Dealing with the pain.


Home Forums Break Up Advice Dealing with the pain.

This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Claws 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #867845 Reply

    Charlie

    I’m writing this because I’m hoping talking to complete strangers will help. And hopefully you have some words of wisdom.

    A week ago Monday me and my boyfriend off just over 15 months broke up. For some of the time it had felt like a LDR since lockdown just went on forever. He was clearly getting depressed particularly since maybe January. Not necessarily with the relationship but just everything in general.

    He became distant but kept saying well be good when things get back to normal. Anyway. Fast forward to last month. We managed to have some date nights and spend time together for the first time in ages. It slowly felt like we were getting somewhere albeit- it wasn’t quite like how it was months prior.
    I’m not pregnant but the minor scare that I could have been got us talking about us. He just kept saying weird things like my head isn’t in a good place right now. And that he thought I was amazing and so lovely but he didn’t want to hurt me. Even how he worded things got all distant. We had tickets booked for something we arranged to do from on one of our first dates. Well since he suddenly broke up with me, I gave them back because I couldn’t imagine going with someone else.
    He left my place on the Sunday, we made plans and we’d had a really nice fun weekend together. The next day I started getting weird messages and eventually BY TEXT said he didn’t want to hurt me and that we should break up. I don’t remember feeling this sad or hurt as I do now. He just keeps saying he couldn’t risk hurting me. He wouldn’t speak to me on the phone or person and tbh I know talking any more will just prolong the pain. I’m not entirely sure what changed or whether it was all just lip service. He won’t really give me proper answers and the back and forth text just wasn’t helping so we’ve just stopped talking.

    Just typing this I know it sounds pathetic and I should just snap my self out of it. But it’s so hard. I miss him so much.

    I’m 31 and guess I’m feeling quite hopeless about ever finding love and settling down. It’s still so raw so I’m not even thinking about dating again just yet but I guess my confidence has taken quite a kick. I’m trying to do all the post breakup stuff, but even that’s hard when covid still has restrictions in place.

    I have accepted that this is the end for good for us. But with that I feel so sad because I just miss him so much. He said he has doubts and hopes he doesn’t regret it one day but has to protect me and hopes we can be friends one day. 🤷🏻‍♀️😔 i don’t even know at this point if I’ll be able to be friends but it sounds like a nice idea.

    Do guys feel bad for the hurt they cause. I guess how he went about things really shook me the most.

    When will I feel better 😔

    #867854 Reply

    redcurleysue

    You will feel better when you are done grieving and not a moment sooner. Look you lost something – it hurts. We have all been there – you are not alone. Closure for this is when you leave him emotionally. You will see him as history – not as a current force in your life.
    That is easier if you do not continue to deal with him in the present. As for why he left – it really does not matter – the thing is he left and that is what you need to know and deal with. So feel sad until it stops on its own – and then enjoy life. You will love again I have no doubt.

    #867990 Reply

    Ewa

    you are the priority here, you shouldn’t be thinking if he feels bad, because the truth is , when someone is breaking up with you, they were thinking about it for some time now , it is not a sudden decision.
    I am guessing the time you spent apart made him think that most likely you are not a good match. But there is nothing you could have done, it’s life and please don’t take it personally.
    When I was breaking up with the guys I dated I did not really care about how it makes them feel.
    And don’t entertain the idea of being friends with him one day, you can be on talking terms but for now just let him go.

    #868023 Reply

    Claws

    What you are feeling is okay, and you will be okay in no time. However, I would like to comment on something you have said…”I guess how he went about things really shook me the most”. Could it be that you are more focused on being with someone (because of the age scare as a woman) that you missed out on all the red flags that he gave you?? You have said that he became clearly depressed with the relationship and other things…he became more distant…how weirdly he reacted to the pregnancy scare. He was showing you but you couldn’t see. He wasn’t into the relationship. Now, I’m not saying all of these to make you feel bad because he is a coward for not being straight with you over everything, even post-breakup. I’m saying this to tell you to be warier of future red flags and to embrace being single at 31. Instead of seeing how hopeless you are about settling down…look at the positive sides of that. You are not in a bad relationship anymore. You are not in a terrible marriage. You don’t need a man to settle down. Do what you want in life and your right man will find you at the right time. Don’t let your desire to be with someone blind you from seeing any red flags from them.

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