This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Caetru 4 weeks, 1 day ago.
September 29, 2020 at 4:05 pm #815520
I’ve been seeing this guy for two months. We see each other on weekends and we talk pretty regularly throughout the week, he’s not a great texter but he usually checks in with me every day at the very least. This past weekend we didn’t hang out because Friday I had school work and Saturday he was out of town. He texted me on Saturday to see how my day was going and we had a brief back and forth, with the last text sent being by me. I basically just said have a good time with your friends tonight. Sunday rolls around and I don’t hear from him and I’m thinking its weird but don’t read much into it. Once Monday rolls around and I don’t hear from him I start to freak out. Today is day three of nothing and now I’m pretty sure he ghosted. I didn’t really see this coming I didn’t pick up on any signs but I guess ghosting can happen that fast right?
Any thoughts?September 29, 2020 at 4:56 pm #815528
Yes, it can. However, if he has been VERY consistent, it is reasonable to touch base… send something fun and playful.
If he had not been, then just let it go if you can.September 29, 2020 at 4:58 pm #815529
Yes, I think these things do happen in dating. Advice on this forum would say there was no ghosting because there was no relationship – ie what was happening was just dating, and the guy did not ‘owe’ it to you to keep the communication up between the dates. I would pull back and let him make the next step. Also, I think it’s important to keep the right frame of mind – ie try to bring the focus back to yourself/your life/being busy and happy with things other than the connection with him, keep chatting to other guys and remember that someone who is meant to be with you will not go cold just like this out of the blue.
If he does come back – same thing, your focus is back on you / your happiness, not on him, and if you think the interaction continues to be up to your standards, then you engage and be warm and receptive, if not – you disengage :). good luck :) xSeptember 29, 2020 at 6:40 pm #815540
I appreciate the advice and insight! The agony of not knowing is eating me alive so I sent him a text. I just asked him how his weekend was and how his presentation for work is coming along. At this point id rather him reply by dumping me or give me no reply because that would also be an answer. I sent it an hour ago and have not heard back yet. He’d often a slow texter but if I hear nothing tonight then I’ve got my answer.September 30, 2020 at 3:06 am #815574
Problem with men is that they will never tell you that are not interested , well some will but most men won’tSeptember 30, 2020 at 9:18 am #815593
UPDATE: He never responded so I guess I’ve been officially ghosted. It definitely feels bad BUT I don’t want to be with a man who’s not 100% sure about me so on to the next. I know I deserve better.September 30, 2020 at 9:31 am #815599
NEW UPDATE: He just texted me and said he just got back from being out of townSeptember 30, 2020 at 10:28 am #815605
out of town- seeing another girl lol
I wouldn’t bother replyingSeptember 30, 2020 at 10:40 am #815607
What i get from your post is you have been seeing each other maybe in a more casual way and there is no talk about being exclusive or dating with seeing if you make a good couple? Is that correct? In that case it doesnt really matter is he ghosts or not because the interest level is too low to begin with. If he was interested in being your bf you would know after 2 months. So you should follow your own plan, which is to no longer engage with him unless you are looking for a friendSeptember 30, 2020 at 10:51 am #815609
I’m not sure this is a situation of ghosting or just normal fading/ non-interest in dating.
And with your updates it’s even harder to tell.
First I hate that women expect men to text constantly. What I’ve noticed is that men tend to text when they have a question to answer, are bored, or want to make plans. Men are action oriented so if you just texted “hope you had a good weekend” the likelihood that he’ll have a response is slim to none. That’s just my opinion.
How much have you dated in 2 months? Once a week? A couple of times a week? Is there progress with spending more time together? That would lead me to believe you were in a relationship not just beginning phase of dating.
Have you both called it a relationship? If you haven’t there is no reason for him to dump you or call it quits. Nothing was established.
I’m wondering though if you are invested and in a relationship why he wouldn’t tell you about going out of town.
For example: I’ve been seeing the same guy for the past 3 months now. Last month he went away for a weekend to a female friends house in another state with his daughter. He told me about the trip about a week or two in advance. I left him alone because I knew he needed the space/time away from the area we are in. No texting, calls from me or him. I just let him do his thing while I did mine. On his way home he blew up my phone telling me about his trip, a new song he wanted me to hear, and interest in what I did while he was away.
I don’t understand why your guy wouldn’t tell you about going out of town if he was as invested in this relationship as you.September 30, 2020 at 11:59 am #815625
I agree with Gaia and Newbie. Also, the excuse/response he offered about being out of town makes no sense. Why could he not text you when he was out of town? He was out of town on Saturday but texted you then. The fact that he was out of town does not explain 3+ days of radio silence. Cell phones work everywhere.
But I agree with Newbie’s point that if after 2 months you are still up in the air about where you stand with this guy, it seems unlikely it will go anywhere.
And Gaia is right, if he considered himself to be in a relationship with you, he would have kept you up to date about his travel schedule, whether you texted each other while he was away or not.September 30, 2020 at 8:46 pm #816618
Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say he really was out of town for a few days and didn’t tell you. You’ve reached out to him so he knows you are still thinking of him and interested. Let him get in touch with you now. If he doesn’t start communicating with you again and asking you out on dates, than you know he is not interested and you can write him off. I know it doesn’t feel good but there’s better out there for you