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October 16, 2014 at 9:57 pm #369333
I have been in a FB relationship since 2 months now. He already had a lot of FBs before and since I was new, he told me, not to expect anything from this relationship except that we “are helping each other with orgasms”; and that he is not looking for a romantic relationship. I understood, and have been very accommodating to that idea, as I don’t see a future with him.
Whenever I go to his house I stay the night over as my home is 6 hours away from his. And usually I go during weekends to stay there for 2 days and he prepares food for me, as he likes cooking and he says that he does it for all his FBs before me. I didnt care because men cooking, is not new for me.
I am tanned,agnostic and short in stature with daddy issues. And he constantly says that he gets attracted to and fall for girls who are tanned, agnostic or atheist with daddy issues but tall girls.. and whenever he says this, he will be like, I am sorry, but I am attracted to dark girls, as if he expected me to say something.
He is usually very sweet and caring and charismatic and chivalrous towards every one. At least thats what I understood from what he talks about and his behaviour to towards me. Last time I went to his house and slept over, in the middle of my sleep, I sensed him looking over at me tenderly and said something like-” you are such a nice girl. And very sweet. I like you so much..” to this I turned my head at him and smiled in my sleep but couldn’t open my eyes properly because I was that sleepy, and it just wouldn’t open.. and when I woke up, I was trying to analyse that, but, now I am not sure if I just made everything up. But I am pretty sure, he was looking at me sleep while lying down next to me.. I am not sure at his exact words though.. and that day, everything went unevenfully, and I slept again by afternoon.. while he was trying to wake me up, so I can catch my bus home, I was already more than half awake by now, at which point he said more to himself that he would prefer it, if I stay there for one more day.. this, after me staying there for 2 nights. But when he knew that I am up, even when I asked him if I should take the late night bus, the only one available, or not, he said yes and that I should take it.. he even asked me what I thought of having his kids “if we ever get married” I brushed it aside joking that since I am petite (5’2 and size us 8) and he is 6’3 (shirt size 48) I would die..
After that weekend, I came home, we had our first fight and i apologised profusely to him, even though it was an honest mistake from my part, but a mistake nonetheless. Since then he messages me almost religiously everyday.. yesterday when I did not message him as I was sleeping the entire day, he messaged me to let him know when I wake up. When I did and messaged him asking him why, he asked me, if I was okay as he didn’t hear from me all day (my last message to him was at 9.50am and he messaged me to let him know at 4.20) and he just wanted to know. Also, day before yesterday he suddenly wanted to talk to me, and while we were talking he out of the blue told me that he was missing my face..
Now I am confused as to, if he likes me or not, as he still vehemently says that he do not want to be in a relationship and also he talks about his ex girlfriend many a times with me.. he and I broke up with our respective exes almost around the same time.. whenever we do not have sex, we end up talking about anything and everything… the conversations are usually really good and invigorating as he is a very intelligent guy. Also, he has told me almost everything about his dead parents and his childhood and his family and so have I to a great extent. I do not think this is out of ordinary for him, because he is very talkative and I havent seen him shut his mouth for more than 3 minutes at a time.
So, I really need your help ascertaining, if he actually likes me, or is everything in my head??
Ps- he always says that he doesn’t get attracted to short girls nor does he wanna date any of them. And whenever he does anything for me, especially in the beginning, he used to be like, “dont take it as a romantic interest, I didn’t mean that way”..now he doesn’t say anything like that anymore though..
Confused and LostOctober 16, 2014 at 11:30 pm #369343
I know this can be very confusing, but trust me, when a man says he does not want a relationship he will not be in one, period. The fact he’s had many of these and has never been in one is a HUGE NEON SIGN that’s flashing WARNING I WILL NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!!!! If you’ve never been in an FWB then you probably aren’t cut out for it, whereas majority of woman aren’t because of the chemicals that attaches us to men.
I’ve had an FWB for a year now and I really like it because its easy, effortless, calm and all about enjoying each others company that includes discussion about our families, kids, meeting friends, etc. but doesn’t include me analyzing things he says or does like you’re doing. I really think you need to pull out or stop thinking so much because once you’ve changed the dynamic of an FWB, especially with a guy who’s so adamant and has a long pattern and history of them, then you’re setting yourself up for heartache.
Honestly, majority of women cannot do FWB because of the hormones we release that bonds us to men. I couldn’t have engaged in an FWB when I was younger, but now that I’ve raised my two sons and my hormones have died down, I can do it without all the emotional fanfare. You need to be real with yourself because if you can’t handle an FWB then you shouldn’t engage in them.October 16, 2014 at 11:42 pm #369344
lane – can you share more on your FWB?
When I was younger, I would never consider it because I find it humiliating…. Now that I went thru marriage once and have 2 boys, I know I can’t afford a relationship any more..
Don’t want my boys to have to fit in with another guy for one thing…. Find myself losing interest in a man if I live 24/7 with him for another…
So, I start to think FWB might be an option ….. But still undecided…October 17, 2014 at 2:20 am #369348
As I said, I dont really have any feelings towards this guy. And I am not a girl who goes behind a guy after he says no to me (huge ego issue). And of course I dont see any future with him.
But the reason I was so confused was because, isnt it weird, looking at me sleep and then talk to me or atleast say these things to me while I am asleep?? I really didnt know what he wanted. And when I woke up the next day, he acted as if nothing happened, confusing me further. Maybe he doesnt know that I was drifting in and out of sleep and that I heard him.
Also, he is the guy who gave me a bday gift of an online card with the words-“happy birthday, also nice butt” :p so no, no expectations there. But as I said, recently while talking on the phone, he randomly said that he missed my face!! Face out of all things, he missed in me?? Seriously??
Hence, this is the reason..October 17, 2014 at 5:58 am #369352
You know what, this guy sounds like a Gemini, I’ll bet he is one, he has two sides to him; one that is chatty, entertaining and engaging but aloof and the other that loves to belong to someone or something to bond and belong to in this cool harsh world. Thing is with these guys, is once you get attached they will bail. You see, he can at any moment back out with no repercussions against him since he simply told you it’s nothing more than sex. But where does that leave you? Somewhere along the line of confused, hurt, stuck between a rock and a hard place and still going through the motions of trying to figure out if you ever meant something for him. The only good news is he sounds like he’s falling for you, but sadly it’s not enough of a guarantee for you to invest more of your time and energy with someone who’s at best wishy washy about you. So I really suggest you play it cool with this one, and if you feel at this point that you are having any feelings for him, stop and then get out of this FB setup as fast as you can. And I really suggest you have a discussion with him, tell him you’ve decided to start dating since this getup of his is only temporary and then pay very good attention to his reaction. If he flips, well then you got yourself a guy who most definitely has developed to say the least an attachment to you.October 17, 2014 at 9:12 am #369367
Girl, if you’re wondering about his feelings for you, aren’t you projecting your feelings for him? In any FWB type of situation, the minute ‘feelings’ get discussed, it’s time to back off, IMO. If you can step back and let go of those feelings you just might keep your FWB for a bit longer. Personally though, 6 hours away and only weekends isn’t enough for me. Once that seal is broken, I’m pretty damn demanding. Lol…best of luck to you!October 17, 2014 at 9:52 am #369377
I was in a very long marriage (over 20 years) and once I got through the healing phase of the divorce and embraced my new found independence I didn’t want to give it up! My first FWB was more benefit (sex) than friendship as he lived in a another state and would come to my area once a month to check on a program he worked on. Lasted about a year, I got bored and ended it.
About a year and half after that I entered my first relationship and didn’t like it, so I broke up. About a year that one I was introduced to my current FWB by a mutual friend who I play golf with. We BOTH said we didn’t want anything serious but this one is much different than my first whereas he ACTS more like a boyfriend, but there’s no “love stuff” (emotional attachments) involved.
He calls and schedules a date at least once or twice a week (he works over 70 hours included weekends). We go out and do couply stuff together without all the _couple issues_ that relationships entail. We really enjoy hanging out together but I do date other guys (don’t have sex with them) which is why it works out great for me :-)
If you can leave the emotional entanglement out of it and enjoy the benefits (sex and friendship), then you will be fine. However if you’re hormones run amok and you start developing feelings then you need to move on fast! Like I said, most woman aren’t cut out for FWB’s, but there are phases/times in our lives they fill a void/gap without all the relationship crap involved….a big bonus!October 17, 2014 at 10:31 am #369398
The title of your post is wrong. It should be “Am I developing feelings for my FWB?”
I’ve had a couple of these over the years and had great experiences. The important thing to consider is that you guys are FRIENDS with benefits. I don’t know about you, but with my friends I am affectionate, touchy, give compliments, help them out, hang out, cook for them, etc. I would also much rather have them stay over and hang out for one more day than go to work on Monday. I sometimes also miss their faces. :) This does not mean I want to date my male or female friends.
This guy does not want a relationship with you. He DOES think of you as a friend who also “helps him with his orgasms” (love his description!). The fact that you are disecting everything he says and does makes me think you may not be able to handle this. I almost guarantee he is probably having no issue with the staus of your relationship.
I agree with Lane and Debbie. You need to reassess the situation and decide whether you can do this without developing feelings.October 17, 2014 at 10:36 am #369400
Oh and Debby, love that “once the seal is broken…” comment. lol! Yeah, I know its unusual for a woman, but in-between serious relationships it’s so much easier to have someone help me “scratch the itch.” :)October 17, 2014 at 5:45 pm #369512
Hmm.. I understand and had a long thought about it.. I am pretty sure I don’t have any feelings towards him. I was just disturbed by the fact that he was looking at me sleep.. maybe you guys are right and i have to stop thinking about it or this guy.July 16, 2018 at 2:48 pm #713102
I meet this guy on Pof. About him was he is attached but is looking for 1 person. We started talking and the first time we meet was at my house. He explained why he was looking for a fwb. The person he is with they don’t like each other. It’s only cuz of kids. He had to move up here for work and the only reason she is here with him is if she didn’t come with him he wouldn’t see his younger son.
The first time we were together was amazing. I asked him if this was something he wanted to continue(fwb) his response was yes and where have I been his whole life. We meet again and again. A week ago we meet again and it was different. When he looked me in the eyes it was very very strong.. I felt something so different with him. He told me I looked really good and put his arms around my waist. We email every morning. He always says good morning to me . We talk through the day but not lots. His job doesn’t always allow us to email through the day. He sends me kisses and the last time we were together he wants to arrange an over night.
What does all this mean? Yes I have feelings for him ever since the last time we were together cuz of the way he looked at me and I felt lots from his eyesJuly 16, 2018 at 3:21 pm #713107
You are the side woman. What is wrong with women these days? You know he has a wife and kids and you meet up and invite him to your home for sex? How many other women do you think he has done this with? Because you sure aren’t the first.July 16, 2018 at 3:27 pm #713108
Women are as dumb as rocks these days. No wonder it’s so easy for men to cheat and lie. This man tells her upfront he has a woman and she still agrees to be his sex on the side. Now she wants a relationship with a cheater. No he doesn’t see much more I need you. If he did he would have been respectful and gotten out of his relationship and not asked you to be his woman on the side. Maybe you should feel looks about how he plans to dump the wife and kids for you, how he lies to his woman that he goes home to. His look is about lust and using you. You deserve to be used if you are stupid enough to date a man who is already taken,July 16, 2018 at 6:04 pm #713177
This post is 4 Years Old…
“I have feelings for him ever since the last time we were together cuz of the way he looked at me and I felt lots from his eyes.”