Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › Do I Just Let Go?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 1 year, 11 months ago by
Angiebaby.
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Marie
I’m finding it difficult to be honest with myself. I know what I want in a relationship, but how I get there is a challenging step to take. I divorce many years ago and met this wonderful man who swept me off my feet. We moved in together with my 2 children and after two years I needed to move out because of our differences in opinion in how I raised my children. It was a difficult move to make because I love him so much. 6 years later, we are still together, but living under different roofs. My children are older and he has specific bonds with them. We have had some extraordinary experiences together, making wonderful memories. At this point in my life I want a partner who is beside me every morning and every night. I’m tired and lonely being the single mom. I don’t see him often an hour a day here and there. I may have an overnight stay with him once or twice a month. We text every day and call unless there is a crisis in him life. I’ve accepted this for years, but I need more. I want him to commit and have thrown hints out there, but nothing comes out of it. I feel these last six years has put a hold on the life I really want. When I moved out 4 years ago, it really hurt him and he is reluctant to allow us to be under one roof again. I made that decision for my children. The toxic atmosphere was getting verbally abusive towards me and my children. Long story short, after 6 years he is my best friend, but why continue this relationship if there is no future that I can see?
AngieBaby
How old are your children? How long until the youngest leaves the house?
The answer is, you shouldn’t continue this relationship if you don’t see the future you want. You’ve spent 6 years in this past him moving into his own place. (I’m not going to comment on the fact that you stayed in the relationship despite him being verbally abusive to you and your children, because I presume you felt that just living separately was viable and it’s water under the bridge now.)
I think you know it’s time to end this, from the way your question is phrased. If you’re looking for permission to call it off: you have permission to call it off so you can be open to meeting someone who can share your daily life without being abusive towards you and your kids.
Marie
My children are in their mid-teens. I don’t see them moving out for a few years and I’m okay with that. I left his home when the verbal abuse started. I would not allow myself or my children endure that kind of behaviour. We were never exposed to that. This would only come on when “he thought he could change the way I raised my kids” that was our only argument, but the most important to me. My children come first. We’ve grown and have learned. We’ve grown closer in a sense where we no where we both stand. That I accept. But, after not living together for 4 years I am at a point now that it should be all or nothing. Commitment for one. I know I won’t get that. He’s comfortable the way things are. I was too until recently. I can’t continue alone. I know what I need to do based on what I need and want in my life. The thought of leaving him saddens me as I said, he is my best friend. I think counselling might need to be an option here. So complicated.
Raven
Verbal abuse… Why do you want to move forward with a guy who verbally abused you & your children?
Angiebaby
Got it. Well… ending any relationship of 6 years is going to be hard and sad, everything has a beginning and an ending. You’ve now got a dealbreaker situation on your hands, and like most dealbreakers, it’s black and white, no grey area. You’ve been living the grey area and you indicate you can’t go on the way it is. If you think counseling might help, then it’s worth a shot, but if you know he’s not going to change his mind, I trust you are prepared that counseling will fail to move the needle. Honestly, I’m not sure why you think counseling will work given everything you’ve said, but I’m always going to tell someone to try everything possible if they think the relationship is worth saving.
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