Creepy?


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This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maddie 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 18 posts - 1 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #928713 Reply

    Gaia

    So I decided a few weeks ago to get back into dating. I made a profile on Hinge and have had one date in person so far. It was good. I’m not locking into anyone yet though so I’m talking to a few others on the app. Last night I matched with someone who asked about something in one of my pictures. So of course I responded about it. It seemed like a normal conversation and I told him about doing reenactment this year at a convention. I’m excited about it. He asked if you could buy stuff at the con and I answered yes that there are things to buy, presentations to see, etc. The next message he sent was that he put in to take those 4 days as vacation days from work.

    I never gave him dates, told him what the convention was or asked him to go. I talked to him via text less than an hour after matching on the app. I’m kind of creeped out about it and not sure what to do. Do I just unmatch? Tell him it’s creepy then unmatch? Tell security at the event? I’m at a loss for this one.

    In the brief convo I thought maybe we had some interesting things in common but to decide to go to an event like this on a whim and we haven’t even met yet gives me very weird vibes.

    #928714 Reply

    Ewa

    you don’t even know if he was being serious … but for the future be careful what you put on your dating profile , in fact, be careful what you put on your social media.

    is the convention easy to find on the internet ? then maybe he did look it up, I probably would just to see if the person I am talking to is honest and real. I would take his comment about taking time off as a joke

    #928716 Reply

    Gaia

    Ewa- I don’t know. Like I said, I just have a weird creeped out vibe because I think he was completely serious. I told him it was only a 2 day event and he responded that he needed a day to drive there and a day to come back. I have not engaged with him since as it weirded me out.

    It’s a public event and I’m part of it. I think it was so easy to find info on this convention because there are not many of them and they are oddly specific. It’s not just like a renne fair so was very easy to get info about.

    #928717 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I would be creeped out too. He’s a total stranger and he’s implying he’s coming to this event you’ll be at. It may be that the guy has a genuine interest in it, and his filter is just off, so he doesn’t understand why a woman would be uncomfortable with something like this.

    Not sure what I would do. Maybe just taper off the messaging with him if he gives you a bad vibe? Unmatch if you want to. How big is the event? Is it unlikely he’d be able to find you if he actually went?

    #928722 Reply

    Gaia

    Liz- It’s possible since it is an event that we are both interested in and that’s how we started talking. He saw in the picture something I made for last years event. It really did weird me out though. I’m not messaging anything back at this point because the way he messaged made it sound creepy.

    The event should be a bit bigger this year since many restrictions have been lifted. I’m part of the historical reenactment camp so will be very visible while doing my presentations the entire weekend. Part of my job is to interact with the guests as well.

    Luckily, I’ll be working/presenting with a male friend of mine and I plan to tell him about this guy just in case.

    #928726 Reply

    Maddie

    Whether or not he’s serious, I’d take any bad vibes you get about someone from an online dating site before even meeting them to heart. I’d get them sometimes for small reasons that shouldn’t have been a big a deal, but still my gut said something was bad news, so I’d stop chatting and never meet them. I think you should listen to your instinct.

    I’m not sure what you should do because he may just be otherwise interested in the event and not even looking for you there by the time it comes around, and he may be socially awkward and not have realized how creepy he came off in telling you he was making plans to be there. But screenshot the profile and his photos and have basic info on hand about who he is, and do as you’ve already done and tell other people you’ll be there with about the situation, in case something weird does happen.

    You can also try to backpedal that some fake emergency came up (fake family member getting diagnosed with fake long term care illness?) and you’re bummed because now you may not be able to attend, then immediately fade out and block his profile later in the week. That’s more drastic, but depends how bad your creepy vibe is. And if he does show up and see you there he may ask you about it.

    Hopefully it’s just harmless and an awkward guy, though.

    #928735 Reply

    mama

    How far in advance is this event? I would probably let him know that made you very uncomfortable, that he wasn’t welcome to interact with you anymore then block him, then stay with your male friend as much as you can during the event. It is creepy and listen to your gut. I’ve had a stalker before — you have to draw very clear lines. The time for being nice and polite are gone.

    #928737 Reply

    Gaia

    The event is 3 weeks away. I’m fairly sure he is serious as his follow up message today was that “if his days are approved he bets getting a hotel will be a bitch”. I haven’t responded at all.

    A coworker told me to not respond at all and to unmatch later this week or at event. I’m wanting to unmatch now but don’t want it to be a trigger where he comes looking for me at the event. Does that make sense?

    I don’t think socially awkward is an excuse for this. I mean who tells a basic stranger on a dating site that they are taking off work to show up at an event without an invitation or even speaking for more than an hour?!

    #928739 Reply

    mama

    Do what you feel is right for you. Your safety is important. You might want to email the dating site and let them know as well — before or after your event. I don’t know how seriously Hinge takes customer reports about sketchy behavior like this, but they should know as well. At the very least it sets up a history for the guy on the site.

    Be safe!

    #928740 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Were you texting him on your personal phone or on the dating site? If he has your personal phone number it’s more of a problem.

    I’m glad you shared this story not just so we could help you solve the problem but to highlight to all here who are internet dating how CAREFUL you have to be in early conversations about details about yourself and you life.

    Yes, it might be he’s just interested in this subject but obviously has NO idea how creepy and scary this would come off to a woman on a dating site!

    You’ve got yourself accidentally painted into quite a corner. While I agree with Maddie, I also see that unlatching and disappearing could make things worse. But I’m willing to bet he’s going to want to make plans to see you there.

    Do you REALLY have to go? Because it might be better to tell him you had a change in plans, unmatch and then not be there.

    You might want to drop into your local police station and ask if they have a staff person who is a criminal psychologist you can run this by to help you determine the best course of action.

    #928742 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Unmatching not unlatching. Stupid phone.

    #928748 Reply

    Gaia

    Thanks mama!

    Angiebaby- only on the dating app. Conversation was for less than an hour so no phone number exchanged. It was barely a full conversation before turning into this. I’m still trying to figure out what to do. I’ve told several people about it, taken screenshots and have not engaged at all with him. I’m really glad I’m not alone in finding this very weird and creepy.

    I won’t back out of the event. I’ve been planning on it for over a year and worked really hard to prepare for it. I won’t let some internet creep ruin something I’ve worked this hard for.

    Cops in my area could care less about this especially since the internet guy has not done anything except give me bad vibes. They’d look at me like I was crazy.

    #928750 Reply

    AngieBaby

    And… take that photo off your profile ASAP if you haven’t already.

    #928755 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I feel like his comment about having difficulty finding a hotel room was fishing for something. Like he was expecting an offer of help, or whatever. Maybe I’m overthinking it.

    I agree that not responding at this point is best. If you engage with him he’ll probably take it as you being interested.

    Hopefully his days off work aren’t approved. I’m sorry this happened! It is creepy.

    #928756 Reply

    Ewa

    You can always say that you won’t be going because something else came up

    #928809 Reply

    Gaia

    Just a quick update- not responding seems to have worked as he unmatched with me. I’ll still be on my guard but maybe not responding worked.

    #928811 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Well that’s a relief. Hopefully he won’t turn up there.

    #928813 Reply

    Maddie

    Good good. Hopefully you can enjoy your event without further incident!

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