Drunk hook up(first time) with roommate….


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  • #354015 Reply
    Mariah

    A lot of people say if two single people of opposite sex live together they are bound to have sex. But what do you do next? My story is: 21st birthday I went out with friends. Everyone went home after the first two bars, and my roommate and I continued on. Nothing happened when we were out (only physical contact was he laced his fingers through mine to pull me through the crowd) and then we went home… We hugged; me thanking him and saying goodnight. It turned into a kiss then one thing led to another and I ended up doing the “walk of shame” the next morning and had to go get Plan B… It was my first time having sex. When I saw him that night ( I was gone all day doing things) he was drunk again and he told me that it meant something to him and asked if it meant something to me. We ended up kissing a lot- I was sober and should have known better. He wanted me to go to bed with him and I told him not until after we had talked about the night before sober. He avoided the subject for almost a week(he doesn’t like to talk about things) before I told him we had to talk about it. Long story short he didn’t say much other than he is not ready for a relationship (had a 3 year relationship that ended 4 months ago). That is pretty much all he said. Which is very confusing because of the things he said “that night” and when he was drunk after (the night after my birthday) conversation ended with we are going to be just roommates and still close friends. I went and spent three weeks at his parents house staying with his sister (who is my best friend and roommate as well). Much to my distress his family brought up the ex a lot. In the beginning I thought that he was ignoring me but either I imagined it or later on he got over it because we hung out a bit with everyone else. One night all of us (Him, his sister, some friends and I) went to his friends for drinks. He got drunk and I was a little tipsy and nothing happened! We were just two friends having drinks it was great! Well I have feelings for him ( I liked him before we had sex)and I cannot shut the feelings off. Thursday night we all got drunk and well his ex got brought up and I left the room with my best friend and became hysterical. I cried for hours Saying things like “I can’t do this anymore.” I have never been an emotional drunk and it scares me how emotionally out of control I was that night. By some miracle he did not see me crying that night. I think about him all the time… I do not know how to move on with my life. I just want to go back to being just roommates. I am now back at our house and he and his sister are staying at their parents house until school resumes in September. So I will not see him for two months. What do I do? How do I get him off my mind? I just want to be roommates- well I want to be his girlfriend but that will not happen so how do I accept just being roommates and how do I shut these feelings off? Please help

    #354018 Reply
    DingDong

    I suggest to search for an other place to live… Spending time together is bound to keep on hoping he’ll change his mind.
    Yet, are you réally sure he doesn’t want more? Some guys protect themself after bad experiences, from getting into a new relationship…But once as you’re absolutely sure, you need to move out/ask him to search a new place. It’ll become unbearable otherwise and ruin the friendship.
    To get him off your mind you need to fill your mind with all sorts of other things: If you’re a student it’s time to get your head there, if you have a job, occupy your mind with that. Spend time on your hobbies, might try some new things. Meet people, maybe you’ll fall in love there.
    Might sound like I think it’s easy, but belive me that I do know it’s véry difficult. Yet, not impossible, ’cause I moved on eventually too, out of situations I though were hopeless…
    It’s not going to change in a blink of an eye either.

    Good luck!

    #354218 Reply
    Mariah

    Thank you DingDong for responding. The issue is I do not know how he feels when I first approached him after it happened I told him that we needed to talk about it and his response was “You talk, I’ll listen”… Well during our conversation the only thing he really told me was “I am not ready for a relationship” and that he is still not over his ex. Which pretty much tells me nothing… Had he just told me that he had no feelings for me and it was just sex it would be easier to move on (I think). I really don’t want to move out. I love living here with my best friend and its a 8 minute walk to my work. I am hoping the two months apart will give me the time to move on. I have been throwing myself into work and trying to make plans with friends to keep me busy and reduce how much I think about him/ about it.

    #354230 Reply
    Raven

    Hi Mariah,
    Unfortunately, he told you everything you needed to know – in “guy speak.”
    When he says, “I am not ready for a relationship,” it means, I’m not looking for a relationship with you…
    Your plan of 2 months apart & doing fun things with others is a great plan… Who knows, you might run into some one who does want a relationship with You.

    #354314 Reply
    Mariah

    Raven, Thank you for clarifying on the “i’m not ready for a relationship” guy lingo. As much as it hurts to hear I am glad I know and it will hopefully help to move on.

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