Dating a divorced man that's still friends with his ex wife

Even though it’s not romantic anymore, divorce is a big life change that he’s given himself no breathing room to deal with. If he’s started dating again, he shouldn’t be sharing a bed with her anymore. Bad boundaries, even if they’re no longer intimate. Sharing a residence for a while during separation is one thing, sharing a bed is another. Do you know why they got divorced? Has he taken any responsibility for the marriage failing?

I’d personally tell him to take (very bare minimum) at least a couple months after she moves out to adjust and figure out what he wants. He can be crazy about you now, and then it hits him that he needs to mourn being alone in his house for a while, and he pulls back as you get invested. That’s more what my concern would be about in this situation, not so much cheating potential.

I agree with everything that’s been said here. This guy is displaying a shocking lack of boundaries. Aside from the points Maddie and Gaia made (which I 100% agree with)– let’s say you get involved & attached, he starts the divorce process, and then his ex has a change of heart and wants to try again. He’d drop you like a hot potato & go back to her. Hell, my boyfriend had a bitter divorce with his ex, and she still came back and wanted to reconcile a couple years after they split (before he and I met). He said hell no, of course! My point is, it happens, exes do come back, or try to.

This guy has a clear lack of boundaries with his ex, and as has been stated, he hasn’t even begun to process the divorce. He could be the nicest guy in the world, but he still needs time to really process everything. A girlfriend of mine recently got her divorce finalized after being separated and living in separate states with her ex for years– and it still did a number on her psychologically. It wasn’t just signing a piece of paper. She had to mentally process the actual divorce. Everyone does.

Oh no! Seriously? This is a prime example of where water meets its own level.

It usually takes 6 months of formal separation before you can even file for divorce.

Girl, tough love time. You are the issue here… why on earth would you accept… not divorced, broke up a month ago, sleeps in the same bed !?!?!?

He should have been given the heave ho before you even met him.

Have you only been on one date with this unavailable man?

Please consider how unavailable you are for even considering this.

It’s true it’s about 6 months after filing before a divorce will go through. It’s called a “cooling off” period allowing couples to change their minds.

I went through the exact same thing years ago.
The guy had filed a month before meeting me, still shared the same home, still shared the same bed, but the marriage was long over. For six months we saw each other every weekend, celebrated birthdays and holidays, and had built a strong relationship. I was his shoulder to lean on and help him feel better.

I couldn’t WAIT for the divorce to go through so we could really be together and have our relationship take off.

He got divorced.
I got dumped.

He “needed space”, “needed to be alone for a bit” and needed to only be accountable to himself. Blah blah blah.

Basically, as I have learned on this site, whether knowingly or unknowingly, men in this situation use you as a crutch and a distraction. Then it’s buh-bye because they don’t need you anymore. I learned my lesson many years ago and never again.

You’ve had one date.
DON’T have a second one.