Do you call out a ghoster?

I always give the energy that I receive. That way, even if I’m ghosted, I don’t realize. I’ve never even known if anyone has ever blocked me. Learn to notice the energy a guy gives you. If he doesn’t give you much of a vibe, then don’t put your mind on him at all. That way, ghosters won’t bother you. To answer your question, don’t call them out if you don’t feel at peace doing it or to make them feel bad. call them out if you want them in your life or if it makes you feel better. Sometimes people shut down or deal with stuff and they forget to call. But be very polite about it. I’ll leave you with a short personal experience. I said I don’t notice ghosters but there is a time I scrolled through my phone only to bump into an old chat from someone that I didn’t notice had ghosted me. I said “hello” to him. And he replied with “I felt like you didn’t want to talk to me after your reaction”. Also, some guys have called me out after I ghosted them for one reason or another, and we discussed it and even laughed about it. All in all, the decision is yours to make, you just need to make sure your heart is in it.

If it’ll make you feel better to call out a ghoster, then do it. If it makes you feel better to pretend you’re unaffected, then do that. It really doesn’t matter what you do.

Just make sure your expectations are zero either way. If you’re hoping they will realize or change or admit or even acknowledge your message, you’re setting yourself up for a double-whammy

Shay’s made a good point which makes me wonder if ghosting is determined by the recipient or the intention of the doer.

I can’t remember ever consciously ghosting anyone, nor being ghosted. But who knows maybe someone from my past thinks I ghosted them. Sometimes someone doesn’t feel a priority in your mind and when things start to fizzle out, you may not even notice them gone.

And this is where it’s risky to call someone out. It’s one thing for someone to ghost because they were cowardly. At least they were thinking of you. But how well would you be able to stomach the possibility that someone genuinely didn’t even realize that they forgot about you and you were out of their life

Question for everyone above. I agree to a degree but what if you have been talking for a month and have gone out 3x with the 3rd ending in sex? Sure you can agree that’s too early but let’s just say it felt right and you did it. No judgement. Would that not be disrespectful to text back and forth the next day after that and then not hear from him for 2-3 days after? That is the situation I am in. Similar to the OP. In that situation would you just ignore it. He initiated text on Monday and We went back and forth with my text being last but not a question. Wondering if I reach out casually to say hi or something like “busy week?”, call him out or truly say nothing? This guy did not seem like the type that would do this or dates a lot. Maybe the sex was too soon but it felt right and I don’t think we should continually say “you gave it up too soon, that’s how guys are” and blame ourselves instead of their dismissive and disrespectful actions in cases where they truly do lose interest and to never hear from them again.

I expect that until a man is my boyfriend, he will just disappear. It is called the 0 f7cks of dating. That way, I am never upset because he never meant anything until he was real – which is being a boyfriend. We negotiate that together. Men stopping contact is them telling you in actions what they won’t say in words.

Ashley M – sex on the third date is also not a contract or obligation, nor does it automatically create a relationship. If it felt “right” to you in the moment then you should have any regrets or care one way or the other if he contacts you again. You can’t have it both ways. I tell a man well BEFORE I have sex with him that I’d prefer to wait until we both know we want to be exclusive. And I’m talking BF/GF not just exclusive sexually.

Again, sex doesn’t make an instant official relationship.

If it would bother you not to hear from someone after you slept with him, then either don’t do it or talk about it with him first to establish what’s going on.

Know yourself, know how to play the dating game.

“Maybe the sex was too soon but it felt right and I don’t think we should continually say “you gave it up too soon, that’s how guys are” and blame ourselves instead of their dismissive and disrespectful actions in cases where they truly do lose interest and to never hear from them again.”

Why are you blaming yourself? The only thing you didn’t do was state your boundaries before having sex, so your expectations afterwards weren’t met. But the disrespectful way he responded to sex is on HIM, and he’d have probably inevitably pulled nonsense at some point down the line because he wasn’t looking for a relationship (you don’t treat people that way in general if you really consciously are). And that doesn’t mean blaming yourself, it means you enjoyed your night and hoped for more and then learned that he’s not the right guy for you after all because he couldn’t even be bothered to follow up respectfully after intimacy. Not every guy is like that, but if the ones who are will bother you by doing it, state your expectations beforehand. If he balks, great! All of these responses are different ways you get information about him. Waiting isn’t to remove “blame” from yourself and not do what you want, it’s simply about giving yourself more time to figure him out and protect yourself if him disappearing afterwards will be too painful to be worth it. It helps you filter out these guys beforehand instead of after you feel more attached.

In answer to the original question, my personal opinion is disappearing after a casual few dates is crappy but isn’t ghosting persay and says way more about the men than you and isn’t worth your time to call them out. They KNOW they’re crappy. Every guy I’ve ever known who does this to people knows, and some do it because of anxiety, avoidance, or emotional issues, others do it because they’re jerks and immature. Every one is aware, and they won’t change just because someone called them out. So telling them off is for you, not them. That being said, I think getting intimate deserves a, “I’m sorry but I’m not interested in going out again…” even if it was on an early date. And I think that kind of is ghosting. But many people disagree with that and will just disappear at that point so it goes back to knowing yourself and having strong boundaries so you don’t put yourself in a situation where your expectations can be dashed if it’s going to be crushing. I don’t mean fearing vulnerability or getting too scared to ever progress with something — I mean putting expectations out there and seeing where the guy is at instead of assuming and hoping for the best. If he can’t communicate and wants to play games and is put off by a woman who is secure in herself, then screw him and you’re dodging a bullet anyway. But it leads to either guys not ghosting or you feeling okay with writing them off because you didn’t overinvest if they do disappear.

Nope, have no time or energy for that crap. If a ‘ghoster’ were to re-contacted me, which appears to happen to a lot of women these days, I would just ghost them back lol.

I don’t see it as ghosting at all. A man is allowed is to decide WHO he wants to contact or not contact further. I just take it as “not interested” which is OK because I’ve been not as interested in men who contact me, and then have to tell them I’m not, which sucks worse than hoping they will just disappear haha.