did i do the right thing?

Hey Tammy, I think you are very wise to know yourself by saying you know you would catch feelings if you started a FWB with him, so I think it would be torture to remain friends. I am still struggling with accepting that, myself. I know that if I say, ‘sure let’s get together’ it will end in me wanting to be intimate again, because I know how amazing it will feel for that time, but afterwards when I am alone, I’ll feel a little broken inside. Trust your gut, don’t do it to yourself, learn from my mistakes. Wishing you peace :)

thanx queenie. actually this time we chatted on and off for about 3 weeks before we met. our few meetings 9 years back ended in very hot and passionate make out sessions. but we didn’t quite make it to the bed. i still remember those sessions with very vivid clarity almost as if it was yesterday. they were magical rather than sexual. and he was the one who had initiated not that i was unwilling.

this time before we met just an hour before the meeting he said he still remembers what a good kisser i was. i told him that’s in the past lets not revisit. he said half jokingly like most women want to kiss him bec hes irresistible. i said don’t worry i can definitely resist you and i wont be making any moves for sure. he suggested coffee meeting but i said that wld be too brief and we must meet for drinks and catch up on the past so many years.

i was surprised when he suggested if we could meet yesterday out of the blue. i was nervous and when we met it was kind of lot of flippant remarks from my side initially. ofcrse as the evening progressed it kind of got comfy and i got my vibe back.

my body and heart says go for it. but my head says wait think things thru and don’t jump into bed with him. in case he is in town again and suggests another meeting, i think i would go and see how things fare. just talking with him but no sex. by now he probably knows i wont be just jumping into bed with him despite wanting him. but if he doesn’t make any plans for another meeting, then i will just let this slip back into oblivion.

i didn’t want to actually, let this just slide. i wondered if i should fight for this and make him see things. but queenie after reading your story, i think if a man says he wants only fwb arrangement, he means it. he wont change his mind even if we do get involved. so thanx queenie i will hold back.

haha. it doesn’t work that way does it? anywys we did have a long talk and he said hes always been a casual guy and that am the serious type. he doesn’t want to end up hurting me since he likes me a lot and hence we will keep our friendship strictly platonic.:-) i told him no worries. he has rented a service apartment in my city and always stays there when in my city. but strangely hes more afraid than me being alone together in his apartment.

click on forums. there will be a varied headings. click on the heading under which you think your issue will fall. scroll down and you can find below at the bottom of the page a space where you can list your query. very easy to post.

I get that you’re probably emotionally attached to this guy, 9 years is a long time to be romanticizing someone, but essentially he’s likely willing to still be your “friend” in hopes that you eventually cave to the FWB idea, and you’re hoping to stick it out and eventually he’ll come around and want to start dating you. I feel like you’re on the losing side of this. He’s had 9 years to come around to want to move things forward and he’s openly said he doesn’t want a relationship. I would believe him and move on from him completely.

please just ignore the last paragraph.

and another thing. if he has no issues being just frnds with me why did he feel the need on Sunday to curtail the meeting despite we agreeing to spend the evening together at his service apartment as just frnds? 9 years is a long time and we did have many things to talk about.