feelings. It is COMPLETELY reasonable for a man of his age to understand that during a global pandemic and lock down that you’d like to wait to meet. He may not like it, and that’s fair, but to try and suss out what park you take your daughter to, then for him to invade your space and actually go there, THEN to send you a clip of it – is beyond weird to me. Sure it could mean nothing. But if he’s ignoring your feelings during the earliest stages of getting to know you, when now is the time he would make the most effort to woo you, what does that bode for the future? Nah. This sounds no buenoNovember 28, 2020 at 9:48 pm #827675
I’d meet him & tread carefully.
Always let a friend know where you’re going & who you’re meeting. If you have a picture- send your friend that too.
Maybe a little creepy- showing up at the park by your place.November 28, 2020 at 11:30 pm #827682
I would not meet nor continue talking to him. He’s making you uncomfortable. That is your intuition telling you something is off. Never ignore it.November 29, 2020 at 5:05 am #827724
Agree, this would weird me out as well, particularly the video clip, however intended!
Above all though I would be instantly put off by anyone suggesting to meet during a lockdown (or anytime during this pandemic) and going some place in his car!! This is beyond reckless in my view. A very real dealbreaker.November 29, 2020 at 8:28 am #827759
Lol his mom. Priceless. Stick with your gut. Dont feel bad in saying ‘i dont think this is for me’. Otherwise you collect a whole bunch of weirdo’s that pop in and out all the time. This guy nah. Most likely a 40pus momma boy who is afraid to commit anywayNovember 29, 2020 at 6:30 pm #827841
Makes me wonder if he wanted his mother in the video otherwise then it’d be a video of just a solitary man you haven’t met lingering around at a park you go to = undeniable creepy vibes. Next bank robbers will bring along their mums to appear nonthreateningNovember 29, 2020 at 6:31 pm #827842
btw it’s great to be self-aware and know your shortcomings. But be very careful that you don’t use your struggles with being emotionally available to make excuses for someone’s questionable behavior. Especially at a mere 2 weeksNovember 29, 2020 at 7:36 pm #827847
Thanks guys for your advice great to know I’m not over reacting I have taken a step back and think he now knows that he’s messed up as he’s just messaged saying that iv been quiet today. Definitely won’t be trying online dating again in the future lol.November 30, 2020 at 9:16 am #827962
I agree with what the others have said, that what this guy is doing is inappropriate and creepy. I don’t think you necessarily have to give up on online dating, if you want to date. For one thing, it’s pretty much the only way to meet people nowadays (especially during a pandemic, but even before the pandemic, I feel like most people were doing the online dating/app thing). You just have to learn to weed out the guys who aren’t worth your time. Just like in real life. I met my bf online and we’ve been together almost 3 years now- he’s a wonderful guy. There are good guys out there.
You learned from this experience with this guy. Trust your gut; don’t let an unknown man pressure you into meeting in unsafe circumstances (such as during a lockdown, or asking you to get into his car); if a guy is pushy and does not respect your boundaries, stop talking to him.November 30, 2020 at 12:16 pm #827987
You stated some reasonable and safe boundaries, and he chose to ignore them. Yikes. That’s creepy and controlling. Don’t go to that park for a while because he obviously doesn’t respect the fact that you were there with your CHILD. Block him, too.
Not all online dating is bad but one needs to be a bit savvy to make it worthwhile. You know your needs and boundaries, just continue to see if anyone piques your interest and try again.November 30, 2020 at 7:35 pm #828065
T from NY
Just passing along an important tip: I work with women who have experienced domestic violence and stalking and the recommendation is to NOT block someone in your life that is creepy or if they become threatening. It’s very important to be aware if their behaviors or demands escalate so you could be prepared. Also if someone continues to contact you after you’ve told them goodbye and they become threatening you can use their continued attempts at communication as a basis for a restraining order. What’s MOST important is to NOT reply or engage with them in any way if you choose to say goodbye no matter what they say (if you feel it’s gotten to that point and necessary).
I know the original poster hasn’t been threatened or stalked yet in this scenario. But it felt like this was an appropriate space to share.