Did I do something wrong? Does he not like me anymore? ADVICE!


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Terriann 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #782870 Reply

    Caroline

    A little backstory, me and this guy have been talking for a while now and if I’m being honest, he wouldn’t treat me the best but I dealt with it because I really liked him. Now, he finally told me likes me and he’s going to change and wants to start treating me right. However, we were texting a few days ago where he said he was falling asleep so he’ll text me tomorrow but he never did. I texted him last night letting him know that this Friday was the official date of a little get together with my friends that he was invited to. He responded with “when do the leave” asking me when the family over my house are leaving because that’s what I was waiting for in order to decide the date. And also because he hasn’t been able to come over and I haven’t been able to come see him because I was busy with family. I told him Wednesday and he asked “so I can’t come until Friday?” He’s been wanting to see me ASAP since the last time we saw each other was 2 weeks ago and he said that he’s going to treat me right when he sees me. I said “you can come earlier if you want” and he never responded. Did I do something wrong? Does he change his mind about liking me?

    #782872 Reply

    Paige

    Why do you want to be with someone who’s not even nice or treats you properly? That’s not weird to you?

    #782873 Reply

    Caroline

    It’s more complicated than that. I just can’t write all of it because it will be too long. When he’s nice, he’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met. But when he’s mean, it sucks obviously. But he said he wants to change and I went to give him a chance. But I’m just confused because I feel like he’s sending mixed signals.

    #782876 Reply

    YELLOW FLAG

    guys can only focus on one task at a time.
    Most guys aren’t really big on texting. I have experience with it. out of 5 men that got my number and started talking to me, would either give me a very delayed response or honestly forget to respond because they are occupied with something else. NO MAN likes a digital leash and the smart ones put a stop to it right off the bat. One guy flat out told me he wasn’t a texter and he stopped talking to me completely because I was incessantly texting him.

    is he a loner and like his time alone?
    does he have kids?
    does he work?
    is he just the kind of man who is all over the place and never settles down?

    Change isn’t easy and if he treated you crappy from the beginning DO NOT trust his words and Watch his actions. It’s better to have those conversations about him wanting to treat you right in person.

    Did you ever ask him what he means by treating you right?
    treating you right in the bedroom? or in a relationship?

    He does not want to hang out with your friends and family. Wants alone time with you. That’s why he didn’t respond. Be careful. Could be a trap just to get laid.

    Guard your heart babe, any guy who says he is going to change probably loves cheap thrills and is taking you on a roller coaster ride.

    #782877 Reply

    YELLOW FLAG

    Follow your intuition.

    Ignore your feelings and look at the facts. The facts are in his actions.

    #782878 Reply

    Jo

    People can change, but it’s a long process and involves getting help. Is he seeing a therapist about his behaviour? Has he really examined what makes him behave badly? Sorry, but if the only effort he’s putting in is announcing he’s going to behave differently in future, then it isn’t going to happen

    #782879 Reply

    Caroline

    I am definitely going to pay attention to his actions and not just blindly follow along his words. I just haven’t seen him since he’s said all these things.

    @YELLOW FLAG
    I noticed the part where you said he doesn’t want to spend time with my friends and family. I think you may have misinterpreted. What he meant by coming earlier was that I was waiting to invite him over once my family had left because I was busy with them so I told him to come over Friday since they’re leaving Wednesday l. But he means if they’re leaving Wednesday why does he have to wait until Friday to see me.

    #782880 Reply

    mama

    “When he’s nice, he’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met. But when he’s mean, it sucks obviously. But he said he wants to change and I went to give him a chance.”

    My boyfriend is never mean to me, even when he’s angry. I never had to give him a chance to change because he’s already wired to treat me with decent respect.

    Please go into this eyes wide open and make sure he understands you will no longer be treated with disrespect. You deserve the best from the one you want to give your heart to. And believe in yourself enough to walk away when he doesn’t change like you hope. Personally, I think you are making a mistake listening to all of his BS. I don’t think he’ll change but I hope I’m wrong. Good luck to you Caroline! :)

    #782885 Reply

    Terriann

    When men pull away, women rush in to try to fix whatever caused them to pull away. The makes the man pull away even more.

    Instead of getting super needy and letting him run the show, deciding when he can “finally come over”, go on about your life.

    Don’t message him, dont call him, if/when he does reach out, don’t respond right away. Never give the impression you can’t stop staring at your phone!! Instead, be a little cool even delayed in your response time.

    All the while, of course be the happy friendly person you are, be the girl that first attracted him to you. I swear I will eat my hat if he doesn’t start blowing up your phone!!

    And, this is a big and, if he starts to go by the way side, not reaching out as often, let his ass go. Seriously girl, OWN YOUR POWER. YOU are the one in charge of you. You get to decide how you let people treat you.

    And…. if he is already treating you this bad IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER. He won’t respect you if you let him treat you bad.

    Take a minute and think about this… he doesn’t want to see your family. He wants to wait until they leave, come over, get fed, get laid, until he is ready to do something else, leaving you to wonder when you will hear from him or see him again.

    Right now he is completely in charge of your emotions. Take them back!! Ask yourself is this the way you want to be treated. He will continue to promise to change only to repeat the cycle again and again.

    Also, ask yourself what has happened in your life that caused you to think it is okay for another human to treat you like this. Sending huge empowering vibes and energy. You are valuable but others won’t treat you that way until you make them. This starts with simply and gently redirecting toward something better, time and time again until it becomes natural.

    PS trying to explain this to him is a wasted effort. This is for you.

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