This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Warasen 7 months, 4 weeks ago.
November 18, 2019 at 8:55 am #777742
So my boyfriend has previously told me that if I tell him something bad or not so good about someone in my family be prepared it may make him view them differently or not like them. It may also result in him not wanting to be around the person or him telling me something I may not like. Since he expressed this to me, over a year ago…I don’t mention too much of anything regarding my family. Not to say I have a bad family, it’s just I’m hesitant to start talking freely because I may accidentally say something I should keep quiet about. Now it seems he’s irritated that I don’t say much about my weekend, I tend to spend half my weekend time with friends/family. I end up just telling him I just ran a few errands…I leave out that I was around my family. He says that I talk to other people about certain things that I don’t talk to him about. I told him yes that true because there maybe adverse effects if I talk to you about certain personal things.
Additionally, he gets irritated if I ask him something that I’ve asked previously.
Just seems sometimes everything I do can be an irritant to him. Any thoughts about getting past this…does it seem it’s just me or how he is as a person?November 18, 2019 at 8:59 am #777744
Yes, remind him of that conversation. And ask him if he now interested.
But he seems not that great. You cannot own his irritation.November 18, 2019 at 9:37 am #777752
I did remind him and asked if there’s a problem but he keeps telling me everything is fine. I’m confused because he sometimes acts irritated by it and gives reference to it like in our conversation last night.November 18, 2019 at 7:40 pm #777799
I think I would find it hard not to be able to speak freely with my boyfriend. That’s a boundary he put down though, so he can’t get upset that you’re respecting it.November 19, 2019 at 9:30 am #777835
I think you have taken his “advice” to extremes here. I actually think what he told you is very sound advice. People do tend to create an expectation of someone from the things you tell them and people also tend to talk more about the negative than the positive. For example, you may love your mom and she is an amazing person but there are going to be things she does to get on your nerves. Your boyfriend has no knowledge of her other than what you tell him. So you go on about how your mom doesn’t think any guy you’ve ever dated is good enough and he’s going to immediately be on the defensive. Or your brother could be the nicest guy in the world but you go on about how he stills lives at home, won’t get a job and your parents baby him and your boyfriend is going to think he’s a lazy mooch before he even meets him.
To me it sounds like you are lying to him for fear you’ll tell him something negative. Do you really have absolutely nothing positive you can say about your family? I see no reason why you can’t say I had dinner with my family on Sunday and mom made the best pot roast! I mean how harmless is that? To leave out the fact you were even with them to me is lying by omission. And tell me why if you’ve been together over a year he hasn’t met your family to make his own impressions?November 19, 2019 at 2:47 pm #777859
The boyfriend sounds like an a hole. Who is perfect out there? Is his family comprised of perfect people? If he thinks so that’s another reason to stay far away from him because he is delusional or lying.